Find a Reason
by HalloweenJack74
Summary: Beth Greene is different. Changed in ways he never imagined. Not that he ever dared to imagine she was still alive. After all, he carried her body out of that hospital. BETHYL fic. Takes place after they find Alexandria. Daryl finds Beth while hunting. M for adult themes in later chapters, language, and violence. Slow burn. First attempt at Bethyl. Be gentle.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey ya'll! Going in for a much needed editing of this story before I start writing new material again. Hopefully this wont send out emails as a new chapter being posted for those that have followed, but I will definitely be posting some new stuff soon. Sorry for the wait! Much love 3**

Chapter 1

The sun had yet to break the horizon. The sky was slowing lighting itself, but a chill was still strong in the air. She was already awake, had been for a few hours. The nightmares had her eyes flying open long before the sun would have, and she would spend the time until dawn trying to forget the horrors that plagued her mind while asleep. Pushing it all away and trying to relock the doors to her mind before the memories could try to seep out.

That's how Beth Greene spent her time now, stuck in her mind. Closing doors, reinforcing locks, nailing down wooden slabs. Every day, those doors grew stronger, sealing inside everything she once was. Her memories, her hopes, her dreams for the future, the desires she had kept hidden, the fears that made had her weak. Everything and anything, she pushed behinds those doors, keeping out only the bare minimum. Survival skills she had learned, instincts she had sharpened. Any other part of her was locked away, with a wall around it that any community today would envy.

Without a sound, she pushed back the tarp and crawled from the hammock. Sitting with one leg on either side of the tree limb, she disassembled her makeshift bed, rolling up the tarp with the blanket inside and releasing the hammock from the branch. Sleeping in the trees was her only option without another person to keep watch. Attaching her bed-gear to the outside of the pack she had leaning up against the trunk, she pulls out her black baseball hat. She twists her long hair into a knot on the top of her head and covers it with the hat. Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she carefully and quietly makes her way down, scanning the woods for any potential threats.

Her feet hit the soil and she starts walking. No direction in mind, but she keeps her ears open for the sound of running water. She had an almost full bottle in her pack, but she would need to stop today to refill. She couldn't afford to stay near any water (not that she stayed in the same place anyways), as it only increased the chances of running into others. People and animals alike would set up permanent homes near any source of water and she didn't want to be anywhere near the former. Deep in the woods, run-ins with humans or walkers were rare, but not impossible. Nowadays, she avoided humans more than walkers.

Ears open for water and eyes open for tracks, she wandered around the forest. When the brightness of the day hits her, she risks a look up at the sky and immediately regrets it.

Blue. That stupid fucking color. Without fail, the color would always trigger a violent reaction, bringing forth the one memory she couldn't control. No matter how strong her walls or how tightly she sealed that door, there was no containing that blue. It was a ghost that could pass through any barrier or obstacle she created and could creep up on her without warning or reason. Just a stupid color had her freezing in her tracks while the emotions that followed threatened to strangle her.

Beth had thrown all her emotions behind that door also, knowing they would only get her killed. Could only make her weak. But when that blue filled her eyes, a cold, icy hand tightened in her chest, stealing her breath. It was just a color! But it latched onto her and refused to let go, refused to be imprisoned behind her frosty demeanor. And when that color cracked her defenses, the lingering sadness would crash through her, chasing away the numbness she held onto so dearly with a memory she hated to recall.

While any shade of blue could summon her demons, the true color attached to her memories was unique, unlike any other. Similar to right before night actually falls, when the sky turns a beautiful blue. Not the bright, clear, sky blue that comes with sunshine and happiness. No, this blue is darker, deeper. It holds secrets and mysteries, anticipation of the dangers that unfold in the night. After the sun dies down below the horizon, there are those moments before blackness takes over the sky, before the hope and happiness is entirely extinguished. The last flickers of light illuminate the sky to reach its deepest shade, before the darkness invalids and remains, keeping the world cast in night long enough to wonder if the sun will ever return again.

It was that shade of blue, the dark and deep color that bled into her every struggled breath, which kept her human instead of animal. She wanted to forget, wanted to lock it behind that door and bury it all. Bury it so deep that eventually she would forget that it had ever existed at all. Finally let the inner animal take over entirely and rely only on instinct.

But that damn ghost wouldn't let her. And every so often, it would come back to remind her how very human she was. That just the memory of a color could nearly bring her to her knees.

The color of his eyes. And who those eyes belonged to, his name, his face, everything about him stayed locked away. Those memories behaving and following the rules, just like everything else she refused to think of.

Only the vibrant color of his eyes, a blue so unique it was silly to think it could ever be forgotten, haunted her.

Squeezing her eyes shut and taking a few breaths, she let the waves crash over her until they died down. And when her mind could finally think of anything besides that blue and the pain it brought, she forced it all back behind the walls. Filling its place with numbness, she cleared the haze from her vision and pushed on. Not thinking about what just happened, or what has happened for the past 19 years of her life, she pushes on.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He was out hunting. Again.

 _We have plenty of food. You don't need to keep goin' out there._ Rick's words swam in his mind again. He had merely grunted before walking through the gates. Now, the clarity of the forest had allowed him to breathe again and with it brought the same realization that came every time he walked out here. It was only a matter of time.

He could see the looks they shot him, the sideways glances and muttered words of concern. Eventually, Rick would try and break him down, get him to talk. Carol had tried weeks ago while they were out on the road. They were the only two that dared to approach him now, and he could feel the clock running out. Sooner rather than later, Rick would corner him. But what the hell did he expect to hear?

Hell, Daryl wouldn't even know what to say if he wanted to talk about it. There was no way to explain what he lost. There were no words. There was just nothing. Empty and hollow. How could he explain what that felt like? And he knew if anyone would understand, it would be Rick. After everything with Lori, the man was a mess. But he still had Carl and Judith. He still had something to hold on for.

For Daryl, that was gone. And the only person who could remind him, could tell him to put it away and keep going, well she was gone. And if everything being ripped away wasn't enough grief to drown in, it was his fucking fault. And the guilt was burning him alive. What was he going to say to Rick? And what right did he have to say it? He wasn't her family, wasn't her blood. Hell, they barely spoke at the prison. Could they even be considered friends? He had no claim on her or any grief her absence caused. But that didn't stop it from filling his lungs and stealing his every breath.

But he got it, their concern. They were his family and they knew something was wrong. He had never been friendly or exactly pleasant with anyone, always gruff and rough around the edges. No real reason to sugar coat anything, and no one ever sought him out for comfort. But the man they remembered from the prison, a council member with an occasional smirk, was only a distant memory.

He spoke even less than before, his vocabulary consisted mainly of grunts and growls. He spent more time outside the walls than in, taking any excuse he could get to leave. And he refused to try to fit in with this bullshit community, not even attempting to hide his disgust with their moronic lifestyle. The only reason he stayed, the reason he didn't just keep walking every time he went hunting, was he knew they were on borrowed time. Shit like this didn't last. And it was only a matter of time, much like Rick's impending lecture, before the shit hit the fan again. And he couldn't leave them to deal with that alone.

So he would stay, but not inside the walls. Not if he could help it. It creeped him out and pissed him off, watching these people pretend the world was still normal. Walking around in clean clothes and smiles, sleeping in warm beds and never having to get their hands dirty. That's not how shit was now. It doesn't matter if you close your eyes or cover your ears, the world is still out there.

Shaking his head, he tried to clear out his thoughts. He came out here to get away from that shit, not let it fill his mind when he should be escaping. He focused his eyes on the ground, looking for tracks, listening for any sounds of running water, knowing dinner wouldn't be far away.

It had been a couple hours, battling to keep his thoughts away and stay focused, when the air around him changed. Crackled with an electricity that could only mean something had passed through recently.

His thoughts came to dead stop when he recognized tracks. Human tracks. He had been out here for a while, was a distance from Alexandria, but not nearly far enough away to ignore the possible threat. His senses sharpened, eyes darting around the forest floor. One set of tracks leading away from the community. Small footprints, probably a woman. Definitely petite and light on their feet. No one survived alone for long out here, especially not a woman, so they must be heading back to a bigger camp.Figuring they were only a few hours old and lacking any visible signs of urgency, he guessed he could catch up them soon.

Following the tracks, he shut down his mind. Letting the hunt take over, he stayed as vigilant as possible. Appearances could be deceiving, and he wanted all the information before he put himself on the line.

It happened quickly. One second he was seemingly alone, and the next second there was a figure right ahead of him. Small and dirty, the build looked like a kid but the silence of their footsteps told a different story. Was anyone really a kid anymore? Black baseball cap and ragged clothes told him they had been roughing it for a while.

Raising his crossbow to eye level, he quicken his pace until there was only a few feet separating them.

"Hey, hold up." The person froze as his rough voice hit them. Now standing closer, the stranger seemed even smaller, tiny even. Wearing clothes that were clearly too big and male in style. Realizing he probably sounded like an asshole to this kid, he cleared his throat and went for a poor attempt at reassurance.

"Aint gunna hurt ya, kid. Just don't try nothing stupid. Turn around." Keeping his bow raised, the slight boy turned slowly, keeping his head down and face covered by the brim of his hat. Daryl took a quick inventory of his weapons, or lack thereof. Only a knife on his belt was visible.

"You alone?" The kid nodded slightly, barely raising his head. No matter how dirty he looked, Daryl knew better than to trust him. Kid or not, anyone that wasn't family was dangerous.

"You got weapons 'sides the knife?" A small shake of the head was the only answer he got, but that was all the answer he needed. An icy chill ran down his spine despite the heat of the day. Daryl knew he couldn't trust a thing this kid said. Didn't speak a word and couldn't see his face. Nah, something felt wrong.

"Take off the hat." Keeping the bow aimed, he waited. After a heavy pause, the kid raised his hand slowly, pausing as he grabbed the rim. The hesitation spoke volumes and Daryl knew he was hiding something under that hat. With a surge of defiance, he ripped the hat off, letting it fall to the ground and raising his face while still refusing to make eye contact.

Daryl almost dropped his crossbow. His body froze, lungs emptied in a gush that sounded like he had been punched in the gut. He had been. Cause this kid wasn't a boy at all. It was her. _Her._ The only her in this whole fucking miserable world that mattered.

Long, blonde waves dropped down, tangled in a twist that fell heavily down her back. Her dirty, scarred face came into view and he could only stare. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. He checked her eyes, sure she was a walker. And while they were still partially hidden under her eyelids, refusing to meet his gaze, he could see they were clear. Clear, blue, beautiful skies without a hint of milky film hazing them. Those baby blue eyes, wide and innocent, had fucking hunted him since he watched them close for the last time.

He sucked in a sharp breath, lowering the bow to his side. A million thoughts ripped through his mind, each painfully hopeful. And he knew that this would kill him. This would tear him apart from the inside out. He wouldn't survive this. Because there was no fucking way she was standing in front of him.

Every scab that had pathetically attempted to heal over his wounds was ripped off when he saw her. Every single slice and burn that the agony of her loss inflicted on him was raw once again and holding its breath. Like the moment when you pick off a scab and wait to see if it will start bleeding again. The moment you see the knife slice your skin before the pain triggers, and you wonder how much it will hurt.

He was trapped in that moment now, and waiting for the pain to rip him apart was fucking terrifying. Worse than any herd of walkers. Worse than kneeling in Terminus. Worse than losing her the first time. Or the second.

"Beth…" He choked out the word, broken and whispered, without ever giving his brain the permission to speak it. The word he refused to say for weeks, maybe even months at this point. It barely registered to him.

And before he could collect a single piece of himself, she grabbed her knife and lounged at him.

XXXXXXXX

"Take off the hat." His voice was deep and rough, and she knew just from hearing it that he was dangerous. He would take her, just like the others. And the second she revealed herself, she knew the danger would increase rapidly. Her eyes darted around one final time while still under the security of her hat. She didn't see or hear anyone else with him, but it wasn't safe to assume he was alone. Most people weren't these days.

Raising her arm slowly, she knew she only had one option. There was only ever one option. Her or them. And she would always choose herself. No matter what. And if she died today, well it would have happened eventually anyways. She would choose fighting and dying over any other outcome. Taking one last moment, she ripped off the hat and raised her eyes.

She heard his sharp exhale and knew that it was over. She was a female, all alone, and he wanted her. And he knew he could have her. Her eyes rapidly moved over him, taking in every detail she could. He was a big guy, strong arms training a bow on her. Multiple knifes on his belt and she knew he was probably hiding a gun somewhere. He had the advantage in every way. Only she was fast, and he didn't know what she was planning.

His hesitation was odd to her, but she didn't read into it. It gave her more time to think. She knew he could easily over power her, catch her if she ran, and she didn't want to leave any loose ends. She never had before and she wasn't going to start now. She would have to go in quick, hopefully catch him off guard and then finish the job.

Waiting for him to make his move, she only allowed herself a second of surprise when he dropped his bow. Not what she expected, but now she knew his game. Pretend to be kind, lure her in and then trap her. She wouldn't buy it. She wasn't naïve anymore and she knew that any word coming out of his mouth would be a lie. She wouldn't even give him the chance.

She saw his mouth open, a single soft word escaping, but she wasn't listening. He didn't have anything to say that she wanted hear. Judging by the approach, the softness of his voice, this was her moment. Her opening. And she might not get another. Strike while he still thought she was vulnerable and weak. Without a second more of hesitation, she grabbed her knife and lounged at him.

Two quick steps and she was in front of him. She swiftly brought her knee up, hitting her target where she knew the pain would be impossible to ignore. As expected, his hunched over form had brought his head down to her level. His hands went to hold himself and he was angrily growling a string of profanities that fell upon deaf ears. She wasn't listening to anything he had to say. Adrenaline had sharpened her senses, allowing her to focus and tune out everything else. She grabbed the back of his head, fingers tangling into the greasy roots of his dark hair, and yanked his head up, exposing his throat. The blade of her knife quickly found contact, pressing hard enough for him to realize he was in serious shit without yet breaking the skin. A feral snarl released from her chest, and his eyes opened quickly. Blue met blue, and everything stopped.

She froze and the haze cleared. It was that stupid fucking color again. Only brighter, more exact, a shade she knew she would never see again staring right back at her. And that stupid ghost that was always haunting her was solid this time. Right in front of her. And she prayed it was a dream, that this is wasn't real. Because if it was, she knew everything-

"Beth." She snapped her eyes shut, dropping her knife to the ground. That was it, the same broken word he had muttered before, that he had been saying since he lowered his weapon. It was familiar, all of it. The sound of it on his lips, the way it faintly tickled inside her chest, like a distant echo of a feeling that was once much stronger and louder. She opened her eyes, only to drown in the blue again. And when his eyes filled slowly with tears, the blue becoming brighter, that damn door broke. The walls broke. Everything she had broke.

It was her name. He was saying her name. And he was here, solid and real, in front of her. A sob ripped from her chest and she reached for him, both hands grabbing onto either side of his neck.

"Daryl." Her voice was quiet, but strong and sure, and with it brought back every single memory she had suppressed. The weight of them had her falling to her knees, bringing the man in question with her. Landing in a tangled heap of shaking limbs on the forest floor, her grip on him never wavered. Their eyes never left each other's, trapped in a gaze that spoke words they couldn't form.

"Beth." He whispered again, and the pain she heard in his voice sliced through her. The tears collecting in her own eyes fell, and her voice that had gone silent for so long suddenly couldn't be turned off.

"Oh my god… It's you, it's really you…. I can't believe you're here… Daryl… I've been… You're here…" Strings of nonsense poured from her lips, unfiltered and uncontrolled. Her words were only broken by her own sobs and sniffles, while her hands remained firmly on either side of his face. He sat frozen in front of her, barely breathing and not speaking, his hands limp and lifeless on the floor. Only his eyes held the connection, letting her know he was there with her.

And she didn't care. She didn't care if she was invading the personal space she knew he cherished. She didn't care if her grip on his face was painful or if snot was running from her nose. She was lost. Drowning in the endless ocean of blue. For the first time in what felt like forever, she let herself feel. Let it consume her. Let herself stay lost.

It was several minutes before she realized he had squeezed his eyes shut, breaking off what seemed to become her life supply, and his body felt tense under hers. It took even longer for her to realize what she should do in this situation, that she needed to let go, step back, and give him room. Her muscles protested immediately at the thought, never wanting to release him. But eventually they complied. Slowly her fingers loosened on his face, twitching slightly as his eyes remained closed. Taking a deep breath, she began to remove them, dragging them halfway down his face until only her fingertips remained, when he suddenly spoke again and she froze.

"Are you really here?" His voice was barely audible, she had to struggle to hear it. But the pain was loud, ringing in her ears and making more tears fall.

"Yeah, I'm here." His eyes snapped open at her voice, and there was not even a second for her to start drowning again before he grabbed her. One arm grabbed around her waist, hauling her into his lap, while his other hand fisted into her hair, shoving his face into her neck. Her response was immediate and instinctual, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and her arms hugging his neck. Her face nestled into his shoulder and his grip tightened on her. Her sobs had stopped, but the tears refused to be restrained. They ran silently down her cheeks, dripping onto his dirty shirt and leaving small, dark circles in their path. His smell surrounded her, exactly like she wouldn't dare remember. And the arms that she had once dreamt of holding her, were now steel bands around her body.

She wasn't sure how long they sat there for, losing daylight in each other's embrace. Eventually he rolled them, unwrapping her legs and laying them down on their sides. His left hand came under his head, letting her head rest on his arm, and his right hand moved the hair from her face before trailing down and settling on her hip. She bowed her head, letting her forehead rest against the stubble on his chin.

The emotions crashed down on her in waves. Caught in a riptide, she was powerless to fight it and she didn't want to. The weeks she had spent feeling nothing made every wave harsher. The salt water burned her lungs as that blue seeped into her every pore, filling all of her senses. At some point her tears had stopped and their breathing had evened. The only sound around them was just the forest, natural and safe. With the sun still trying to dry out her drowned, lifeless form, she closed her eyes and gave up. Drowning was painful. The most painful thing she had ever experienced. But the peace that followed was worth every second.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The sun was low on the horizon when he noticed her change in breathing. She was waking up. He knew she hadn't meant to, no one would fall asleep in the middle of the woods unprotected like that. But she was protected. Now she was. And it made him feel like shit that even after all the times he had failed her, she still trusted him. Still felt safe enough with him to let her guard down. He didn't deserve that level of trust. Not from her.

He had let his eyes close when he felt her breathing even out a few hours before, letting his ears play security. Really though, he just needed to slow his mind down while staying alert enough to keep them safe. Because the second his eyes touched on any part of her, the hurricane of emotions would start again. Winds whipping through so fast, he could hardly hold onto a single thought long enough to finish it.

So he kept his eyes closed. Kept his ears open for movement. Kept his hands on her hip, feeling the slightest movements that confirmed she was breathing. And kept trying to convince himself this was real. He was failing at that last part. So when he felt her breathing change, felt her body start to stir, he knew that reality was coming to claim them. They needed to move. She needed to see her sister, her family. He needed to get her back to the safest place he could find her, even if it was that bullshit town. And this bubble they had created, a fragile, delicate place where only they existed, was soon to be popped. He didn't want to face reality, not yet, so he laid still and pretended to still be sleeping. Maybe to buy them just a few more seconds. Only a couple seconds more before she realized exactly who she was sleeping next to. The same person who had failed her, who she surely fucking hated at this point.

He felt when she was actually awake. The way the muscles under his fingers became taunt and tense, ready to spring. He was almost nervous she would attack him again. And that was a whole different story. What the fuck had happened to her? He replayed her reaction a million times as she lay sleeping. It was immediate, instinctual for her to kill now. It was deadly. She was deadly. And he had spent too much time imagining all the terrible things that made her that way. He had ruined her.

He was pulled back to their current situation when he felt her eyes on his face. He resisted the urge to stiffen when he felt her head tilt back, slow and controlled, to unleash her penetrating gaze on him. Keeping his face relaxed and his breathing normal was something he had done thousands of times. A survival mechanism that had been ingrained in him for as long as he could remember. But it was never harder to do than right now, when he felt her eyes burning his face and heard her take a deep breath, shaking so much on the exhale that he was sure she was crying again.

And like a fucking coward, he just stayed there, pretending to be asleep, waiting to see how she would choose to handle the new deck they had just been dealt. Really, he didn't want to open his eyes and see her face when she inevitably pushed him away. But he also knew he would never be this close to her again, would never be able to make out every single eyelash framing blue or count the freckles on her skin.

He was so busy deciding whether or not to face the music, he almost jumped when he felt her fingers wrap around his wrist to pull his hand from her hip. Of course she didn't want his dirty hands anywhere near her. He should have let go the second he heard her breathing change, too fucking selfish to do the right thing. He waited for the rejection to sting, but it never did. Apparently he was too lost in disbelief that she was actually alive, to care if she pushed him away.

He could tell by her slow and quiet movements that she thought he was still asleep. She untangled herself from his body and gentle rolled away, getting to her feet. His ears followed her movements as she crept around the camp. In their reunion, she had never taken off her pack so it still sat on her shoulders. Thinking back through their exchange, the only things she could possibly be grabbing were the knife and hat she dropped. He listened to her footsteps move away from him, then stop. A small shuffling and sudden heat on his body made him think she turned back to look at him. What the hell was she doing? Sneaking away while he was asleep? If she just had to piss, she wouldn't be taking all her shit.

The heat left him as her footsteps picked up again, and his blood grew cold in his veins. She was leaving. She hated him that much that she was leaving. Obviously. He hadn't given her a reason to stay, didn't tell her that her family was still alive a few miles away. He hadn't said anything. Fuck.

Her footsteps were even farther now, and his heart sped as the distance grew. Panic set in. What if none of it had been real? His eyes flew open. He grabbed his bow and pushed to his feet, taking off after her. Picking up his pace to a jog, he closed the distance in a few minutes.

"Beth, where are you goin?" Her steps never faltered, she kept trudging through the woods.

"Don't call me that." Her voice was quiet and cold, but held a ferocity that sounded wrong coming from the petite blonde. Don't call her what? Her damn name?

"We gotta get back. Don't want them worryin'. And your sister… We gotta get back."

"Ain't goin' there."

"What?"

"I ain't goin' with you."

"Hey, hold up." When she didn't slow her stride, he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him.

"Where you goin?" The exasperation leaked into his voice as he bit out the words. Wasn't she listening? Even if she didn't want to be near him, their whole fucking family was waiting for them. The same family she made him fruitlessly track around for days after the prison. But her blue eyes held none of the excitement or happiness he had come to expect. They were empty.

Well, not entirely empty. There was a small hint of panic that frayed the edges, a slight desperation in the way they darted around, never settling on anything for too long. But emptiness and panic were not emotions that made sense in their current situation. Why the fuck wasn't she happy?

"You should leave. Just go back." Her voice was cold and final. It wasn't a request. It was a demand. An order. Her eyes hardened slightly as she tugged her arm from his grasp. He released easily, confusion slowing his movements. But he noticed the way she relaxed in the smallest amount when he let go, when her body was free from his clutches. The panic, the small amount she couldn't conceal from him, faded and now she was practically stone in front of him. Eyes strong as steel glared up at him, her chin raised slightly in a silent challenge, daring him to argue.

When his silence continued and he made no effort to stop her again, she backed away slowly. Satisfied watching him only stare after her dumbly, she turned and continued walking. But watching her walk away jolted his body into action, and she made it only a few steps before he began following. He saw her shoulders tense slightly when he made his first step, knowing she heard his pursuit. It was the smallest things that gave her away, but to an experienced hunter, a tracker trained in years of observation, he could read her like a book. And her appraisal of him, the fact that she even considered it an option that he would let her walk away from him, turned his confusion into rage.

"Ain't goin' nowhere without you. So let's go." He lengthened his stride to walk beside her, but she simply ignored him. "Hey! I said let's go!" He reached for her again, knowing she didn't want to be touched and doing it anyways. He wanted to push her the same way she was pushing him. And it worked. She spun outside of his reach, stopping to turn and look at him.

"Don't," she hissed, her knees slightly bent and body ready to pounce.

"Beth-"

"I said don't call me that!" He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. "And I said I ain't goin' back."

"Tha hell should I call you then?!"

"Nothing. Cause we ain't talkin. You ain't stayin. I ain't goin back. And you never saw Beth out here." She turned to leave with an arrogance that only pissed him off further.

"Greene!" He reached out for her again and she avoided him again. But the look in her eyes had his body coming to an abrupt halt. When she spun around and blue met blue, he nearly stumbled back. The pain, the hatred that poured out of her was alarming. It drained the anger from him, seeming to suck it from his body to only fill hers. And the raw emotion he saw, contained so well to only her baby blues, made him come up short.

"A'right." He put up both hands, a gesture of surrender and an unspoken assurance that he wouldn't try to touch her again. He added a slight nod for emphasis when her eyes remained cruel. After a few seconds, she simply nodded and turned, continuing her journey.

But agreeing to not touch her, to not force her into anything, didn't mean Daryl was going to just let her walk away. No fucking way. This girl would be lucky if she was ever out of his sight again. But clearly things were different. She was different. And she wasn't going to be bullied into going back to Alexandria.

He walked with her, slightly behind and to the right. He made his steps purposely loud, so she would know his presence. But aside from a small sigh when they first began walking, she made no indications that she cared either way. She merely ignored him, continuing to wherever the fuck she was going that was so important, allowing Daryl to get lost in his own mind. Too many awful scenarios began to fill his head. What had happened to her? Why didn't she want to go home? Why didn't she want to see Maggie? How long could he stay out here before Rick came looking? Why was she wearing that stupid fucking hat? Why was someone who once forced hugs on him now reacting so violently to the smallest touch? And what was different earlier today when she wrapped her arms around him and fell asleep curled into his body? His head was spinning when she finally broke the silence.

"Quit followin' me." It was the same tone he had grown to expect, but still sounded so wrong coming from her. He was sure it would only piss her off more than talking, but he had nothing to say. He wasn't going anywhere, and that's not what she wanted to hear. He already told her he wasn't leaving her. She would just have to deal with him following her until she decided to come back with him. Tough shit.

The silence continued, thickening more with every step. But he held his ground. He wasn't going to keep arguing with her.

"I know you heard me. Just go and leave me alone." Yeah, right. Like he was just going to leave her out here. Like it was even an option.

The silence dragged on, becoming so thick with her anger it was nearly suffocating. He could feel it rolling off her in waves, but he didn't care. He knew it was only a matter of time before she snapped.

And he was right. She turned sharply to meet his eyes.

"Look, this ain't happenin'. You are gunna go back. And I am leaving. And we are both going to forget this ever happened." He looked into her angry, vibrant eyes and merely grunted in response. They both stood there, waiting for the other to give in. He could see that she really thought he would just let her go. It was almost baffling to him.

"I told you-"

"Listen here," he cut her off, already knowing what she was going to say. "I ain't lettin' you out of my sight. That ain't happening. And if I can't make you come back with me, that's fine. Almost better out here anyways," he muttered the last part, realizing he was straying from the point. "But you can't make me leave you. No. Fucking. Way." Each word was punctuated with a promise. He wasn't going to fail her again, and no one was going to stop him from keeping her alive. Not even Beth herself.

Her eyes narrowed at him, her face going blank as she sized him up. He could tell she was weighing her options, measuring her odds. Tired of waiting, he tried to speed up the process.

"I'll make it simple. I'm either walkin' next to you, or I'll be trackin' you from behind. You can't make me leave." His words were casual, as if to emphasize the simplicity of the situation and drive home an important fact: he was stubborn too.

Her lips pursed slightly as she accepted the facts of their predicament. One side of her mouth twitched slightly and an elegant eyebrow raised, and Daryl knew she had something up her sleeve.

"Fine." Her voice imitated his casual tone, and she turned to continue walking. He knew he would have to watch her closely.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The sun was just dipping below the horizon as she settled against the base of her tree. It had been a silent hour of walking after her unwanted companion made his intentions clear, when she stopped in this small clearing. She didn't even consider sleeping in her hammock. And since neither of them had an alarm system, it was an obvious agreement that someone needed to keep watch. She had cleared the rocks and sticks from the base of her selected tree and settled down, removing her pack and sitting it down next to her.

From the way he hesitated slightly, she knew he wanted to hunt before they made camp for the night. She observed him quietly, as he cast a glance around, taking in the setting sun before squinting through his long hair at her. He was weighing the amount of sunlight and the risk of her taking off before he could get back. The slight twitch of his fingers revealed his slight annoyance and probably hunger. She knew he would stay. So when he settled down at a tree near hers but not too close, she wasn't surprised.

But she was annoyed all over again. She hated that she knew all this, that she could read him so well. She hated that she knew what he was thinking and feeling, without even having to try. And she hated it because she knew it went deeper than being observant. She didn't read him the way she would a stranger, making assumptions and calculated risks at the outcome of said assumptions. With him, she _knew._ And she didn't want to know anything.

Her eyes still on him, though more hostile than only moments ago, she raised her eyebrows in a silent question. And just like that, they were back to their old habits. As if the past few months never happened. Like they had just ran through the forest, flames devouring their pasts as a fiery rebirth cleansed them of their demons. Their silent communication reminded Beth all too well that she couldn't fall back into that. That's not who she was anymore.

"I'll take first watch." His rough voice broke through her musings and she nodded, laying down with her pack under her head. Things are different now. She was different now. She kept reminding herself until sleep claimed her.

 _She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face away. His fat, pudgy hand ran down her arm and she cringed. The way he looked at her, the way his eyes had devoured her on the spot, she knew he would be the one to break the rules._

" _Aww, are you shy?" he mockingly teased her, his breath hitting her face and the sickening smell of stale, processed food turned her stomach violently. She held back a gag and opened her eyes._

 _She wanted to run. She wanted to fight. To kick and scream and claw her way out of this mess. But she knew she couldn't. The second she struggled, the second she became more trouble than she was worth, she was dead. She was valuable, but irreplaceable._

" _Now just cause you can't have any fun, doesn't mean I can't have any fun." He leered at her, watching as his words penetrated her fear-muddled mind and registered. He smiled when she felt the blood drain from her face. She shook her head violently, hoping maybe this was just a bad dream. If she shook hard enough, she would wake up back in her little car._

" _On your knees." She stared at him, head still shaking. Squeezing her lips into a tight line, she couldn't do this._

" _On. Your. Knees."_

" _No." Her voice was quiet, hoarse from crying and weak with the knowledge that what was coming was inevitable. His abrupt laughter jolted her and she flinched away from him._

" _No?" He looked at her in disbelief, before rage contorted his ugly features. He wrapped his disgusting fingers around her bicep, pulling her up towards him hard enough to leave bruises. They would match the ones he left earlier. "Get on-"_

" _No!" She cut him off with some more strength to her tone. Her stubbornness was melding with instinct, and every cell of her body wanted to fight. Even if she couldn't win._

" _No," he muttered to himself. Squeezing her arm, he threw her to the floor. "How about you get on your knees, or I will shoot you in your pretty face. I'll just tell Marcus that you came at me, and who do you think he will believe?" He pulled his gun from his pants and aimed it right at her face. "Still gunna say no?" He grabbed her arm again, pulling her up into position._

 _But he didn't let go. He kept shaking her. "Hey!" His voice sounded different. Familiar. Why was he still shaking her? This isn't what happened…_

"Hey!"

Beth lurched awake, gasping and out of breath. Her eyes darted around, taking in their small clearing while her body pushed itself away from his hand on her arm. She curled in on herself, the base of the tree digging into her back and a whimper making its way past her lips. Her eyes connected with blue and she realized why that voice sounded familiar. Yesterday came rushing back to her. Daryl. _Daryl._

She closed her eyes and exhaled shakily. The nightmares she was used to. Waking up to him again, she was not. She took a few breaths, let the memories of her dream pass, and reminded herself that same thing she fell asleep repeating. Things are different. _She_ is different.

He grunted and she opened her eyes. She didn't meet his gaze, but she looked in his vicinity and nodded.

"Get some sleep. I got watch." He got to his feet and backed away, eyes still trained on her. She could feel it.

"You good?" She nodded again, keeping her eyes on the woods ahead and hoping he would get the message. He did, and settled back against his own tree, crossbow in his lap.

When his eyes shut, Beth felt her body relax. She hadn't realized how much his gaze put her on edge. It made her skin vibrate and forced a constant tension in her neck. His eyes were too intense, they saw too much and she gave away more than she should under them. Being around him, it made her feel. It made her think. And those were 2 things she avoided vehemently. She worked hard to perfect the numbness, letting it cloud only certain parts of her mind. Turning off her memories but keeping her senses alert.

Now he comes stomping in and derails everything she worked so hard to create. She needed to get away from him. She needed to forget, to stay numb. And more importantly, she needed _him_ to forget, to ignore this whole impossible meeting. She wasn't the person they remembered, and she never would be again. Going back, staying with them, it would only be a constant disappointment. And she would only get hurt.

They wanted Beth Greene. Their innocent little babysitter, wholesome as American pie. The ray of sunshine who sang on stormy nights to a crying baby and looked for the silver lining of every cloud. Who wanted to make her daddy proud and be just like her big sister. Hair-braiding and naïve, sweet Beth Greene that never got her hands dirty.

But that's not who she was anymore. She can barely remember how she used to think, how she used to feel. It's all been corrupted, the files erased and written over with this virus of a person she was now. Dark. Dirty. Ruined. That's not what her family deserved and that's not what she needed. And if she went back there, and they found out who she was now… the things she had to do… It would destroy the last little piece of Beth Greene that existed. The piece that lived on in their memories. Maggie didn't deserve that. She didn't need to know what her little sister had become. It would be cruel and unnecessary.

So she needed to get away. She needed a plan. And she needed to remember how to cover her tracks.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Daryl woke just before the sun began rising. Immediately his eyes sought her out, needing to know she was still there, needing to know yesterday was real and she was actually alive. He had slept slightly facing her, so she wasn't hard to find. Still resting against the base of her tree, it looked as if she hadn't moved once since she woke up, except to strap her back pack on her shoulders. Ready to flee at a single sound.

Once he knew she was still there, he remember her nightmare. He almost flinched thinking about it. He never heard a single word from her mouth laced with so much fear. But he knew exactly what it meant because her mouth wasn't the first time the word 'no' held so much significance. He had heard it from his mother. And it was so long ago now that sometimes it was hard to remember what her face looked like after, littered with black and blue.

But the way her voice sounded, what that 'no' meant, it stuck with him. It meant someone was about to inflict pain on helpless person. And hearing it come from Beth, because he failed to keep her safe… fuck.

He looked over at her again to find her already staring back. Her eyes looked cold and calculated. Dangerous. How did this all get so fucked up? How did she get so fucked up? Before Grady, before the day that destroyed him, he imagined finding her every single day they were apart. He thought of a million different scenarios. And most happened just like yesterday, tracking her in the woods, finding her among the trees.

But none of those scenarios ever ended like this. Finding someone else entirely, that only looked like Beth if you squinted hard enough to see through the dirt and too big clothes. He never imagined having to drag her back to her family. Normally, she was sprinting ahead of him in the wrong direction in her haste to see Maggie. Shit. Maggie. He wasn't even gunna go down that road right now.

Pushing himself to his feet and grabbing his crossbow, he looked over at her and nodded. It was their normal morning ritual from before the funeral home. Both going in opposite directions to relieve themselves before meeting back at camp to start the day. Thinking back to the awkward situation that started the tradition made him smirk. He remembered waking up and finding her gone, so he took off after her. He found her peeing behind a bush. She squeaked in surprise and hissed his name, trying to cover herself, not knowing he couldn't see shit anyways. He stormed back to camp, muttering profanities and then yelled at her to not take off without telling him, covering his embarrassment with anger. And she flipped him the bird, red as a tomato, before turning away and gathering the string alarm to keep busy. She obviously remembered their morning routine as well because she turned when he did and started to make her way in the opposite direction.

While away, he made a mental list of shit to do. If she wanted to wander around the woods until she came to her senses that was fine. But he needed food and water. He wanted to hunt first thing and then find a stream or river. He imagined that the two would be somewhat close together. His only concern was how she would react. Old Beth wouldn't object at all, she would probably just be happy that he opened his mouth to let her in on the plan for the day. But New Beth, well she was unpredictable. No way to know if she would follow wordlessly or dig her heels in and make the task impossible.

Entering their sad excuse for a camp, he found she wasn't back yet. She had always taken longer than him before. He started walking a small perimeter around the area, looking for any fresh tracks or signs of wildlife. He stayed close, not wanting a repeat performance of the "Beth Takes a Piss" show.

Not finding much, but not wanting to stray too far, he came back to a still empty camp. A sinking feeling filled his empty gut, and he looked at her trailing leading out.

Ten minutes. She had ten minutes until he went after her. And if he made it that long, it would be a miracle. Because with every passing second, his brain found a new way to torture him and lure him into action. What if she had been bitten? She didn't have ten minutes. The bite needed to be amputated before the infection spread and she needed to be rushed back to Alexandria so she didn't die from shock or blood loss or infection. And if the bite couldn't be amputated… No. Not going there.

What if he had imagined this whole thing? What if he never really found her, and she was still lying dead in the trunk of a fucking car in downtown Atlanta? It wasn't too farfetched. He had hallucinated Merle back at the farm when that stupid horse tossed him. His brain created the perfect image to force his ass into gear to save himself. That could be happening now. What if these weren't even her tracks, just some stranger?

What if someone found her. Someone alive. And she was dealing with an asshole like Len right now. Some dick trying to lay a claim on her, like she was a piece of property that could be owned. And he was back here, twiddling his thumbs like a fucking moron, more worried about her privacy than her safety.

And with that thought, making it only 4 out of the allotted 10 minutes, he set after her tracks. They were faint, but still visible to him, and they went on for much longer than he expected. He kept quiet and hesitant, still not wanting to find her in a compromising position, until her tracks just stopped. One second there was a clear trail, and then the next step was missing. The fuck?

He bent down, getting closer and inspecting the ground there she should have continued. It took a second, but eventually he saw it. There were thin, faint lines intermittently scattered making a zigzag pattern along the forest floor. They continued forward where her footsteps should have been. She was trying to cover her tracks. He remembered teaching her how briefly, back when she was learning to track and use his crossbow. The method was simple: take a fallen tree branch with a bunch of smaller branches and leaves attached, and use it to gently dust the ground behind you. It helps to cover your tracks and makes the ground look undisturbed.

What she didn't learn was to change the direction of the old trail or the right amount of pressure to use. Thankful that she was unaware of her current trail, he continued after her at a much slower pace. Knowing she was just trying to run away again, and not necessarily in immediate danger, had him hesitating to catch up with her. He really didn't want another fight. It was getting redundant.

He just couldn't understand her actions. It was obvious she had been through some shit. He would have to be an idiot to not realize that much. But that shouldn't stop her from wanting to go home, from wanting to see her family. And he knew that Old Beth was still in there. He had felt her in his arms, heard her whispering his name, felt her tears on his neck. She was in there somewhere. He just needed to help her fight through this, help her break the surface of this darkness. She had done it for him. After the prison she helped him battle his demons. And even though he had no fucking idea how, he would help her through this.

After a short time, her trail picked back up again and he found the discarded branch she had used in attempt to confuse him. From her tracks, he could tell that he was getting close, so he kept his slow pace. He had to hand it to her, New Beth was cunning and resourceful. If he hadn't been such a practiced tracker, he definitely would have lost her.

It made him wonder what else New Beth was capable of, where she was going, how she was surviving out here all alone. Then the thought crossed his mind: What if she wasn't alone? Maybe she had another group, another family, another person she paired up with and was trying to get back to.

Realizing he had no idea what she could be leading him into or what she would do, he decided to hang back. Catch up with her and stay close enough to keep eyes on her, but just observe. Watch her and see what exactly he was dealing with. If she led him to a large group, he would go back to Alexandria and get a group together to bring her back. One way or another, she was going back. He just needed to find out whether he needed to enlist help.

He picked up his pace slightly, following her tracks and finding she had stopped briefly to set up a small snare. It wasn't perfect, but it would get the job done. New Beth kept surprising him. He remembered when she told him defiantly that she could take care of herself. It was becoming more and more apparent how true that statement was. Knowing at some point she would be returning to check this snare, he decided to go off on his own. She had to be somewhere nearby, but he needed food and water. He wouldn't be able to keep following her without it.

He spent the rest of the morning and into the afternoon hunting. Killing a couple squirrels, he ate them raw. Definitely not his preference but he didn't want to start a fire and risk her seeing the smoke. Finding a small stream a few miles away, he filled up and waited, hoping to catch a few unsuspecting animals. After an hour of nothing, he made his way back to her snare, killing another squirrel and attaching it to his belt for later. He knew which directions her tracks went, so he hoped she would be coming from the same direction when she returned. He sat behind a tree opposite and waited, keeping his ears open and hoping no walkers would stumble by. He didn't want to have to deal with hiding a body, but these woods seemed fairly remote, only a couple crossing his path during his trip so far.

It was a couple hours later, mid evening probably, when she returned. He barely heard her light footsteps approaching, and if he hadn't been listening so intently he would have missed them entirely. She paused for only a moment before her steps started away from him. He gave it a few minutes before starting after her. He kept a safe distance back so she wouldn't hear him, but close enough that she was in his sights. She led him back towards the stream he found earlier, but about a mile down and not directly on the bank. She stayed about 100 feet into the woods, away from the water.

She stopped, looking around briefly, before grabbing into the lowest branch on the closest tree and pulling herself up. She climbed about 15 feet before stopping on a thick branch jutting out. She walked down, testing it's durability before sitting astride it and pulling off her pack. Daryl was confused by her actions until he watched her pull out a tangle of rope from her bag, revealing a small hammock. He watched her, completely impressed, while she tied each end then pulled out a dark green tarp and hung it evenly over the hammock, effectively camouflaging and protecting her. Damn. New Beth was a fucking genius. She pulled something small from her bag, before resting it against the trunk and scooching down the branch. She pulled the tarp back and lowered herself into the hammock, pulling the tarp back into place and hiding herself for the night.

XXXXX

For two days he followed her. Each day she headed in a different direction, changing course without any obvious reason. She set snares for food and spent nights safely in the trees. She always kept her fires extremely small and buried any trace. Daryl could tell she was just wandering, that she had no direction in mind, but she stayed aware of her surroundings. Any time the trees started to thin, she would switch directions, avoiding any potentially populated areas.

He watched her survive, but it was lifeless. She ate, stayed hydrated, killed walkers. But that was it. She was silent, no singing or speaking. She made barely any noise on the forest floor. She felt like a stranger, like a ghost haunting an empty forest.

But on the third day, everything changed.

He figured tomorrow he would approach her. He figured if she hadn't made it back to a bigger group by then, she wasn't leading him anywhere specific. And based on circles in which they were traveling, he was pretty certain she had no real direction.

It was just after midday when it happened. He watched her freeze and then dart behind a tree, her eyes focused on something he couldn't see that was approaching from directly ahead. He had watched her kill walkers, taking down bigger groups without a problem. And if it was a herd, not only would he have heard them but she would also be long gone and out of sight by now. He unstrapped his crossbow and brought it up, watching her watch whatever was coming. And then he heard it.

"Hey!" A man's voice, friendly in tone and loud enough to reach them, but smart enough to keep it down and not attract any unwanted attention. He kept his eyes peeled for the man, and aimed his crossbow directly at his chest as soon as the approaching boy was revealed. He was tall and young, probably not much older than Beth. He had a backpack and a gun on his hip, and he was walking right towards her. By the way the guy kept glancing around, he only knew that Beth was directly ahead of him, but not her exact location.

"Hey, I know you're there. Do you have a group? Either way, we should stick together, man." Daryl cut a glance over to Beth. She had dropped her backpack behind the tree, pulled the brim of her hat further down her face, and gripped her knife in her hand. She was silent and still, but the way she watched the approaching man made Daryl nervous. Clearly this kid was a moron, and Beth could have easily evaded him if she wanted. Why was she still here?

"Look kid, I aint gunna hurt ya. Just trying to keep us both alive. Easier to do if we are together." The fucker was getting closer and closer to Beth's tree. She was tucked behind it, listening to him approach and her face was once again visible to Daryl. He took in her calm expression, but her eyes gave her away. They were cold and calculating, the blue icing over and hardening her. Not a trace of fear, and that told him she had dealt with people before. This wasn't the first time she had stumbled across someone. And this wasn't the first time she held her ground instead of running away. He knew whatever she was about to do wouldn't be good.

"Just come on out," the stranger spoke slowly as he approached her tree, his hands nowhere near his gun making Daryl believe he wasn't actually too dangerous. "We can help each other." He moved past Beth's tree to the right, eyes not even bothering to keep a vigilant watch around a stranger and therefore missed her small body completely still and wrapping slightly around the left of the tree.

He made it a few steps away from her, his back completely exposed to her. Daryl kept his bow trained on him. It wasn't a clear shot, he was still too far away, but he had made more work with less before. Whether this man was actually dangerous or not, Daryl wasn't taking a chance with Beth. One wrong step, the second he reached for his gun, and that guy would have an arrow in his chest.

He saw Beth starting to move, but in the wrong direction. Instead of creeping to the other side of the tree, remaining hidden, she started taking low, silent steps towards him. She was approaching this asshole. Knife in her left hand, that side of her body led her quietly to him. Daryl watched in confusion. She was too close, and he didn't want to risk an arrow hitting her. Fuck. What was she doing? He was about to start making his way from his hiding spot towards them when she lunged.

She shot forward. The guy was almost a foot taller than her, but it didn't prove to be an obstacle. She grabbed the top of his backpack with her right hand, pulling down and back, then kicking the back to his left leg forward. She had him sitting on his ass, back towards her, and her knife on his throat in under a second.

"Woah. Dude, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean nothing-"

"Shut up." She cut him off by pressing the knife harder against his neck, eliciting a small whimper and nod. Daryl could only stand there, bow still trained on the now helpless stranger, and wonder to himself who the real danger was.

"Your gun loaded?" Her voice was cold and hard, and the no-nonsense tone made it clear that she meant business.

"Yeah. Only a few bullets left though," his voice shook and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Hands up." He complied slowly and without hesitation, smart enough to know he was in serious danger. She crouched down behind him, reaching with her right hand along his hip to grab the gun in question. Removing it from the holster, she stood slowly and inspected the weapon for a second. Satisfied with what she found, she removed the knife from his neck opting for the barrel of the gun at the back of his head instead.

"Take off the bag."

"Look, kid, that's all I got. I can't-"

"Take off the bag, or I will shoot you and take it off myself." Her voice was casual, and it chilled Daryl even more because he knew she meant it. She would kill this guy, who didn't try anything or pose a threat to her, without a second thought. And this stranger could see that now too. He slowly lowered his hands, awkwardly pulling his arms through the straps and allowing in the backpack to fall to the ground behind him. He raised his arms back up, absolute surrender.

She had now effectively disarmed and robbed this man. He had no weapon, aside from maybe a knife hidden somewhere, and no supplies. And Daryl held his breath, waiting to see what Beth would do next since she had yet to lower the gun. The seconds felt like hours and his feet were rooted in place. He knew better than to approach, but he wanted to stop her. She wasn't a killer. She wasn't cold and dark. She wasn't the person he was watching.

"Get out of here." He exhaled heavily and scrambled to his feet, running from her quickly. He only tossed back a single glance, but when he found her still standing with the gun pointed at him, he took off even faster. Daryl lowered his crossbow and kept his eyes on her, watching her with that gun still raised. That guy had been long out of sight before she finally lowered the weapon and tucked it into the back of her pants. Crouching down, she grabbed the stolen bag and began looking through it, all the while glancing up to where her victim had vanished.

Daryl slowly made his way towards her, the past few minutes hazing his eyes with a cloud of disbelief. What the fuck had just happened. Who was this girl that he once knew? It was obvious he didn't know who she was anymore, and he wondered if she even knew who she was now. How long had she been robbing people blind? Where did she learn to put someone on their ass like that? Why did she need to know? The questions only added to the haze that was now moving to his brain. He moved closer, his steps quiet but not entirely silent. He did not want to sneak up on her right now.

He knew the second she heard his approach. Her body went still for a millisecond before she was on her feet, grabbing the gun and aiming it right for him. It didn't stop him, and as he continued walking, he watched her face. The surprise was evident, he was not the person she was expecting. But seeing the emotion in her eyes was a relief. It reminded him that she was still human under that hard exterior. Somewhere under that ice and steel was still a person. If there wasn't, she would have shot him by now. She would have shot that stranger. But the fact that she didn't, that they were both still alive, gave him the smallest bit of hope. Maybe there was still a sliver of the girl he knew inside her.

"Beth… What happened to you?" His voice was rough from disuse, and it snapped her from her surprise. She shook her head and lowered the gun. Daryl felt a silent relief and his hope grew the smallest bit. She tucked the gun back into her pants and bent back down to continue rifling through the bag. Her eyes refused to meet his again, and just when he thought she planned to simply ignore him, she spoke.

"What are you doin' here? I told you not to call me that. And I told you to go back. You get brain damage or something since I saw you last?" Her tone was casual again, but she couldn't seem to make it quite as cold as before. He could tell she wanted to come off nonchalant, like his presence didn't matter to her in the least. But there was a slight shake to her hands as she pulled a few useful items from the bag, and he knew she was just putting on a front. And based on her snarky comments, he assumed it was rage she was trying to hold back.

"And I told you I ain't leavin'. Now you gunna tell me what the fuck that just was?" She simply shook her head in response, and exasperated sigh leaving her chest. She took her backpack off her shoulders and started filling it with her looted items. Nothing much, but she knew it was all that guy had. She knew. She had to.

"What happened to you?" He asked again, his voice quieter. He needed to know, he needed to hear what she had been through that made her into this person. It was painful to think about it, would be painful for both of them to have this conversation, but he needed to understand.

"You need to leave. You need to get outta here and go back. It's been days, and your family's gotta be worried, thinkin you're dead. Just get outta here." His family? Just his family? His blood boiled in his veins, her stupid stubbornness and insistence of her loner lifestyle flared his temper, throwing a match on a waiting pool of gasoline. She was really trying to get him to leave by using their family as a guilt trip, the same family she was adamant about walking away from? Fuck that.

"OUR family thinks YOU'RE dead! Don't ya think they should know ya ain't?"

"I am dead." Again with the attempted casual tone, but he could hear it slipping.

"No, ya ain't! Beth-"

"I am dead!" She jumped to her feet and finally met his eyes again. No amount of ice could put out the fire swimming in her eyes, both of their flames feeding the others. "Beth Greene is dead! The girl you knew, the girl with a family, the girl with hope and innocence, that girl is dead! She's gone! And now I'm here, standing in her place. Just cause we look alike don't mean a damn thing. Don't mean you know me. You don't! They don't! Not anymore. And there ain't no way I'm gunna go back and have them lookin' at me like you are now!"

"Lookin' at you like what?"

"Like I'm some broken little girl, that's just putting on a show and pretendin' to be tough. _Poor Beth Greene, bein' out there all alone_. Like I need to be taken care of. Like if you try hard enough, you can fix me and I'll go back to bein' someone you know. Soft. Hopeful. Weak." He watched the fire start to fade from her eyes, a sadness of sorts filling it. Maybe even regret. "Like someone you could recognize. You're just seein' what you want instead 'a what's actually in front 'a you." Seeing the fire die in her killed off the remnants of his own.

"So what? I'm just suppose ta let ya go?" Like that would ever be an option.

"It's better that way. Ain't no goin' back. Its only gunna hurt them. Thinkin' I'm alive only to find out the person they loved really is still gone. And I'm here now instead." Her voice was strong again, filled with resolve. He knew she really believed that, that her family wouldn't love her when they learned how she had changed.

He took a long pause and looked at her. Her dirty face and stupid baseball hat, baggy clothes torn and tattered. Blue eyes filled with a determination, and he realized that she was still someone he recognized. She was wrong. That resolve in her eyes, her refusal to hurt her family, it was still Beth. The Old Beth, the one she was running away from and trying to hide. Just as stubborn and misguided as ever. And his hope grew, before he could suppress it, that he would bring her back. Probably never 100% percent, but overtime he would break her down. He would chip away at all those walls until she was back, and Old Beth was smiling at him again. That smile was all that mattered.

All he needed was time. Just time for her to let him in. But he knew she would fight him tooth and nail and he couldn't stand her running from him constantly. He needed to give her an incentive, a reason to let him hang around.

"A'right. I get it. You don't wanna go back. That's fine," his voice reasonable and calm, attempting to persuade her. "But I gotta go back. They gotta know I'm a'right. And I gotta know you're a'right. So we're gunna go back together-"

"I just told ya-"

"Nah, listen to me. You can stay hidden. We won't go inside the walls. I'll just talk to Rick at the gate, and then we leave. Go wherever you want."

"I don't wanna go anywhere with you." She said it immediately, and it cut deep. He didn't give anything away, years of controlling his emotions allowing his face to remain neutral even though her words were like a fucking dagger in his stomach. He already knew how she felt, that she wanted nothing to do with him, she had made it pretty obvious. But it didn't matter. He wasn't important. The only important thing was getting her home.

"Well, tough shit Greene. Cause your other option is I go back, tell Rick n Maggie n Glenn that you're out here and then lead them all right to ya. And if you even think 'bout tryna to take off, I won't be alone when I find ya again." Her eyes narrowed and he knew he had her.

"Fine." She bit out, and turned around, crouching down to finish whatever she was doing with the stolen backpack before throwing her own back on her shoulders and throwing the looted one at him. He could practically hear her shouting at him in her mind, but he didn't mind. Hell, she could shout at him every day for the rest of his life and he wouldn't care. He had just bought himself time, and he would get her through this. He would bring her back, in every sense of the word.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Beth was pissed. Beyond pissed. Angry enough to spit nails and there was one person directly responsible.

Daryl Dixon.

What a complete jerk. Did he not know what the word 'no' meant? How completely obvious did she have to make it? Leave me alone. Should be simple enough, pretty straight forward. But it was like he had become deaf and blind, refusing to listen to a word she said.

He was so insistent on staying with her, so determined to not leave her again. He just didn't realize that she wasn't the girl he knew. It wasn't possible. That girl would have never survived on her own. So Beth adapted and changed, forming into a new person that would never fit the old mold. And normally that was fine with her.

But being around him, it was dangerous. Her subconscious relaxed at his familiarity, like taking off your shoes at the end of the day, not realizing how uncomfortable your feet had been until the relief rushed your body. That's how it felt when she first saw him. Everything rushed through her body, the emotions so intense after being restrained for so long. And now it felt like she was trying to shove her tired, swollen feet back into the same shoes that caused the discomfort in the first place.

It hadn't felt like work in a long time, controlling her mind and suppressing her emotions. Not since the very beginning. But being around him, it had suddenly become exhausting. It was like her mind wanted to self-destruct, wandering aimlessly into painful territory filled with memories that were set to explode like landmines. She had to constantly induce the numbness, control her features, and turn off her thoughts. It was infuriating.

And it didn't help that he was currently leading her to exactly where she didn't want to be. The only benefit was now knowing to avoid the area. But she didn't want to know where this place was, she didn't want to know anything. Yet here she was, creeping closer by the second and fighting the urge to stomp her feet the whole way, an urge that she hadn't felt in a long time. She didn't stomp her feet anymore. She didn't throw tantrums or let her emotions get the best of her. That girl, and all her irrational impulses, was long gone. So why was she feeling this way?

Glaring at a pair of angel wings, she had a sneaking suspicion she knew. And she was trapped. She had no choice and she knew it. She had really tried her hardest to cover her tracks, to get away from him. And she thought she made it! Watching him walk out of those woods after a few days was like a physical blow. So if he could still find her after all that work, she knew she wouldn't be able to lose him. And since he wouldn't shut up about getting her back to their family, she knew his threats weren't empty. He really would drag all of them out here searching for some dead girl that they couldn't just let go. Why couldn't he accept that they weren't her family any more. They wouldn't want to be if they ever found out the truth.

They had spent the rest of the day walking in silence, him leading the way and she stayed behind him. He had shot a couple squirrels as they went, not sparing the time for her to set snares or actually hunt anything more sufficient. She could tell he was tense, the set of his shoulders gave him away, and his pace told her how badly he wanted to get back to his home. She didn't blame him, but with every step she became more anxious. If she got too close and he didn't keep his word, she wouldn't be able to run from them. They would find her and drag her to their camp, and she would crush their short-lived hope revealing she was nothing like the girl they wanted to find.

Daryl paused ahead of her, dragging her from her thoughts and she silently reprimanded herself for having them in the first place. _Way to stay numb and control yourself._ Looking around, she realized how late in the day it was, the sun starting to dip casting long shadows on the forest floor. Daryl glanced at her quickly before taking a seat on a fallen log, removing the squirrels from his belt and pulling out his knife. He glanced at her again before beginning to skin the squirrels.

And just like that, she was thrust back in time. Weeks, months, maybe even years ago, when they had fled the prison. She knew this routine, just like she knew their morning routine too. Wherever he decided to sit and start skinning their dinner, that's where they set camp. And she would start digging a hole, make the fire, and set the string alarm. Only she was silent back then for a different reason. And she was the one glancing at Daryl much like he was looking at her now. The roles had reversed, and suddenly she was the unpredictable one, the surly one, who was clearly disappointed with their survival partner.

The realization kept her frozen in place, and everything felt so familiar and so wrong at the same time. She could remember how she felt around Daryl those first few days, before the country club and moonshine. How helpless she felt, and how he made her feel guilty for being stuck with him. For slowing him down. For needing him so much when he didn't need anything or anyone. How badly she just wanted an ounce of humanity from him, a sign of life. Now the tables had turned, and while Daryl would never need Beth to survive, he was the one longing for some humanity from her.

Knowing how he felt, it melted her anger, and only left a puddle of confusion. Before, Beth had stayed with Daryl after the prison for survival. He was family, and while they were practically strangers, he was still someone she trusted. She knew he would keep her safe and keep them alive. So she dealt with his horrible demeanor until he finally broke. But now, with positions switched, she couldn't understand why he was doing this. He didn't need her to survive. So why would he willingly follow her around after speaking with Rick? Either he was planning on revealing her when they got back to his camp and he had been lying this whole time, or he had some other reason for demanding she let him tag along. What could possibly be a strong enough motivator that he would leave his home and his family to follow her around the woods when his presence was clearly not desired?

"Why are you doin' this?" Still standing in the same spot, her voice was quiet and void of anger. But after a day of silence, it felt as if she had shouted the words. She held back a flinch at the suddenness of the words, the way they had left her mouth without her permission. It made her feel like a person she wasn't anymore, speaking without thinking. He stumbled in his movements slightly, shooting a quick glance at her through his hair before continuing his work on the squirrel. He didn't answer for a while, and she was starting to think he wouldn't when his rough voice filled the air.

"The same reason you're claimin' you wont go back." And after a moment, he looked up at her. His eyes pierced hers, the intensity of his gaze almost dragging an "oh" from her lips. But she held it in, hesitant to make a sound and lose the connection of his eyes. Instead, she let the blue that her mind had clung to so dearly while she was alone, clear away the confusion. His stormy, navy eyes made her chest tighten, and breathing suddenly became difficult because his gaze was so honest. So honest and so open. He wanted to protect her, from herself. And he wasn't going to let anything stop him. Her suspicions confirmed, she wouldn't be able to lose him no matter how hard she tried.

XXXXXXXX

The night and morning passed without event. Beth was still there when he woke up in the morning, and she didn't try to lose him at any point during the day. She still trailed behind him silently, but the air between them didn't feel quite so thick. The tense atmosphere from yesterday dissipated last night when he watched the anger clear from her eyes. And they had spent the morning traveling in a somewhat comfortable silence. Occasionally, when her footsteps grew nearly undetectable, he would send a glance behind him, but she was always there, her eyes trained on his boots and her face resigned. It seemed she had accepted he wasn't going to leave but Daryl wasn't going to hold his breath, and he continued to keep a watchful eye on her.

It was around midday when the trees started to thin and he knew they would be soon approaching the small neighborhoods that would eventually lead them to Alexandria. He looked back at Beth, and he knew immediately she was on edge. Her knees were bent more than normal, her steps even more careful, and her eyes were constantly scanning, refusing settle on anything for too long. Her hand rested easily on her knife, only it wasn't the bone white handle of her knife, and the thought brought his own hand to the knife in question. How could he have forgotten? Her knife resting on his hip, where it had been since they left Grady and Carol handed it to him in the woods.

He looked away from her, guilt filling his throat. He knew he should give it back to her. It was hers, it belonged on her hip. But the thought of taking it off, something he hadn't done since he put it there, made his gut clench and his mouth go dry. Guilt rose again in his throat, choking him, and he cleared his throat before throwing out a distraction they both clearly needed.

"Should be reachin' the walls in an hour or so." He hoped giving her some information would relax her, and God, he needed something, anything to distract him from the weight on his hip that now felt heavier than what should be possible.

"Walls?" Her voice was tense, but held the slightest curiosity and he latched on.

"Place called Alexandria. Couple 'a guys go out lookin' for new members. Found us 'nd brought us back. Got walls. Hot water. Electricity. 's fucking weird. Most of 'em been there since the turn. Don't know shit." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice towards the end. The people there definitely left something to be desired. He could feel her eyes on him more frequently since he started talking, and he looked back at her. Some tension had left her body, but her eyes gave away her fear.

"I been through all these houses before," he stated, wanting to reassure her. But she only gave a single nod, her eyes still darting around them though landing on him more often than before.

Thinking about Alexandria bought up his biggest hurdle. He had no idea what he was going to tell Rick. He had left the group before, back after he found Merle. Rick tried unsuccessfully to stop him, but things were different. Back then, he wasn't leaving alone. Rick knew he was with Merle, and that Daryl had loyalty to his brother above all else. Now, Rick was his brother. And Rick was going to think he was alone in the woods for no apparent reason? He knew Rick couldn't actually stop him, not really. But with their group already worried about him, he didn't need people coming after him and then finding him with Beth. It would completely betray any trust he was trying to build with her, and he did not need another obstacle when it came to the younger Greene.

The hour passed quickly, and soon the houses they were passing were on the outskirts of their community. He led them into the woods along the road they had been walking, and soon enough he could make out the walls coming into view. He stopped next to a tree with some low hanging branches and turned to Beth. Her eyes were narrowed and cold, and he tried not to flinch at the unexpected hatred lurking underneath. She was waiting for him to sell her out. And her warranted lack of trust in him brought back the simmering guilt with a heavy dose of anger.

"Up this tree," he bit out. "You'll have a clear view of the gate. 'nd you better fucking be here when I get back." He turned and started walking away, not waiting for her reaction. He walked out onto the street and started making his way towards the gate, trying to not think about the fact that he was leaving her back there alone and out of his eye sight. He fought the temptation to look back at her, to find her in the branches and know she was still there, still real, still breathing. No matter how fucking pissed he was, he wasn't mad at her, only himself. She shouldn't trust him, he didn't deserve that. He was the one that let her get kidnapped and shot. Shot dead. The thought trust him back into the memory, the sound of the gun firing, her head snapping back and small drops of her blood landing on his neck and face.

And the heaviness of the memory moved his head by it's own accord. He couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. She couldn't really be here. The impossibility of the situation always hit him when she was away from him, and he would grasp for reassurance, needing to see her again to know it was real. Otherwise, he was about to go tell Rick he would be leaving the group to chase a figment of his imagination. He could feel the weight of her lifeless body in his arms while his eyes searched through green, his breathing only resumed when he saw her face. Scarred and dirty and looking at him with annoyance, but she was there. She was there and he could breathe again, the weight lifted from his arms. He could turn and finish this conversation and get her back by his side.

When he was close enough to identify, the gates opened and he knew Sasha was on guard duty. It made him nervous. He knew she was a damn good shot, and he didn't want to risk Beth. Sasha had been operating on a "kill now, ask questions later" mindset, and the last thing he needed was her mistaking Beth for a walker or a threat.

"Go get Rick," he shouted up to her. His impatience leaked out into his voice, and she met his eye briefly before returning to her rifle.

"He was in the chapel, last I knew." Daryl paused just outside the open gate, and felt Eugene's eyes on him. He shook his head at him slightly, declining his unspoken invite to come inside the walls, before lowering his gaze to the ground.

"Can't come inside. Just go get Rick. I gotta talk to him." He could feel Sasha's full gaze on him now, and he breathed a silent sigh of relief, knowing he had distracted her enough that there was less of a chance she would see Beth, even if the possibility was minimal. Eugene still stood at the gate, and Daryl was already expecting his long winded response before he even opened his mouth.

"While I normally would oblige an order from someone with your level of-"

"I ain't gunna repeat myself. Now you best start walkin," Daryl growled, meeting Eugene's eyes and taking a menacing step forward. He knew Eugene was a coward above all else, and intimidating him was almost too easy. He immediately turned around and started walking into the town. Daryl grunted, taking a step back and leaning against the open frame. He cast his eyes up briefly to meet Sasha's gaze before taking in his surroundings and fighting the urge to look back at Beth.

It wasn't long before Rick's shape started making his way down towards him, followed by Michonne and Eugene. The comfort he normally found at seeing Rick take control of a situation was overshadowed by the knowledge of what he needed to do.

"What's goin' on?" Rick approached quickly, Michonne a silent shadow behind him and Eugene taking his place back by the gate.

"Gotta talk to you." Daryl jerked his head towards the street outside the gate, his hands clenching his crossbow tighter and he met Rick's eyes dead on, quickly darting to Michonne in an unspoken request to talk alone. Rick nodded, sending a quick glance over his shoulder at Michonne before following Daryl about 20 feet outside of the gate.

"We were getting worried 'bout you. Out there longer than we expected." Daryl nodded and turned around facing him. "What happened? You find something out there?" Concern filled Rick's eyes, and Daryl knew he was worried about a potential threat.

"Nah, nothing like that." Daryl shook his head and dropped his gaze for a second. He really didn't want to lie, but he needed to make sure Rick didn't send anyone after him. He was hoping that after all the shit they had gone through, Rick would trust him now and support him the same way Daryl had _almost_ always done.

"I gotta stay out here for a while… There's somethin' I gotta do. I'll be back. Don't plan on goin' too far. But ya can't send anyone out lookin'. Try 'nd keep everyone outta the woods if ya can." Daryl held Rick's gaze as the man considered his request. Rick was silent for a while, searching for something in Daryl's eyes but he didn't know what, before nodding his head and casting in eyes down. Rick took a few steps, shifting his weight, before raising his eyes to look out into the woods in question. Rick squinted his eyes against the sun, and Daryl had seen this expression before. He was really considering the situation and his reaction to it. The seconds flew by, and it made Daryl nervous for his request to go unanswered for so long, until finally Rick spoke while still looking at the woods behind him.

"How long are you thinkin' it'll take?" Daryl shrugged his shoulders, the action causing Rick to meet his eyes again, and Daryl knew that wouldn't be a good enough answer. The way Rick was looking at him, like he understood exactly what was happening, felt weird until Daryl thought of Lori. He could remember how much time Rick spent outside the prison fences, chasing her ghost and losing his mind. It chilled Daryl's blood.

"Dunno. Takes as long as it takes, I guess." Daryl really hoped that would be enough. Honestly, he had no idea how long it would take him to help Beth get through this, to get her to see why she should come back to her family. It was entirely out of his hands. And this was all assuming she was real, that she was really out there. Doubt began creeping in again, remembering Lori and how he had hallucinated Merle.

"Two months from now… weathers gunna change, gunna start gettin' colder. If you still need more time by that point, at least get word back to us that you're holed up somewhere, got supplies and shelter. If the weather changes, and I haven't heart from you…" Rick shook his head slightly. "Then I ain't got much of a choice but to come lookin'." Two months. He hoped that would be enough time. Daryl nodded his head and lowered his gaze, needing to escape Rick's eyes. The way he was looking at him, that level of understanding, it made Daryl feel too exposed. Like Rick was about to point out where Beth was in the woods, or call Daryl out on seeing a ghost.

Rick gently grasped his shoulder, their goodbye exchange, and Daryl started to turn when Rick spoke again.

"Whatever it is you're looking for, don't let lost trying to find it." _Too late._ Daryl thought, before silently walking away.

XXXXXXX

Beth held her breath, watching as Daryl started walking back towards her. Rick stood for a moment, watching him go, before turning and going to the other direction towards the gate. The further apart the men got, the easier it was to breath. She had watched their conversation carefully, looking for any sign of surprise or shock on Rick's face, and indication at all that he was being told someone he had watched die was still very much alive. But there was none. Daryl had kept his word, and for whatever reason, Beth felt angry at herself for ever doubting him. Which only led to her feeling angry at herself for feeling any anger in the first place, especially for a stupid reason. She had survived so long feeling nothing, that emotions made her feel weak and vulnerable, like the girl she was before. That's not who she wanted to be. She didn't want to be anything or anyone. She just wanted to exist, free from thoughts and feelings.

But the way she couldn't stop her heart from clenching when she saw Rick, she knew she could never come here. Being around her family, it would only make her weak again. She wouldn't be able to stop herself from feeling, from thinking, and the only way she had survived this long was by avoiding both those things. Coming here, being around these people, it would weaken her defenses and leave her exposed. And when they found out who she was now, the person she had become, they would kick her out and she would have to work so hard to become numb again.

She could already feel it happening, being here, being so close to the people that were currently the biggest threat to her mental safety. She was slipping. She was feeling. And no matter how hard she fought it, she couldn't regain control of her brain. She felt helpless and trapped, panic was setting in and her breathing was speeding up and she needed to get away from this place. She scurried down the tree as fast as she could, landing in a crouch on the forest floor.

Without thinking, she brushed away the fallen pine needles until her fingers met the dirt. She hadn't done this since the beginning, hadn't needed to. But she felt too exposed, her emotions and thoughts leaving her flustered, and she resorted to one of the few things that comforted her and helped her gain control. She dragged her hands through the dirt, watching the small brown particles stick to her skin and settle in the lines on her palms. When her hands were sufficiently discolored enough, she stood, rubbing them together and feeling the grainy texture on her fingers.

Slowing her breathing down, she kept her eyes peeled for Daryl and listened for his footsteps. He would get here, they would leave, and she would regain control. She focused her thoughts on feeling the dirt on her hands, trying to push away the panic and remind herself of who she was. She was dirty, she was impure, and she used that to protect herself. It was her survival technique. She used the dirt to hide who she was, to blend in and stay hidden, both physically and mentally.

She heard Daryl before she saw him, which was odd because his normally silent steps were loud and rushed. She turned her face to the sounds of his approach just as he broke through the woods, and she saw her own panic reflected in his eyes. His control was just as lost as hers, and the thought eased her mind slightly. He was coming towards her fast, and the instincts she relied on so heavily betrayed her when her feet closed the distance between them instead of increasing it. Before she could feel any frustration at her actions, he was right in front of her, one hand ripping off her hat while his other grabbed her face. His hand was so big compared to her small features, his fingers wrapped around her cheek, thumb crossing her chin and settling on her jawbone. Her hands moved immediately, one coming to the middle of his chest and the other wrapping around the wrist attached to hand that was holding her face.

And whether she brought her hands up to stop him or comfort him, she didn't want to analyze, but she could feel his pulse flying and his heart beating out of control. And his eyes held so much panic and fear, she almost opened her mouth to ask what was wrong. But his blue eyes kept her mouth shut as they darted endlessly between hers, scanning her face, settling on her scars before returning to her eyes again while his fingers tightened slightly. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like years before his heartbeat slowed and his eyes seemed to relax.

He didn't say a word, but he didn't have to. She got it. He was worried he would get here and she would be gone. Whether physically gone or just something he imagined, either way he needed to see her, to feel her, to know she was really here. And the relief that he couldn't keep from shining in his eyes made her feel guilty. She wasn't someone he should be relieved to find. She didn't warrant that reaction. And the thought had her dropping her hands, stepping back and forcing him to let her go. She knew her eyes had hardened, and she remembered immediately where she was. The panic began to creep up her throat as he looked down, dropping her gaze and shuffling his feet slightly like he was embarrassed. When his gaze dropped and he remembered he still held her hat, he offered it to her silently. His eyes only glanced up at her once quickly, before dropping again and scanning the area.

She grabbed her hat back, holding it in her teeth while she twisted her hair up into a messy knot. Effectively hiding her hair, she closed down whatever moment they had shared when she pulled the brim of her hat down, shielding her face. The longer she stood there, not moving and tasting the remains of the leftover guilt and panic swimming in the air, the more she felt her flight reflexes itching. Resisting the urge to twitch, needing to regain some type of control, she kicked into action.

"I need to get away from here." She tried to keep any emotions from her voice, but at the moment it wasn't really important. She didn't care as long as she got away. Without watching for his reaction or looking to see if he would follow, she started walking as fast as she could without breaking into a run.

Whatever happened back there, it was going to stay there. What she felt when she saw Rick. The way she let Daryl touch her. The way she touched him back. The emotions. The thinking. The feelings. All of it. She was leaving it back there and it had to stay _there_. She was never coming back to this place again. She was never going to slip again. That was her past, and there was no going back. She pulled the brim of her hat further down her face, catching a glimpse of her soiled fingers as she did. She was dirty now. There was no changing that.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The days passed without incident. Once they had gotten a decent distance away from Alexandria, any remaining tension between the two seemed to fade. Beth seemed to accept that Daryl wouldn't be leaving any time soon. He still hated when she wasn't within his sights, but no longer did he worry that she would run. He was more concerned to find that she had never been there in the first place. Rick's last words haunted him, his brain choosing random moments to replay them and every time his blood would run cold. He would look at Beth, and hope that this was real. It had to be. His brain wouldn't conjure up a version of her that was so fucked up. He wouldn't imagine having to wake her up from horrible nightmares every night that he pretended not to hear, saying only that it was her turn for watch. If his mind was playing games with him, they would never involve seeing her in so much pain while she slept.

Doubt still crept up on him occasionally, but one look at that stupid fucking hat and Daryl could feel she was real. Leading them around the forest in no apparent direction. They had fallen into a silent routine of nothing but wandering. He would kill small prey throughout the day, if they stumbled upon a cabin they would clear it quickly. He noticed how tense she became around buildings, the way she wanted to get out as soon as possible. She would barely scavenge, more interested in killing anything inside and moving on than searching for hidden treasures. It was different, just like most of her was.

Thinking about how different she was now brought Daryl to his current dilemma. How the hell was he supposed to help her? He had jumped into this situation with both feet, vowing to himself that he would bring Beth back. But he had no fucking idea how to do that. He didn't even know where to start. And with Rick's deadline in the forefront of his mind, he knew he was burning borrowed time.

He had spent all day, every day since they left the gate, trying to figure out what to do. He figured the only thing he _could_ do was push her to start talking, find out more information. Too bad he was the shittiest conversationalist alive. And what the fuck was he going to say to her? How do you ask someone how they got so fucked up that they want nothing to do with their family?

It didn't help that _she_ was normally the talker, always going on about some bullshit that didn't matter to pass the time. And a long time ago, it used to drive him crazy. Her need to fill the silence with useless words. Now it was her silence that was annoying. From her refusal to start any conversation unless it was necessary to her quiet footsteps, it was all a reminder of how much he had failed her. He had to constantly force back his self-loathing. He knew being an asshole to her was probably the worst option to get her to start talking.

He sat on the ground, looking at their small fire and chewing the skin around his thumb. It had been days, and he needed to stop waiting for some brilliant idea to strike him. It never would. He just needed to get her to start talking, and hopefully she would take over from there. He stole a glance at her, the fire lighting her face, shadows dancing on her dirty skin, her eyes just barely visible under that dumb hat. God, he hated that fucking hat. He never felt so much annoyance at a single, inanimate object. He couldn't exactly pin point why he despised the baseball cap so much, but he wanted to grab the thing and throw it in the fire. What was worse was the way she _always_ wore the damn thing. It never left her fucking head, like she needed it to breathe or something. And the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"What's with the hat?" He inwardly cringed, hating how he had no idea how to talk to the person that was now easily the most important in his life. And choosing not to acknowledge that last thought, he watched her instead. He watched her body freeze, every muscle seemed to tense and her jaw clenched tightly. He knew instantly it was the wrong topic to bring up, and he wanted to grab the words and shove them back in his mouth.

She shrugged, but it was stiff and forced. He could see the work behind what failed to pass for nonchalance. A few more seconds of silence followed, and Daryl knew she wasn't going to answer him, when her eyes met his. He held her gaze, and she raised an eyebrow in an unspoken challenge. _Are you gunna push it?_ It was nearly a dare, like she was waiting for him to ask again and demand an answer from her. But he could still see the tension in her body, her jaw was still clenching and he imagined it was painful at this point. He shook his head slightly, watching her exhale and look back at the fire. An unspoken answer to an unspoken question, and he couldn't help but wonder if he made the right choice.

He knew eventually he _would_ have to push her, to drag some answers out of her. He couldn't wait around for her to willingly offer it, not with Rick's deadline looming too near. He knew his other option was to let Rick know that he was okay and just needed more time. But that wasn't really an option, not after seeing her reaction to Alexandria. He could see the panic in her eyes, the way she nearly ran from the neighborhood. They couldn't go anywhere near that place until she was ready. She could barely handle being inside a cabin, let alone the walls and houses of Alexandria.

He would need to ease her back into things. Back into talking, back in to buildings. If he had any hope of ever getting her to go inside the walls, he would need to get her more comfortable going inside buildings. And if he ever wanted her to open up and tell him her story, he would need to start getting more than shrugs from her. Slowly, a plan began to make a rough shape in his mind. He just hoped it wouldn't be met with too much resistance.

He stood up and stamped out the fire, turning to see Beth already laying down for the night. He settled in for watch, sitting against a tree trunk, and thought of all the ways tomorrow would be different.

XXXXXXX

They had just finished eating, a couple of squirrels and a can of beans they found in a cabin. A can of beans _she_ had found in a cabin because he pretty much ordered her to. It wasn't the first small hunting cabin they had stumbled upon, and clearing a cabin with only a few rooms was always pretty straight forward. You could almost always tell if there was a walker inside or not, and they used the same routine they always had. He would knock and wait, she would open the door and he would keep his crossbow ready. She would follow him inside, they would clear the rooms and from there she would leave as quickly as possible before the walls could close in on her completely. He would scavenge whatever he could find while she kept watch, scanning the area for any movement or walkers attracted by their noise.

She knew the first time they had cleared a cabin, he looked at her with an odd expression when she went outside as soon as the place was deemed safe. But he never asked or brought it up, and he adapted to her new role in their old routine quickly. Until today.

Today, after the single walker in the cabin was taken care of, he threw her a curveball.

"Check out the kitchen, I gotta look at something outside." He said it quickly on his way through the door, without looking at her and left before she could argue. And she was standing there, staring after him dumbly for a moment. She knew she couldn't ignore him and go outside. He would ask questions and she didn't want to give the answers, not now and not ever. It was a simple enough request, and something she should be able to do without any issues. But her feet were cemented to floor for a few moments and she couldn't get them to move. She could feel her pulse speeding up, and squeezed her eyes shut.

She was stronger than this. She survived. And with those thoughts, she took a deep breath and walked to the door. Before her hand gripped the handle, she felt panic bubble in her throat. What if it was locked? What if she really was trapped in here? She couldn't stop the thoughts from popping up, but she could stop herself from reacting violently. She pulled the brim of her hat down and reached for the door, slowly turning the handle and letting out a soft exhale when she met no resistance. She opened the door halfway, enough to see the woods beckoning to her, luring her towards them.

But she turned and walked back towards the kitchen, opening the cabinets and drawers. She threw a look over her shoulder every few seconds, seeing the open door and reminding herself she wasn't trapped. There were a few windows, an open door, and she wasn't being held captive. She was free. She could walk out that door at any second. And she repeated those thoughts over and over, creating a mantra to force the panic back down her throat.

She found a couple old cans of beans, and slipped her backpack off her shoulders. She was stuffing the cans in when Daryl walked back inside and to the other side of the cabin where a few trunks were sitting. He didn't look at her or act like anything different had happened. And why would he? It's not like he knew what happened to her, or how she couldn't stand to be surrounded by walls. She couldn't be mad at him for expecting her to do something any survival partner should be able to do nowadays.

"Find anythin'?" He was riffling through the trunks, not looking at her when he spoke.

"Couple cans. Not much." She stood, throwing the back pack over her shoulder. She had only taken two steps towards the door when his words made her stop.

"Better than nothin'." She could feel his eyes on her, burning holes in her back, and she couldn't stop her mind from running away on her. Because while those 3 words were obviously directly towards the meager kitchen loot, they also happen to fit her situation a little too perfectly. And she knew she was just being paranoid and overthinking everything, but the way she felt his eyes on her, the weight of them pressing down on her, she was almost positive he was saying those words to her and not about the cans in her backpack.

And like the crazy person she could feel herself becoming, those words bounced around in her head and she convinced herself he knew everything. Knew what she was hiding, knew all her dark secrets, knew how they changed her into a completely different person. He had set up this whole thing. He knew that she hated being inside, and he had forced her to do it with a seemingly innocent ploy. And now as she ran away to escape, he was telling her those few minutes in the kitchen, they were better than nothing. He was praising her in the only way Daryl Dixon knew how, subtle and indirect.

And thinking that Daryl was proud of her, made a tightness that for so long lived inside her chest loosen and relax. While she knew she was definitely over thinking the small exchange, the weight of his stare kept her from completely dismissing her wild assumptions. She fought the instinct to look back at him, to see if he really was watching her and what clues his expression could give away to feed her growing insanity. Instead, she continued walking through the cabin and out the door.

Now, hours later, those words were still bouncing around in her head. Staring into the flames of the small fire, she let herself wonder why they were affecting her so much. She went over the exchange a million times, trying to force herself to believe that he was just talking about the cans. But her gut told her it was about her, and she learned to always trust her gut.

The bigger question was why she cared so much, why she reacted like this to thinking that Daryl was the slightest bit proud of her. She didn't even want him here... And that thought made her shift slightly, a heaviness filling her stomach that had nothing to do with their dinner. Was that still true?

She looked over at the man in question. His too long hair hanging in his tired face. Did she want him here? She had been so adamant about him leaving her alone. But it seemed that Daryl could do that while being right next to her. All of the reasons why she is staying away from her family, all the judgement and rejection and pain, none of that was happening with Daryl. He was out here with her, watched her rob that guy, and obviously could see how different she was. But he never pushed her for answers, not nearly as hard as she knew he could. He didn't toss her to the side, throw her away like garbage after seeing who she had become. And since they left Alexandria, he stopped looking at her like he was waiting for her to change and become the person she used to be.

Most importantly, he didn't force her to do anything. He didn't force her back to Alexandria, or to talk about where she had been this whole time. He didn't push her to say or do _anything_. He just followed her around, quiet and calm, surviving beside her and seeming perfectly content to be here instead of back with the rest of his family. That was the most confusing part. Why he would willing be here, when he had such a better option back home. Walls and running water and electricity, those were things people killed for nowadays. And he passed it all up to go on a shitty camping trip with her.

"Don't matter that the world ended, it's still rude to stare." His gruff voice broke her thoughts, and she realized she _had_ been staring at him. She looked down immediately, embarrassed for some strange reason. She hadn't felt embarrassed in a long time, and the emotion made her shift uncomfortably. She dared a glance at him again, but he still wasn't looking at her.

"Sorry," she muttered softly, looking down again. He didn't look particularly mad, but sometimes he always seemed to look annoyed. And she felt like a little girl being scolded, which wasn't sitting right. Why was she letting his words affect her so much?

"Never thought I'd be teachin' _you_ 'bout manners." Her eyes flew up at his voice again, and she watched as he slowly look over at her and smirked. Beth's mouth dropped open and she couldn't stop the surprise from fluttering over her features, before exhaling a small chuckle. Daryl Dixon was teasing her? She shook her head slightly, feeling the corners of her mouth lifting ever so slightly. Looking at the fire again, it took a second before his words hit her. And when they did, her head snapped back up to look at him to find his eyes still on her. She knew the shock on her face was blatantly obvious, but she couldn't help it. She searched his features, wondering if his words were actually _that_ deliberate, and when his smirk grew she knew they were.

 _Never thought I'd be teachin' you 'bout manners._ Never. He was playing with her. Memories rushed back. A small, shitty shack. The burning in the back of her throat. Shouting and tears, quiet confessions ending in a fiery beacon of hope. All starting with a stupid game and too much moonshine. And she realized what he was doing. He was offering an olive branch, giving her an opening. It was her chance, if she wanted to take it, to start talking again outside of necessary communication.

He was bringing her back to a time when that was safe, a time when she could say anything and she did. A time when she didn't have to think so much about surviving and instead could just exist. And she found herself wanting to respond, wanting to take that olive branch and hold onto it. But wanting that scared her, because she knew it would change the dynamic they had established. It would put things in an unpredictable place, and Beth didn't do unpredictable anymore. She took calculated moves and only acted when the outcome was known and in her favor.

"Never thought _you_ would be talkin' more than me." She words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she realized that this unknown wasn't that bad. She could handle this. It wasn't life or death. And when Daryl chuckled softly at her words, she almost began to like the unknown.

"Ya, me neither." His voice was still amused but with an undertone of disbelief. He shook his head slightly and looked back at the flames.

"Why don't you like Alexandria?" The question was out of her mouth before she even realized she wanted to ask, before she had even decided that he didn't like Alexandria and she wanted to know why.

"Wha' do you mean?" He looked over at her, his eyes narrowed and confused, defensive almost and she couldn't understand why. It seemed like an innocent enough question. She shrugged and tried to avoid backpedaling too much.

"Sounds like a paradise, like what everyone is lookin' for. But you didn't seem too excited about it. And you are out here instead of back there. Just get the feelin' you don't like it too much." She tried to explain herself, to breakdown how exactly she knew he hated it there without admitting that she just _knew_ this was true. She didn't want to admit, even to herself, that sometimes she could read Daryl without even trying, that she could just know somethings beyond a doubt. Nothing everything, by any means. The man would always be a mystery. But sometimes, she just knew.

His eyes were still on her, conflict growing and she could see he was debating something. What, she had no idea. But he was looking at her with slight confusion, like he was trying to figure something out about her. Maybe trying to decide whether he would actually answer. A few seconds passed before he shook his head and looked back at the fire.

"Don't really know. Since we got there, just didn't feel right bein' there. 's too much like how things used ta be. Never belonged in a place like that. Hell, I never even been in a place like that. And the people there…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head again. The silence grew between them, and Beth averted her eyes, thinking that was all the answer she would get.

Questions popped into her head and she had to stop them from flying out of her lips. It was strange. She had spent so much time alone, it had been a while since she had consistently been around the same person, especially someone that she knew. And a while ago, all these questions floating in her brain would already be out, a younger version of herself seeing no reason to hold anything back. It was foreign to feel those habits resurface, uncomfortable but not unwanted. Knowing she was somewhat okay with these old pieces of herself reestablishing themselves in such a natural manner only brought more questions. And these questions she was much more hesitant to face.

Movement beside her broke her thoughts, and she looked up to see Daryl standing and putting out the small fire. Knowing it was her cue, she laid back on the ground and rolled to her side. She could hear him settling against a tree behind her, getting ready to keep for the next few hours, and another strong emotion surged through her. Gratitude. And she was once again fighting the urge to let words slip from her mouth. She wanted to thank him, and she wasn't entirely sure why. She was sure she could figure it out easily enough, but her brain had spent all day overworking and overanalyzing. She closed her eyes and let herself fully feel this emotion, happy for once that she seemed to have lost the ever present numbness she once clung to so dearly. Warmth spread in her chest, and she couldn't help but extend her own olive branch, no matter how weak it was.

"Good night," she spoke softly, trying to let the words soak up some of the gratitude she felt so Daryl could hear it in her voice. She realized she had never said those words to him, at least not since finding each other again. She had barely spoken period, but the social niceties that were once instinctual had been missing from their interactions. And she felt bad for that, though she knew manners were a thing of the past and Daryl was never one for small talk. She supposed it was just the humanity of the actions that she missed.

"Night, Beth." His voice was softer than earlier, and she tried not to stiffen at the use of her name. It was easier than she expected.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Daryl watched her, walking ahead of him, like he did most days. He still couldn't get over how quiet she was now, her footsteps so light and intentional. She looked almost graceful now, walking through the forest. He could remember how she would stumble around before, looking like a baby deer with her too long legs almost snagging on branches and her doe eyes still innocent and hopeful. Now she walked through the brush like a feral cat, dangerous and always ready to pounce.

Things were changing. Slowly. Almost painfully slow. But she was slightly different than the girl who ran away from him. New elements were being added to their routine, and while the progress was almost undetectable, Daryl tried not to get discouraged. Now they would share a small conversation every night after they ate, watching the flames die down. It was always safer topics and it always began with Daryl sharing something he had never done. He would spend all day thinking about what he would tell her that night, trying to find the perfect fact about himself to reveal. And it was a challenge. He hated talking about himself, and didn't really enjoy having to bring up so much about his past. But it was Beth. And if it kept her talking to him, he would tell her every secret he had.

She also started to help him scavenge more. They had only stumbled across 2 buildings since he forced her to check out the kitchen. Both were just small shacks, a couple rooms without much inside. And both times, after making sure the place was cleared, she silently went to the kitchen. Neither said anything about it, and she would check all the cabinets and drawers faster than he imagined possible before heading outside. He stole a few glances at her while she scavenged, and he could see the way her hands shook slightly, the way her breathing picked up, the way she kept looking at the open door every few seconds.

Seeing her eyes dart around, trying to keep the panic at bay but not completely succeeding, combined with her nightmares… He knew. It only became clearer that whatever she went through, it was one of the worst things a person could survive. And he really didn't want to know what it was. But he needed to know. He needed to know everything she wasn't ready to tell him. So he bit his tongue, keeping his questions inside and hoping eventually, one night, she would just tell him. Because maybe if he revealed enough of himself, she would share her story too. And he would listen, not because he wanted to hear it. God, the last thing he wanted to know what all the shit that happened to her because of him. But he needed to know her past, needed to know all of it so he could help her move on.

He knew Rick's deadline was coming up too quickly, the stifling heat become more bearable with each passing day. But he tried not to worry about it too much, because things _were_ shifting. He could see flashes of life in her eyes when they talked at night, some emotions easier to read than others. Anything was better than the cold, calculating, steel blue from before. And he hoped he wasn't just imagining things, that her icy eyes were actually defrosting slightly.

He already knew what he wanted to tell her tonight. Actually, he had thought of it last night right before they ate and he had no idea how to bring it up without her immediately shutting down. He had caught a glimpse of her hammock and instantly remembered watching her use it while he was tracking her. Daryl knew it was a long shot, but he wanted them to go looking for another one for himself. Then, they could both sleep throughout the night safely and neither would need to keep watch.

What he really wanted, was to go back to some smaller towns and stores. He would need to get her used to being around buildings again if he had any hope of getting her into Alexandria, and this seemed like the perfect ruse. He imagined any sporting goods or outdoor store would still have some hammocks inside, and they would need to go into at least a midsized town to find one. No reason not to search the houses along the way. It would get help get her back on her feet, and get her sleeping off the ground.

But Daryl knew that leaving the forest was the last thing she would ever want to do. While it seemed like they had no direction, Daryl knew better. He noticed how she would always change directions if the trees began to thin or the roads became paved instead of dirt. And they had managed to make it this long without fighting. Conversations were becoming more comfortable and some of the manners her family ingrained were beginning to reappear. Daryl didn't want to lose any progress he had made.

He brought his thumb to his teeth, chewing on the skin surrounding the nail and considering his options. He knew they had become more comfortable speaking at night, the darkness providing some cover while exposing different parts of themselves. It would be normal to wait until tonight. On the other hand, if this idea really pissed her off, he would risk her taking off in the night. And while he doubted Beth would leave him asleep and unprotected, she was still a wild card. He had accepted that he really didn't know her like he used to, and he was trying to take the steps to get to know this New Beth while finding ways to resurface some of her old self.

Suddenly, it hit him. If he didn't tell her where they were going, she couldn't fight him. It was fucked up, especially when Daryl knew her unspoken opinion, but what wasn't fucked up now? He picked up his pace, coming to walk beside her instead of trailing behind. She looked over at him, brow furrowed and eyes confused. He had just been following her lead for so long.

"Got somewhere I wanna go." He made sure not to ask anything, not for her permission or her willingness to follow. Just a statement, waiting to see her reaction. Her pace slowed slightly as she thought it over, eyes still on him but narrowed. Daryl bit the inside of his cheek, waiting to see how and if she would respond.

Beth slowed down more, stopping completely and staring at him. Her hesitance was obvious, but her reasons why were less so. She opened her mouth to say something, fear flashing in her eyes briefly, and then closed her mouth, pursing her lips. The fear struck him as odd for a second before he understood. Alexandria. She was worried he would lead her back to Alexandria without her knowing it.

"Not there," he said immediately and shook his head once. Her body relaxed the tension he didn't realize she was holding but her eyes remained narrowed in his, still suspicious and hesitant. The silence extended for a few moments before she exhaled and nodded. Her eyes were uneasy, and Daryl had no idea if when he took these first steps, she would be following or not. He nodded back and started to walk, looking down at the ground and searching for her feet to be behind his.

They were. The tension vanished from his shoulders, and he almost felt the corners of his mouth turning up. He wasn't sure why, but this felt like a huge accomplishment. Nothing had happened. He spoke a grand total of seven words and they exchanged a few nods. But it felt like a giant step towards something huge. She had agreed to not only stay with him, but trust him to take the lead. Granted, she would be madder than a wet cat when she found out where they were going. But she had an opportunity to fight him, for them to go separate ways, and she chose to stay with him instead.

That had to mean something.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They had spent the majority of the day following his lead. They had stayed in the cover of the woods, but were trailing long major roads and he knew they would be approaching a town eventually. The few houses they had come across were all combed over, with barely anything useful inside. Beth had kept to her new routine, checking out only the kitchen before moving outside. There was only one house where the kitchen wasn't within sights of a door. Daryl stayed in the living room, watch her struggle to let the exit leave her field of vision. When she was out of sight, he could still tell she was unsteady. She didn't make a single sound, and no matter how hard he strained his ears listening for her, he couldn't hear a thing.

She was always quiet, but never that completely silent. And that was something Daryl understood. The need to remain quiet for survival. The fear of being heard and waking the monsters lurking in the darkness. He already knew her monsters were bigger and scarier than most. When she came back from the kitchen, her eyes were so cold and void of emotion, he almost stopped her. He almost called out to her, to find out if she would still respond to him. But he didn't, and now sitting at their small fire, he was glad he resisted. Because she was here, the fire that danced in her eyes illuminating the life that sparked inside her when the sun descended and they exchanged some mindless chatter.

But like every good thing in his life, Daryl had to sabotage it. Pushing too much too soon.

"Ever gunna tell me the real reason you wont go back?" The words he had been wanting to ask ever since that first day slipped from his lips and he cringed. He watched her, gauging her reaction, and waited for the regret to hit him. But it never came. Only relief flooded his veins and a tension released inside his chest at finally setting those words free to cause whatever destruction they could.

But her response was extremely underwhelming. She merely shrugged, seeming genuinely unaffected by the question he had told himself was crossing an unspoken line. The easy atmosphere surrounding them remained undisturbed, and he was surprised how comfortable he still felt.

"Already told you. I ain't that girl anymore. Goin' back would only hurt everyone. I'm different now. And when they realize that, it'll be like I'm dyin' all over again."

"Pftt." Daryl shook his head and lowered his eyes. She was such an idiot.

"What?" Daryl shook his head again, meeting her eyes to see genuine curiosity. She really believed that what she just said was true. How could she be so blind? How could she think that coming back to her family would be anything like losing her again?

"Nothin'."

"No, tell me. What?" She waited. When he didn't answer immediately and only shook his head again in response, a challenge grew in her eyes. "You think I'm the same girl they knew? That I didn't change?"

Daryl looked at her, really looked at her. He knew she was right, that she was different and had changed. No one would discredit that. He looked at her dirty face, taking a second to let his eyes rest on each scar. The arch above her eye brow. The mark along her cheek. The dirt and grime on her skin that she hid behind like a camouflage. The longer he looked at her, the more her features softened. Her eyebrows lowered and the challenging nature left her eyes. Her lips parted slightly, and her breathing came a tad bit quicker. Her eyes filled with a slow building intensity, such that Daryl wondered what he was revealing with his own eyes to elicit such a reaction. Seconds passed. The air became heavier in a way that felt strangely familiar and thicker with the anticipation of his answer. And when he spoke, it was with carefully chosen words, his voice quiet and rough.

"Yeah, you're different. 'nd you changed. But not as much as ya keep tellin' yourself… No more than anyone else."

She inhaled and blinked her eyes rapidly, dropping his gaze and breaking the connection. He watched her, looking down at her hands and turning them over. She looked at them almost like she had never seen them before.

He stood and put out the fire, letting the night take over and settling against his tree. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he made out her shape. She was still sitting up, looking down at her lap, and he worried that he had finally pushed too far. That tonight she would run away from him again. And damn, he had tried to find the right words, even though talking was absolutely not his strong suit. Settling his crossbow in his lap, he tried not to fidget while his thoughts ran rapid and doubt started to take route.

He was waiting for the regret to hit. Well, here it was. Bitter and acidic, turning his stomach violently. He glanced up at her quickly and she still hadn't moved an inch, was still staring at her hands like she could see them in the darkness. Fuck, he was such a fucking idiot. The self-loathing he normally tried to push away crashed down on him, and it was hard to sit here and deal with it. He wanted to run, to get away from her proximity, to do something to work off this building anger.

"Good night… Daryl." His eyes snapped back up to her at the sound of her soft voice. It sounded so much like the Old Beth, a little unsure and vulnerable, but with a strength that the girl sitting in front of him could never lose. A perfect mixture of Old and New. But it was his name, his name leaving her lips, that made all his thoughts stop. She hadn't said his name since they first found each other. They had spent at least a week together, but not once did she ever say his name. Even though they didn't talk much, he still found it odd that it never even slipped.

Hearing it now, he understood. It made things personal. She was acknowledging that they weren't strangers, that they knew each other and they were family. She said it with hesitance, as if unsure she really wanted to reveal her acceptance of their situation. But it was intentional. She didn't say it by accident and it wasn't an old habit that resurfaced. She said his name and she wanted him to hear it. It made Daryl speechless, and he knew that this was another huge step. It was just a single word. Just a name. But damn, his name never sounded so good.

"Night, Beth."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

" _Take off your clothes. I ain't gunna tell you again."_

 _Her hands shook violently as she brought them up to the hem of her shit. There was no getting out of this, and she wasn't ready to die. She had a family to get back to. She kept her eyes down, peeled on the carpeted floor in front of her. Just because she was about to be violated and defiled, didn't mean she had to watch the look of enjoyment and lust on his face._

" _Now." She jumped at his voice, and then forced her arms to do what her mind was begging them not to. She lifted the dirty shit over her head and dropped her arms back to her sides, keeping hold of the t shirt in her right hand. She knew it wouldn't happen, but she wanted it as close as possible in case he changed his mind and told her to put it back on. Stupid, but she had nothing better to do right now than hope for the best._

" _Keep goin'." Shit. She forced her fingers to release, dropping her shirt to the floor. Slowly her hands reached behind her back, her fingers shaking so hard she could barely hold on. She struggled with her bra clasp, the once white garment now a dingy grey color. Her brain remained almost empty, the shock and trauma of the moment rendering her to a thoughtless state, lifelessly following commands._

 _After a few seconds of struggling with the hooks, she felt the tension give and the material slipped from her body, sliding down her arms and leaving her topless to his greedy eyes. She kept her blue eyes on the floor. The only thing she could control at the moment was her field of vision and she held onto it like a lifeline. At this point, it probably was. If she had to watch this excuse of a man run his eyes all over her naked skin, she would absolutely lose it and break down. So she kept her eyes on the carpet, trying to think about the different colors making up the generic office thread blend. She tried not to think about her bra and shirt lying on the carpet, the visual reminder of what was happening right now._

" _I didn't tell you to stop." She couldn't stop the whimper from leaving her lips. She knew it wouldn't help-_

"Hey."

Beth blinked her eyes rapidly, coming back to reality. The carpet seared into her brain had vanished, a darkened forest replacing it. She could make out Daryl's outline in front of her, and she pushed herself up to sit. She was getting more used to this, the transition from nightmare to Daryl. She knew he was getting used to it too. Her nightmares were getting shorter and shorter, being interrupted much earlier now that he was around. She knew he could see her sleeping, could see the distress she was unable to conceal while her memories tortured her. And every morning, she felt the urge to thank him.

But instead, she would nod at him and he would lie down, taking his turn to rest and leaving her to try to sort out the tangled mess he had left her brain. So much had changed. But it had all happened so smoothly, so seamlessly. She could barely detect a turning point. All she could identify was how much she was _okay_ being around him. She wouldn't use a stronger word than 'okay'. She wouldn't dare. She couldn't allow her mind to actively recognize that she enjoyed his presence, couldn't admit that she wanted him to stay with her. She refused to acknowledge it, even if she knew on some level it had happened.

She had worked too hard, spent too much time alone, to fall into the trap of becoming dependent upon another person. It was a dangerous, slippery slope that Beth wanted to avoid at all costs. And even though she stubbornly refused to let her mind think it, she knew she was in fact tumbling down that slope, squeezing her eyes shut the whole way down to pretend it wasn't happening.

And now, sitting awake while Daryl's breathing had become deep and even, she let herself actually think about what happened yesterday. She had chosen to stay with him. She did that. He didn't force her hand at all. In fact, he was giving her the perfect chance to put up a fight, to force distance between them and separate. And instead, she chose him. She chose them. Why?

Why, Beth? She tried to figure it out. It's not like she needed him. She had spent so much time alone, had thrived even. She didn't need him around to protect her or keep her alive. Not like before. It's not like they spent all day talking, so it couldn't be for his conversational skills. Why the heck did she decide to stay with this man who was changing everything?

Was that why? Was it _because_ things were changing, and that's what she really wanted? Was just change itself? As uncomfortable as she had felt initially, she had to admit things were better now. No matter how much she dug in her heels and resisted it, Daryl brought with him a force that couldn't be stopped. And now everything had changed, while very much staying the same. She was awake, she felt alive. The numbing haze she wrapped around herself like a blanket and let build, like a film over her eyes, was gone now. She could feel things again. Good or bad, she could think again. Or maybe she just had things to think about now other than pain and suffering.

Maybe that's why she chose to stay. He had changed so much, and now if she lost him, she wasn't sure how long it would take to go back. How hard it would be to bring back the numbness, or if she even wanted it back. Or maybe she chose to stay because this was Daryl. _Daryl._ And he had fought so hard to keep her by his side, that she knew he would never let her walk away that easily. He was the only person who would fight that hard for her. She had no idea why, but she was sure even Maggie would have given up on her by this point. No one would follow her around the woods and be content to barely speak, and yet still be able to change her like he had. Only Daryl. She didn't understand it, but she wasn't going to fight him anymore. She had stopped fighting a while ago.

And then last night, for whatever reason, his words broke though the last of her crumbling walls.

" _You're different. 'nd you changed. But not as much as ya keep tellin' yourself… No more than anyone else."_

Not as much as you keep telling yourself. No more than anyone else. Those words rang in her ears on repeat for what felt like hours after he spoke them. Over and over again until they started to blur together. And she looked down at her dirty hands, wondering if what he said was true. And even worse, she wanted to believe what he said was true. It had been so long since she had hoped for something, she had to resist the instant impulse to squish that hope down. Was it true? Was she really not as different as she thought? Was the dirt on her skin not also embedded on her soul? Could he really see through all her shit and know who she was underneath? Even better than she could?

Those words spun around inside her brain like a skipping record, spinning her head along with them. And dizzy with hope, such a light-headed feeling, she decided above anything else, she _wanted_ it to be true. So she gave it right back to him. One word. Five letters. A small gift infused with as much meaning as her fried brain could muster.

 _Daryl_.

She knew she hadn't said his name since they found each other. It was intentional. She wanted to keep space and distance. Remind him, and herself, that things were different and they didn't know each other anymore. But he called bullshit on her, and when the truth was revealed, somehow she was the one left surprised.

She looked over at him, asleep and vulnerable, and a feeling surged through her. It was strong and instinctive, filling her torso with resolve that hardened her bones and muscles. It gave her the unexpected impulse to move closer to him, to physically reach out and surround him.

Protection. She felt protective of him. She hadn't felt this since she held a small, drooling baby in her arms. Because she had never been able to protect even herself previously. But now, stronger and hardened, she wanted to protect him. She needed to protect him. There was no other option.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Daryl stole another glance at Beth, as he had been doing since they had hit the more populated area. Still within the cover of the trees, but the woods were far more sparse and the eerie feeling of desertion was beginning to seep in. She looked tense, but her face held the strange determination as it had all day. She looked so concentrated and so focused, it reminded him of a very different time. The first time he started teaching her to hunt and track, the way she looked when she held his crossbow. He wondered what she would look like if she held it now. Would she have the same look of excitement and determination she did before, or would she keep an indifferent attitude and aloofness? Not that it mattered much.

But seeing that look on her face, seeing so much life in her eyes, it made him wonder what the driving force was. Was she just trying to distract herself from what was coming? She knew they would be nearing neighborhoods today, entering at least a small sized town. It was obvious. And he had told her earlier that he wanted to look through any houses that didn't appear too picked over. She didn't really respond, just nodded her head and kept on walking beside him.

They had only passed one small trailer park that looked too bleak to even bother with. But he could see the neighborhood they were approaching and thought again about his decision. Maybe it was purely selfish, forcing her to become reacquainted with buildings for the sole purpose of getting her back to Alexandria, a place she had made clear she didn't want to be. But this was Beth. Her sister was back there. Judith was back there. The entire family she had pushed him not to give up on was back there. She belonged there with them, even if she couldn't see that right now.

He thought back to the first time he pushed her, forcing her to stay in the house and check out the kitchen while he went outside. He had given her privacy, freedom to take her time and sort through this alone. Going into this neighborhood was a larger scale, and he didn't want to let her out of his sights. But he knew that she needed to do this alone. She needed to take those steps without him there. She needed the freedom to discover how far she could extend the line and figure out how to be okay inside a house again, surrounded by walls again. He could only help her with that so much.

The small cluster of houses was slowly creeping closer and Daryl thought again about what he would say to her. Like before, he wasn't going to offer an option. Just present the idea and move forward with it. But with every step closer to that moment, his throat felt drier and his mind started to cloud with doubt. He just wanted to do the right thing. He just wanted to help fix the broken pieces.

There were five small houses, clustered together on the same side of the road. The first four were coupled in groups of two, each sharing a drive way, and the last house was larger. It was clearly a farm house, with a barn further out and land extending into the distance. The front doors were mostly hanging open, not looking too promising for finding much but that lessened the chance of walkers inside.

"Be quicker if we split up. Each take two then clear the last one together." His voice was rough from disuse, and he fought the desire to make the last statement a question. He looked over at her, and the hesitation was clear in her eyes. She was getting easier to read every day, that cold glare slipping. And today, it was like she wasn't even trying to keep him out. Seeing her rebuttal forming, he wanted to shut it down as soon as possible. He picked up his pace, almost approaching the first two homes and forcing her to speed up with him.

"Don't wanna be here too long. Just look for food and maybe a blanket or clothes. Gunna be gettin' colder soon." He moved to walk past the first pairing of houses, crossing the driveway in a few strides. He wasn't running away. Not at all.

"Daryl, I don't-"

"Meet me at the last house," he called over his shoulder, not slowing down or looking at her. He couldn't. He didn't know what her face would hold and he couldn't risk it breaking his resolve. This was important. And even though it nearly brought physical pain to walk away from her, he kept his feet moving fast and sure. The faster he cleared his two houses, the faster he would be meeting her at the last house. And maybe she wouldn't even go in those two houses. Maybe she would still be standing in the driveway, glaring at him as he disappeared into his first house. Whatever. All that mattered was she was getting a chance to take a few steps forward in her healing process. If she wanted to. And he had a strong feeling that underneath all her attitude, she wanted this.

And that's what he kept telling himself as he cleared his two houses, finding only an old can of tuna and a bunch of moldy blankets he left behind. An itching sensation broke out across his skin, like a million tiny bugs were crawling all over his body. It felt so wrong. Wrong to be separated from her. Wrong to not know her exact whereabouts. Wrong enough that Rick's warning started playing in his head again, a stupid repeating record that he thought he had finally gotten rid of.

 _Whatever it is you're looking for, don't let lost trying to find it._

He wasn't lost. Beth was here. It was all real. And just because he couldn't see her, didn't mean she was dead. He wasn't lost. He tried to replace Rick's words with his own mantra as he made his way over to the last house. She was here. She had to be. His hand fisted around the handle of her knife, gripping it tightly and fighting the urge to scour her two houses, just to make sure she was real.

He leaned against the side of the house, and from his position he could only partially make out her cluster of homes. He knew that he had sped through his scavenging, eager to finish and get back to her. It wasn't odd that she was taking longer than him, especially since she probably had to force herself to just go inside period. And the fact that she wasn't already waiting for him here or standing in the driveway where he left her was a good sign. He just had to be patient. Give her the time and privacy to sort through her shit. That was the whole point of this thing.

So he couldn't interrupt. He would wait here, letting the imaginary bugs eat him alive, if it meant she was getting better.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed. Whether it was 5 minutes or an hour, it would always feel too long. He had no concept of exactly how long he had been standing there waiting when he heard the gunshots.

XXXXXXXX

She stood there, watching the angel wings grow smaller and suppressing the urge to call out to him. This felt wrong. It felt so wrong. Dread filled the pit of her stomach and sat heavy like a boulder. She looked at the houses she was expected to clear and scavenge, and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Everything was wrong right now.

She was about to go into a building willingly, be surrounded by walls, and Daryl was walking away from her. She was about to put herself in a position where she could be trapped. She hated everything about this. And the feeling she got watching him leave turned her stomach. Letting him just walk away went against every instinct that, not only did she fail to realize she had, but she had fought so hard against forming. The instinct to stay close to him, to rely on him.

 _Can't depend on anybody for anything, right?_

Those words, from what felt like another lifetime, rang in her ears. God, she was stupid. Mixed up and confused and standing here like an idiot about to be walker bait if she couldn't get her shit together. It's not a big deal. It's just a house. You lived in one for the majority of your life for goodness sake. She gave herself a mental pep talk and forced her legs to move. The sooner she got through this, the sooner she could be back with Daryl again. And she wasn't even going to consider why that thought was so appealing.

The front door was already open, so she stood just outside and banged on the frame a couple times. When nothing but silence greeted her, no growling or moaning, she walked over the threshold and into the small living room. A few objects where thrown about, but it was in a pretty standard condition for a home nowadays. With nothing appearing out of the ordinary, she fought against her mind. Every step she took forward, her mind pleaded with her to run as fast as she could, out the door and back to the woods. But she gritted her teeth, and moved closer to the kitchen, gripping her knife a little tighter.

The set up seemed pretty straight forward, bedrooms down the hall to the left and the kitchen and dining room to the right. Get in and out, she told herself. Kitchen first. Food was a bigger priority. Coming into the picked-through kitchen, she could see the dining room through the door way and quickly decided it was too far from the exit of the house to be worth inspected. And who kept food in the dining room anyways? The pantry closet that separated the rooms would be worth a look, but she was already feeling the slight shake of her hands. She had to make this quick and efficient.

Slipping her knife into the sheath, she started opening cabinets and trying not to think about how quickly her breaths were starting to come. She could feel the panic starting to swell, and froze her body. Closing her eyes and letting her hands rest on the cabinet knobs, she took a deep breath.

A creaky floorboard to her right forced her body into action. She spun around, grabbing her knife and narrowing her eyes. Three men. Fuck. Why was it always three men? Just like last time. She watched them enter the kitchen from the dining room slowly, the first and closest man pointing a gun at her chest. She started taking inventory. They looked cocky, smirking at her choice of weapon. Dirty clothes and faces, slightly sunken eyes. Surviving but not well. Especially if they were holed up in a house and didn't bother to close the front door. They filled the small kitchen with their presence, even if two lingered in the dining room doorway.

Cocky. These guys were cocky, thought they were in control, and were already underestimating her. She had no idea if they knew her gender, but she couldn't risk thinking about that right now and what it could mean if they found out she was female. She refused to be a victim again. The armed one flicked his wrist at her, a clear indication to put the knife down. She complied, feeding their egos and letting them continue with the assumption that she was helpless.

Sticking her knife back in its sleeve on her hip, she slowly raised her hands, adding a slight shake on purpose. She could feel the adrenaline surging through her body, keeping her fear and panic at bay. They thought she was weak, she would play the part. Whatever she had to do to get away. The silence lingered as they evaluated her, only breaking it when they seemed pleased with their assumptions.

"Kitchen's empty kid. Get outta here." Alright, she could handle this. They didn't seem like they wanted any trouble. She nodded and started to move towards the living room, keeping her back against the wall and her eyes on them. She took slow and steady steps, careful not to make any sudden movements or provoke them. When she was finally standing in the doorway of the kitchen, right before turning to leave, it happened. The second her back was turned, she heard their mutterings and knew something was wrong. They weren't gunna let her walk away that easily. It was never that easy.

The man closest to her reached out and grabbed her right arm, pulling her back into the kitchen. And she reacted instantly, without thought for consequence. Her left, free hand grabbed her knife and she spun around, slicing across his throat. Blood squirted out, splattering on the parts of her face unprotected by her hat. But she didn't feel it, didn't notice. She second her right arm was free from his grip, she reached behind her back and pulled out the stolen gun. She shot the other two men dead before they had even taken a full step. Three bodies littered the room, slowly turning the dirty kitchen floor a deep crimson. She moved to each body, plunging her knife into their skulls, cleaning the blade on their clothing and sheathing her knife.

Her body was moving on auto pilot, not a single thought firing in her brain. It wasn't until she bent to pick up the first man's gun that she was thrust into a different place. A different room. With different dead men lying on the floor and blood pooling around their bodies. This floor was carpeted. She would never forget that carpet. Fuck how was she back here? Her body froze mid reach when she recognized her new surroundings, and her breathing picked up double time. Her heart was pounding in her chest, begging to break free from her rib cage.

"Beth!" Marcus was shouting her name. How could he be shouting her name? He was dead. She killed him. She killed them all. She watched in frozen horror as his eyes opened and his body twitched.

"Beth!" It was louder this time, and he started moving closer. Was he a walker? Walkers couldn't talk. Maybe they could. She never thought dead people would be chomping at her, but now they were. Maybe he was a walker. She needed to stab him in brain. Didn't she already do that? She couldn't remember. Everything was getting hazy, except Marcus. Slowing moving closer. Why couldn't she move? Was this a nightmare? It had to be. Why wasn't Daryl waking her up? Daryl. Where the hell was Daryl? She wanted to yell for him, but she couldn't move. She couldn't find the air to breathe his name or the strength to move her lips. There was only Marcus and his slow approach.

"Beth!" So loud. Two hands grabbed her shoulders, yanking her up and breaking her free from the frozen state. She yelled, screamed and tried to scramble backwards, but the hands only grabbed her tighter.

"Fuck! Beth! Are you alright? Tha fuck happened?!" His voice. Rough and panicked. Not Marcus. It was him. She stopped struggling and blinked her eyes rapidly. The haze cleared and she was back in the kitchen, lost in blue. It always came back to his blue, stormy eyes. She exhaled, and fought the urge to fall into him. There was a stronger, more demanding need. Every single cell in her body was shouting its urgency. And this time, she was going to listen. _Run_.

"We gotta go. Daryl, we gotta go!"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It all felt too familiar, sprinting through the woods with Beth. Her words echoing the same ones he spoke the last time they saw the prison. Always running. When he found her in the house after hearing the gunshots, all he wanted was to see her alive. Finding her frozen, kneeling around 3 dead bodies, was a relief until he saw her face. Pale and so drained of any color that her skin was almost translucent, she wasn't there. And he was terrified her had lost her for good this time, pushing her so hard, he couldn't see he was only pushing her further into her own darkness.

He would have stood there, holding onto her and mentally begging her to come back until every walker in the area surrounded the house if she didn't speak. The gunshots. The noise. The more populated area they were heading towards. The possible herd now heading their way. He threw Beth's body ahead of his towards the door and they took off. Running again.

They ran deeper into the forest, right back to where she had wanted to stay. They ran until their legs could no longer carry them and their chests were heaving with the effort of sucking air into their exhausted lungs. They both fell to their knees, focusing on pulling in the air they so desperately needed. Daryl kept glancing around, looking for any signs of walkers he couldn't hear over the sound of his frantic heartbeat. They both stayed there, kneeling on the forest floor and waiting for their breathing to even out.

It took some time, but eventually his breaths slowed. He kept his eyes alert, darting around the woods. Thinking now, he realized how few walkers they had stumbled upon in this area. It made him curious as to how long Beth was out in these woods, just within reach, and how many of those walkers she had killed in that time. He looked over at her and realized her breathing was still just as labored as it had been when they first dropped here. It hadn't slowed, her body hadn't relaxed, and she was still clutching the gun in her hand with a death grip. She was staring at her fingers wrapped around that gun like it was the most revolting and shocking thing she had ever seen, and Daryl knew her breathing wasn't frantic from the sprint through the forest.

He pushed himself over to her, his legs putting up a strong resistance for any type of movement. His body was shaking slightly, and he couldn't tell if it was from the extreme physical exertion or nervousness to approach her. He scooted until he was right in front of her, eye level with just a couple inches separating their knees from touching.

"Beth… You wanna give me tha gun?" His voice was ragged, his throat raw from ripping so much oxygen through it. Still, he tried to make it as gentle as possible. But she didn't hear him. She was gone again. Lost in her own demons and everything was closer to the surface than he had ever seen. Instead of the cold, blank stare that normally filled her eyes when she was getting lost, he could read everything so clearly. Pain. Fear. Panic. Desperation. It made his chest feel hollow and he was scared for whatever would come next.

"Girl, gotta let go," he spoke quietly and reached over slowly. The second his hand touched hers, her eyes snapped up to meet his. His fingers could feel the tension in her hand, how tightly she was holding on. He knew it had to be painful, to be clenching every single muscle that hard. Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he brought his other hand up as well. Slowly, he tried to unwrap her fingers. Trying to express as much reassurances as he could with his eyes, he kept his hands gentle and slow.

He felt the moment she released the tension. Her eyes squeezed shut and she exhaled hard, her hand going limp in his and the gun sliding from her fingers. He looked down at the gun, taking it in both his hands before moving to tuck it into the front of his pants. But then her words hit him, froze him before he had even lifted the hem of his shirt.

"They took me." His eyes snapped back up to hers, finding her already staring at him. Her words were as rushed and as labored as her ragged breathing.

"They took me. After I got out of Grady. I had to stay there for a while. Recover. When I left, I went to Richmond. To Noah's family. Never made it. They took me. I fucking trusted him, wanted to help him. And he led me back to them. Tied me up in the office they were holed up in. Waiting for the rest of their friends to get back before wanting to take me to their leader. The things they did. The things they tried to do-" She was still panting, still holding his eyes. Daryl wanted to look away, to cover his ears, to place his hand over her mouth to stop it. He didn't want to know. He felt sick, rage and hatred turning his stomach violently and bubbling up his throat. His muscles were tensing, clenching uncontrollably, and the instinct to move was nearly impossible to fight. He want to fucking rip them apart, limb by limb.

This is what he was waiting for, and now that it was happening he wished he never asked for it. But her eyes had him paralyzed, rooted him in place. And he needed to know because she needed to tell him. There was no want. Only need. And it forced the words from her lips. Forced him to push his own anger and self-hatred down so he could let her finish.

"They took something from me and they changed me. They ruined me. So I killed them, just like those men back in that house. I killed them and I liked it! Daryl, I liked it!" Her voice was hysterical and she was nearly shouting now. And the more she talked, the more tears started to building up in her eyes, but her breathing began to slow and even out slightly.

"You wanted to know why I can't go back? Why I'm running from my family? That's why. I'm a killer now. That's what they did to me. Back in that house, that guy barely touched me. Didn't say what he wanted. Could have been innocent, a good person. But I didn't give him a chance. The second he grabbed my arm, I killed them all. I ain't a good person. I ain't the person my family wants back. Can you imagine what my daddy would say? What he would think of me, knowing I'm killin' people for just touchin' me?! And that I like doin' it?!" Tears spilled over her pain-filled eyes, Daryl had to stop it. He finished tucking the gun into this waistband and opened his arms for her. He felt the anger simmering below the surface, but he had to push it back. Watching her fall apart, she needed comfort. And he would try his best do that, even if he felt way out of his element.

"Come're," he muttered softly, gently pulling her into his embrace. He could feel her wet cheek brush the side of his neck before she tried to hide her face in his chest, effectively pushing her hat off her head. Her arms were wrapped around his waist, and she was practically sitting on his lap.

"If you liked it so much, ya wouldn't be cryin'." Her only response was a small tightening in her arms, holding him closer for a second. "We all got blood on our hands by now. Only matters if you make it matter."

"It ain't that simple," she mumbled back, her voice much calmer than it had been.

"Would be if ya quit complicatin' shit."

"I ain't complicatin' it. It's already complicated. Killin' people ain't suppose ta be easy."

"Never said it's easy. But it is simple. 's you or them." She was quiet for a while before her next words brought all his anger back to the front of his mind, effectively blocking out all rational thoughts.

"You don't get it." The words had every muscle in his body tensed and ready to spring. He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away, her eyes startled by the sudden movement.

"I don't fucking get it?" He pushed to his feet and was pacing back and forth in front of her. "What don't I get, Greene?"

"Daryl…" Her voice was hesitant, and this all felt too familiar. But anger clouded over everything. Misdirected or not, Beth was the only target.

"Nah, tell me what I don't get. Be sure to explain it real fuckin' slow, cause us rednecks are just too fuckin' stupid to understand anythin', right? I don't know what it's like to kill someone? We both know that ain't true. Or maybe it's that a lowlife asshole like me is supposed to be a killer, but doe-eyed, farmer's daughters ain't supposed to get their hands dirty? That it, Greene? Well, ya said ya wanted to change. What's the matter? Ain't all it's cracked up ta be?" He could see the anger building in her eyes. He knew this was a dangerous game he was playing. That she had been through enough shit today. But he couldn't stop pushing. Push it past the breaking point, until it was broken beyond repair. That was the Dixon way.

"Stop, you know that ain't-"

"Then tell me, Greene. What don't I get?" He bent down, making his eyes level with hers, making it a clear challenge. And she wasn't one to resist a challenge. He saw her eyes blaze and erupt, the restraint in her snapping and her anguish from minutes ago turning into her own fury. She pushed off the ground, getting to her feet and pushing into his personal space, toe to toe and face to face.

"You don't get what it's like to feel dead, Daryl! To hold onto that numbness 'cause it's the only way you can live with that you've done!"

"You don't know shit 'bout what I've had to hold onto." Her body, limp and lifeless, was all he could picture.

"You haven't woken up one day and had no fucking clue who the hell you are! Not even recognizin' your own damn reflection. No idea how shit got so fucked up. How _you_ got so fucked up. And you were all just gone!" Her tone held no accusation, but Daryl felt it all the same. Defensive to his last breath, he snapped right back.

"Cause you were fuckin' dead, Beth! You-"

"That's my point!" Her voice was raised more than he had ever remembered hearing. Louder than outside the moonshine shack. Louder than her cries when the prison was attacked. Loud enough that he finally heard her, and realized he didn't have a fucking clue what she was actually talking about. Conviction and strength from her voice echoed in the now silent forest, and he quickly realized how close their faces had gotten while screaming. He took a step back and shifted his weight back and forth, watching the anger in her eyes grow into resignation. And when she spoke again, her voice was tired. Exhausted.

"I don't know how to explain it to you. But so much has changed since the prison. Since we got out. Or maybe it just feels that way because so much has happened. So much bad. It's all been bad. Ever since that car showed up and they took me…." Her voice trailed off and she dropped her head, shaking it slightly. When she looked up again, the same tiredness shown in her eyes. But this tired was one that Daryl could recognize, he could see the pain it was masking, the pain that was seeping out under the edges.

"And I've been walkin' around, doin' anything to avoid thinkin'. Just tryin' to pretend I was actually dead cause that was easier than figurin' this shit out. Wasn't much difference between me and them walkers. An' then you found me and it's like I'm awake for the first time since everything happened. And now I have to deal with all the shit I was avoidin'. So no, Daryl. You don't get it. There ain't no way you could. Cause I don't even get it. I'm not sure you know what it's like to be this confused about everythin'. But I'm just tryin' to figure out how I killed 3 men without even trying. Or thinking about it. I just did it. Easy as breathing. And then I was back in that room with that _fucking_ carpet and I…" Her voice trailed off again and with it went the rest of Daryl's anger.

He wanted to reach out to her, comfort her. Even took the first step towards her before halting and stepping back. Her eyes were too open, the conversation too honest, and the left over energy swirling between them felt suffocating. He shifted his weight and nodded at her, trying to express without words that he understood, that they were okay. He could tell she expected him to say something, but he had no idea what. Too much had just happened. His brain was overloaded, and he felt his flight instinct becoming harder to resist.

He glanced around them quickly before meeting her eyes again. The expectation in her eyes was fading, and all he wanted was to escape her gaze. There was too much he needed to deal with and think about, and he couldn't do that under her watchful eyes. Crazy how hours ago he was itching to run to her, and now he couldn't stand to be near her.

"Gunna go hunt, I'll be back." She nodded and he turned to go, only making it a few steps and feeling her eyes burning holes in his back the whole way before he turned. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but he needed to know. And he knew her eyes were too honest at the moment to give him anything but a straight answer.

"You ain't runnin' again." He intended to ask, but it almost came out as an order instead. He wasn't sure he hid all the desperation from his voice. But her eyes remained clear and open as she shook her head.

"No. I won't run from you again." Her words were sealed with a promise, and he intended on making sure she kept this one. He nodded and turned, continuing into the woods and disappearing into the trees.

What the hell had just happened?

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sun was almost completely gone, and he still wasn't back yet. She sat in front of her small fire in the little part of the forest she had cleared. She hugged her knees into her chest, and tried again to fight the urge to go after him. It had been hours since he left. And without the sun, she knew he would be impossible to track. Her window was closing quickly, and soon it would be gone.

She kept telling herself that he would be back. That he could take care of himself, and he didn't need her to run after him. If anything, he would probably be even more pissed if she stumbled upon him when he wasn't expecting her to. Or if he came back and she wasn't there. He would be furious, thinking she ran again. That was the only thing that kept her here, when her thoughts were miles and miles away, imagining the possible herd those gunshots created or if those men she killed had any friends that were hunting them now.

No. Daryl needed her to stay here and he would be back. Light or dark. It didn't matter. He would find his way back. And when he did, she would be here waiting for him. Like she promised.

She looked down at her black baseball cap. It sat on the floor next to her. She moved it when she was clearing their small camp, but when she picked it up, she decided not to put it on again. She placed it back on the ground, choosing to ignore the item while she finished clearing the branches and making a fire. When she ran out of distractions, she sat next to the offending item as if they were longtime friends. She figured by this point they were. She loved that hat. Worn it every day since she found it. But now she wasn't quite so sure what it represented, whether she loved the hat or the protection she felt it provided. Was it actually protection, or just concealment? Was there even a difference?

Everything felt suspicious. She had been forced to see a new perspective on her life, and now it seemed she felt the need to examine and turn over every stone she had built her beliefs on. She couldn't help it. She began questioning everything. It was a slow storm that started when those blue eyes broken open every door in her mind. Now it was raging out of control. High speed winds blowing pieces of herself all over, shifting the dynamic and forcing her to grow to accommodate their new dimensions. Torrential downpours of clean summer rain were washing away all the bullshit, causing flash floods to permanently remove the lies and leave only the truth behind. Rooted firmly in place as it had been all along.

And it was becoming startlingly apparent that she had no idea what the truth was anymore. No idea _who_ she was anymore. All these identifiers and characteristics she had labeled herself with, none of them seemed to entirely fit her anymore. And the person she thought she had left behind was resurfacing unexpectedly but so naturally, she had difficulty noticing it until long afterwards.

She was so lost, staring at this hat, that she didn't hear the footsteps until much later than she should have. She looked towards them, grabbing the hat and throwing it on without thinking. She didn't take the time to hide her hair underneath, just slipped it on over her dirty tresses and narrowed her eyes towards the sound. It was noticeably darker than it had been, and she wondered how long she had been just sitting there, staring at a hat for.

She knew it was Daryl from the sound of his footsteps, but she didn't feel the relief flood her until he cleared the trees and she could make him out. No blood. No bites. No scratches. Just a couple squirrels hanging from his belt. Again, she wondered how she got to this point. That she worried on such a strong level while he was gone, and felt the urge to smile and laugh when he got back. Taking him in, she realized he looked almost guilty with his hesitance to meet her eyes and the cautious way he approached. She understood why, but it wasn't necessary. She tried to put him at ease.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you got lost out there, Mr. Dixon." The old nickname fell from her lips effortlessly, and while it took her by surprise, it too felt natural. Comfortable. And watching his eyes fly to her face with disbelief was worth it. She smirked at him, trying to convey with her eyes that they were okay. That she was okay. And she could tell the message was received when the corners of his mouth turned slightly before he dropped his head again.

"Been a long ass time since I been lost in the woods, girl." He sat down near her, close to the fire which was quickly becoming their only source of light. Pulling out his knife, he started working on the squirrels and a comfortable silence settled around them. The air felt lighter between them, the honesty from earlier still lingered. It loosened her tongue and convinced her it was safe to talk without the bitter taste of anger and hurt lacing their words.

"Thank you-"

"Don't." He cut her off immediately. His tone wasn't harsh. It was almost pleading, like he couldn't stand to hear it. So she relented, figuring they had both pushed each other enough for one day. She waited a few moments before trying again, jumping right into something that had been floating in and out of her thoughts all day.

"Where did ya wanna go?"

"Huh?"

"Before. You said you had somewhere you wanted to go. Not Alexandria." She watched him freeze, halting his skinning for a second before picking up again. He wouldn't meet her eyes, but she knew he could feel her watching him. When she was answered with nothing but silence for a few minutes, she tried again.

"We still headin' there?"

"No." His voice was final and his response immediate.

"Why not?" She was going to get an answer out of him. One way or another.

"Tha fuck. This twenty questions or sumthin'? We ain't goin. Ain't worth it." His voice held no real bite and the air around them was still easy.

"Well, I think I'll be the judge of that. Where did ya wanna go?" Repeating her question from earlier with a firmer voice, she wanted him to know that she wasn't going to let him off the hook. An exasperated sigh left him before he finally met her eyes. He stared at her hard, sizing up her resolve on this through annoyed eyes. Shaking his head at what he found, he dropped his gaze back to the squirrels and continued working on their dinner.

"Huntin' store." Well that was unexpected, but not surprising. It made sense. Why wouldn't he want to tell her that?

"For more arrows?"

"Nah." She waited. Something in his voice told her to. And it took a couple minutes, but eventually her patience was rewarded. "Wanted ta find a hammock."

"A hammock?" _What?_

"Mhm."

"You were ready to risk stumblin' into a herd, for a hammock?" Her voice was obviously doubtful.

"'S what I said, ain't it?" He snapped back, meeting her eyes quickly before looking away again. His body was slightly hunched over, and he was acting strangely, like he was hiding something. This definitely wasn't about a hammock. Daryl never cared about amenities or comfortability before. And he was also stubborn, so if he really wanted something, he wouldn't let it go after this one set back.

This was a puzzle, one that Beth's instincts told her she needed to figure out. She stared at him, trying to figure out what was important to him, what he actually cared about. Daryl never gave any inclination towards material items. Didn't care about his clothes or hygiene. Wouldn't shower unless he was forced to, and would let his clothes fall apart if someone else didn't steal and mend them. The only 'things' he cared about were his crossbow, his vest, and his bike. His bow was here, and he didn't take the bait when she asked about arrows. His vest was on his back, dirty and worse for the wear, but he never took the thing off so what else could be expected? And his bike, well that was lost with the prison. If he had a new one, it would probably be back at Alexandria and he said that wasn't where they were going. If he was looking for a new bike, why wouldn't he just tell her that?

It's not like she would care, right? The thought made her chest tighten a bit, and then she realized what having a bike would mean. Sticking to roads. Can't really ride a bike in the middle of the woods, and that's where he knew Beth wanted to be.

"You got another bike?" The question was out before she decided to ask, the need to solve this puzzle pushing her forward. He raised his head, his brow furrowed and eyes suspicious of her.

"Yeah, back in Alexandria. Why?" She shook her head in response and turned her gaze towards the fire. So a bike was off the table and she could breathe a little easier. Those were the only things he cared about, other than their family. His loyalty for people was always first and foremost, no matter how much of a lone wolf act he put on. And all he wanted to do was get them both back to their family. He hadn't mentioned it since they left Alexandria, but she wasn't stupid. She knew he still wanted to get her back there, was probably just waiting her out. She also knew that he had to be aware of all the reasons that she couldn't go back there. He saw her that day, outside the perimeter. She couldn't even go near those walls…

The walls. She sucked in a sudden breath as everything fell into place. He knew she couldn't be inside buildings, inside houses, inside those walls. It wasn't about finding a hammock. It wasn't about finding anything. He was trying to get her back around buildings, comfortable going inside places. He wasn't chasing after an item, he was just playing the long game with her. He was trying to put her back together so she would be willing to go back, maybe without even noticing what he had done.

She looked over at him. Her chest tightened as she realized how much he was trying to heal her, and how much he had been succeeding. It was just like the small conversations he started with her, sharing mindless chatter over the fire until she could talk to him freely. Easing her into situations and giving her the smallest of pushes so that he could feign innocence afterwards. How could he still know her so well, after all the time they spent apart? He still cared. He knew her, knew what she did, had seen all of her ugly. And he still fucking cared, cared from the first second he found her. Refused to give up on her. Never once looked at her with disgust or disappointment. How was that even possible? And how was she not able to see what was so obvious until now?

"Already talked 'bout how starin' is rude, Greene." She laughed. She actually laughed. And she didn't force it or try to fight it. She just laughed. For the first time in a long time. And it caught her off guard, but felt so good that she laughed again. Laughed at how fast his head snapped up at the sound, and how he stared at her almost dumbfounded. The sound was small and soft, like the smile that lingered on her face after.

"Dixon, someone was just tellin' me bout starin' and how its rude," she teased, breaking him from whatever thoughts had him frozen in place. His face lowered immediately and went back to the task at hand while she basked in the warmth. Warmth from the fire. Warmth from her realization. She looked down at her hands, dropping her knees to sit cross-legged and fumbling with her fingers in her lap. They were so dirty. She wondered for the first time in a long time what it would be like to wash them.

It wasn't for another hour, after the squirrel had been cooked and consumed, that she decided to speak again.

"I know what you're doin'." She was looking down at her hands again, shiny with the lingering grease residue from dinner. Daryl was sitting in the same spot as before, cleaning his knife with the small red rag from his back pocket.

"Observant," he muttered sarcastically.

"No, not that," she replied, nodding towards the rag in his hands. "I mean with… the whole _hammock_ thing." She gave him a meaningful look before dropping her eyes again. She could feel his stillness beside her, his eyes on her face, and knew he was hanging on her words. Maybe waiting to be scolded or for her to yell at him.

"I know what you're doin'," she repeated again. "And it's workin'." She raised her eyes to meet his and held his stare.

She held his stare for a while.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

He sat against his selected tree, listening to the sounds of the woods but not really hearing them. Looking at her knife in his hands, turning it over without really seeing it. His body was functioning on auto-pilot, moving through the motions without a captain to give directions. His brain was so lost. Still trying to process everything that had happened. And he felt oddly numb, unsure which emotion to focus on and therefore unable to feel much of anything.

His anger had faded, only after stomping through the woods and letting the rage take over. _The things they did. The things they tried to do._ Those words played on repeat for what felt like hours. He knew what it meant. What they had taken from her. And that was all he could see. Her tied up, getting fucking raped, crying and screaming and helpless. And he let it consume him where she didn't have to watch it destroy him. He mutilated the walkers he came across, beating them with his bare hands until he was exhausted before finally killing them.

Only when he had exhausted himself physically was his rage replaced with self-loathing. Because this was all his fault. Everything that happened to her, and that was still happening to her inside her mind, all because of his stupidity. He never should have opened that door. Never should have opened the damn door. All over a stupid fucking mutt. He wallowed for a while, realized how low the sun was, and promptly killed a few squirrels so he didn't go back empty handed.

And then she shocked him again. Calling him out on his idiotic plan to help her that only ended up hurting her more. She knew. Fuck, she knew everything he was trying to do. How stupid could he honestly be? Thinking that she wouldn't pick up on it. And then she pulled out the ultimate surprise. _I know what you're doin' and its workin'._ It's workin? _It's workin._ Those words floated in and out of his mind constantly. And he wanted to believe them. With every cell of his body, he wanted to believe he was actually helping her on some level.

But he was just an asshole that pushed and pushed and caused her to break. Made her relive all that shit and then yelled at her. And then disappeared. What a fucking winner he was. He needed to get her back, and now. She needed to be near Maggie, near her family. Near people who could actually help her get through this. Clearly he was way out of his league. And he should have known that, before ever promising to himself that he would help her.

Because now, here he sat. Like a useless lump in the world, too confused to even settle on an emotion. Thoughts floating in and out of his brain, replaying various parts of their conversations while he just turned her knife over and over in his hands. His master plan had failed. There was no way in hell he was bringing her near another building anytime soon, and definitely not letting her go into any alone. Yeah, she had been fine and killed those pricks. But at what cost to her sanity? She broke down, revealed everything she didn't want to, and he had to live with it all. Revealed how fucking lost and confused she was. No, he wasn't going to do that again. He wasn't going to push anymore. He just wanted her back in Alexandria, but how was he going to do that without pushing?

She seemed better now. She laughed. God, she laughed and smiled and it was like the sun making an appearance in the middle of the darkest night. Her eyes held so much life in them. Gone was the pain and fear and exhaustion that always seemed to linger. No ice in her baby blues, just crystal clear contentment. And he wished for nothing more than to see that fucking smile every second of every day, because it made him feel like maybe everything could be okay. And sometimes, just thinking about it, it all became too much. Because Beth Greene was back from the dead, laughing in his face and teasing him and he could barely remember how to breathe.

For someone who had been operating on a steady level of control and calm, her mood swings yesterday gave him zero indication of what to do next. Where to go next. And the longer he sat here, fumbling with her knife, the less answers he had.

Her voice broke through the white noise surrounding him, and he looked at her, noticing how labored her breathing was. She was mumbling, something that sounded roughly like his name, and he pushed to his feet, ready to wake her from tonight's nightmare.

"Daryl!" Her voice held too much pain, a mix between a gasp and sob, and he moved fast, unsure whether she was still sleeping or already awake. He grabbed her shoulder and shook hard, noticing the water tracks down her cheeks. Not once had he woken her from tears.

"Beth, wake up." He shook harder.

"Daryl!" Her voice was loud and desperate, her eyes flying open and unfocused. She sucked in air and blinked rapidly before her gaze acknowledged him. And then she launched herself at him, forcing him to sit back while her hands grabbed at him everywhere.

"Oh my god, you're okay. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Daryl, your chest. You were shot. I shot you. You're not shot. Oh, thank God. You're not shot. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't." Her nonsensical words continued in a flurry, as frenzied as her hands which were making a circuit: grabbing his face, holding his shoulders, pressing against his chest and searching his torso, then back to his face. Over and over they travelled. Until he snapped out of it and grabbed her hands, pulling them from his face and holding them between their bodies.

"Girl, calm down. I'm fine. Just a dream 's all." She nodded her head fast and hard, tears still spilling over her cheeks, and she wasn't convincing in the least. "Breathe," he ordered and she exhaled hard, squeezing her eyes shut. Keeping them closed, she took a couple deep breaths and then slipped her hands from his and scooched back, shaking her head.

"Sorry I freaked out. Get some rest. I'll be fine," she said as she opened her eyes. She kept her head down and curled into herself, refusing to look at him. It was like she was embarrassed or something, but he didn't get why. He had woken her up from a nightmare pretty much every night. Why would she get embarrassed now? He sat back and kept his eyes on her for a second longer.

"You good?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Her words were rushed, and it was clear she wanted some space, to sweep the whole thing under the rug. He moved away from her, back to where his bow and her knife were left forgotten on the floor. He laid down and closed his eyes and begged for his mind to turn off. For once, just turn off.

XXX

The sun was just breaking through the horizon, casting a warm, soft glow to the forest. This was always her favorite part of the day. Even when she was wandering the through the woods empty and numb. She would wake up from another nightmare and lie awake, waiting for this very moment. There was always such a calm air surrounding her. The start of another day, the beginning of something new and undiscovered. This was the only part of her day where it felt like her demons couldn't find her. Maybe watching the sun literally chase away the darkness held a literal transition for her mentally. Either way, watching light filter through and grow stronger brought with it a calmness, allowing her mind to stop running and approach resolutions.

Dawn was here, and Daryl would be waking up soon. She looked over at him, as she had multiple times during the night. Checking to make sure he was still there and her horrid dream was just that. A dream. Every time her eyes fell on his sleeping form, the panic vanished. He was fine. He probably always would be. The guy was a fucking rock, and she didn't think anything could ever shake him. Even at his broken moments, he was still strong and holding himself up. Sophia. Merle. The prison. He still managed to hold on. He didn't lose himself, at least not too much. She couldn't help but feel envious and wonder at how he managed to do so.

She knew change was coming. She could feel it, the big climax they were heading towards. Or maybe it was just her. She couldn't imagine Daryl changing much ever. But she could taste it in the air, bittersweet and nauseating. The anticipation of the unknown kept her stomach feeling full and heavy, like it was filled with dread. Every big change thus far had been tragic and forced upon her. The whole turn with the start of this virus. The farm falling. The prison falling. Grady. Leaving Grady and then getting taken. Quite frankly, she was afraid to willingly subject herself to change when all her past experiences with it had been so shitty.

But she knew deep down, this change was different. And it was only something she could postpone, not avoid entirely. Eventually, Daryl would get her back to Alexandria. And maybe it was the calm morning air, but she found herself not hating the idea. What she hated more, was that her only other option would be to run from Daryl, try to lose him. And she made a promise. No more running. Not from him. And he needed to go back to Alexandria. So it was either lose him, or accept that this change was coming.

She looked at him again. She thought of how she felt last night, trapped in her mind and watching him bleed out. Watching him die, at her own hands. She knew that dream meant something, symbolized something bigger. She could feel it. But she didn't want to analyze it right now, being content to clump it with the rest of what she was feeling. Anticipation of the impending change. And looking at him, she knew there was never a choice to make. She would never run from him again.

His eyes opened, and he went from being asleep to awake in a single second, a strange talent of his. He sat up, barely stifling a small groan and stretching his muscles before sliding his bow on his back. He met her eyes before turning and walking away. Their morning routine. And before long, he was back within her sights, looking slightly more awake.

When his eyes met hers for the second time, they filled with confusion. It wasn't hard to figure out why. Normally she would have been up herself, peed and returned, barely waiting long enough for them to be in the same proximity before heading off in whichever direction she deemed suitable for the day. They never hung around. So when he walked back to their small camp and she was still sitting in the same place he left her, she guessed his confusion was warranted.

But she wasn't ready to leave this place yet. She knew they wouldn't stay the whole day. She wanted more distance between them and the small town they had been heading towards before the shit had hit the fan. But, for now, she saw no reason to move. Was in no hurry to run. And it was the first time in a long time, like most things she was feeling nowadays, so she decided to embrace it without questioning it too hard. All she knew for sure was that she and Daryl had shared pieces of themselves here, and it didn't quite feel finished.

But the question in his eyes was obvious so she merely shrugged in return. She didn't really have an answer beyond that.

"We ain't leavin'?"

"Well I figured the view was so nice we would stick around for a bit. Why? You got somewhere you need ta be?" She teased him lightly, something else that felt familiar and natural. Something that she didn't have to think about and didn't want to think about. The confusion left his eyes, replaced with humor that he tried to fight from showing too much.

"Nah. Just used to you runnin' in the mornin' like you're escapin' a one-night stand. Don't normally stick around for breakfast." He smirked at her when she ducked her head at his words. She didn't know why but she felt herself blushing. Which was ridiculous. She wasn't a kid. She could handle talking about sex with Daryl Dixon. Or at least handle innuendos about it.

"I dunno. Guess this time it felt special," she spoke the words softer, without any hint of sarcasm, and it was Daryl's turn to look away. She smiled, a little cheeky and looked back towards the forest surrounding her.

"Whatever you say, Greene." He obviously took the conversation as an invitation to sit back down, and he did so a safe distance from her.

They fell into a comfortable silence, just enjoying the early morning calm. From the corner of her eye, she noticed him start to chew on his thumb. She knew that was his tell, that he was thinking hard or conflicted about something. But she said nothing, waiting to see if he would bring up whatever was on his mind. And when he didn't, she let it go. She was trying to hold onto this strange, collected attitude she had acquired. So they sat in silence, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts, until he broke it.

"This the first time you stopped since…" _since you were taken?_ She finished his sentence in her head, knowing he was unsure what to call what happened to her. Hell, he didn't even really know what happened to her. Just whatever sense he could make from the stream of word vomit that spewed from her mouth yesterday.

"Yeah." She tried to keep her voice even, trying to let him know it was okay. She could handle talking about it if he asked.

"Why?"

"If you stop somewhere too long, it starts to feel like a home. And that's just another thing someone can take from you." He was silent for a few minutes, taking in her words.

"So why we stopped here?" He tried to hide it, to keep it from his voice, but she heard it anyways. The smallest bit of hope, buried under attempted nonchalance and slight annoyance.

"Already told you," she said and smirked at him. "Just takin' in the view. Not pickin' out curtains or anythin'." He chuckled out a breath and shook his head at her. They both returned their gazes to the forest and he was quiet for a while before he spoke again.

"You know that ain't true, right? Stoppin' somewhere don't make it a home." He kept his eyes on the woods, refusing to meet her inquiring gaze. She, in turn, moved her eyes back to the trees, allowing some privacy between them.

"No?"

"Nah," he paused. "People do that." She grew very still. Not in discomfort, but rather letting his words consume her entire mind. Really letting them be absorbed and considered how true they were. How terrifying they were.

"That's even more dangerous."

"Hm?"

"Cause that's even more painful, when it gets taken away. If they get taken. Or if they _choose_ to leave."

"Like you?" Her eyes snapped back to him just in time to watch him cringe. Clearly he hadn't meant to say it, but it was out.

"Like me?" She repeated, inviting him to finish, explain the assumption. She tried to keep the challenge from her voice, but she knew she hadn't. Not entirely. And when he looked over at her, she just raised her eyebrows at him. She wasn't upset or angry with his question. She just wanted him to finish. She wanted the accusation out in the open.

"You're choosin' to leave. Right now." He didn't need to say anything else. She knew exactly what he meant. Knew he was right. And she wasn't going to waste either of their time with lies or denial. They were past that by now. And somehow, the conversation had just naturally brought itself to the big, scary change that was looming in the air.

"I know we're goin' back there. Eventually. Think I knew that's where this would end up the second I saw you again. On some level at least. Probably why I fought you so hard. I just… I don't think I'm ready. Not yet." He didn't respond, just kept his eyes trained on her. No judgement, just an invitation to continue.

"Daryl, they ain't seen me since the prison. You remember how it was back then? I was just Daddy's little girl and Judith's babysitter. They would barely let me work fence duty towards the end. I ain't even close to that girl anymore and that's who their expectin'."

"They ain't gunna give a shit, Beth. You're alive. That's all that matters."

"I don't know if I wanna go back. I don't know if it's worth it. Tryin' and workin' so hard to be around people again, be inside walls again, to be feelin' again. And then it'll all be ripped away. _Again._ Don't know if I wanna welcome all that pain."

"And this is better? Wandering the woods like a fuckin' walker?" His voice held no bite, no anger. More so as if he was genuinely curious to her opinion. Curious to see if she would actually prefer this lifestyle.

"I don't know."

"Yeah, ya do. Ya said so yourself. Ya know we're goin' back. Just gotta find a reason."

"A reason?"

"Reason that makes everythin' worth it." He spoke the words with a shrug, as if it was simple and obvious.

 _What's your reason?_ She had to bite her tongue, bite down hard, so the words didn't slip from her lips. Somehow she knew that was crossing a line. Where the line was, what it represented, she didn't know. But she knew instinctively asking that question would cross it. He would shut down. And the easy atmosphere would be gone. So she pressed her lips together into a firm line, forcing the words back.

They were quiet for a while, the words they shared floating around them. And it was almost peaceful. Then they heard the footsteps, the rustling along the forest floor. Too loud to be an animal. Too staggered to be a human. _Unless it's a drunk,_ she thought fondly. The memory almost making her smile, and she wondered if she would ever carry his crossbow again.

"Let's go," she said quietly, both of them making their way to their feet and throwing on their packs. "Startin' to get curtain ideas." She smirked at him and turned, leading the way.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Good?" His voice was gravel this early in the morning, a sound she was happy to start her day to.

"Good," she replied, throwing her pack over her shoulder and following him out the door. She closed it gently behind her, slowly peeling her fingers away before letting Daryl lead her away from their stolen sanctuary. Just before the tree line she turned around, sparing the cabin one last glance. It really was magnificent. Beautiful and serene, it was nestled at the heart of a small clearing. The surrounding trees were clearly overgrown, their branches reaching towards the cabin and trying to claim it for their own. Beth wondered how long it would be until they succeed and this home would no longer belong to man, but belong to nature instead.

Five days. Five whole days they stayed within it's warm embrace. It was the longest she had stayed in a single place since Grady. And she felt almost sad to be leaving. She didn't think she would ever feel this way again. So much had changed, and as she took in the cabin for the last time, possibly ever, flashes of the past five days they had spent here blurred her vision. She let herself remember, relishing in the feeling of reliving a memory without pain or bitterness…

 _They cleared the house easily and quickly. It was obviously empty, smelling only of dust and not decaying flesh. She was walking through the living room on her way back to the kitchen, the room she normally scavenged, when she felt herself slowing down until she was stopped entirely. She stood still, looking around her and noticing the beauty of the room. It wasn't something anyone noticed anymore, but this felt different than any place she had ever been. And the beauty of this room, it spoke to her like it was alive. Beth had no choice but to stop and listen._

 _It was a large room, an open concept for the living room and dining room, with high cathedral ceilings. The ceiling reached up to reveal a small loft overlooking the room, and she remembered her gaze picking up on the balcony while they cleared the upstairs without really seeing it. Now it was all she could see. The beautiful wooden beams that structured the overhang, the cast iron vine design snaking up to create a railing, the stone fire place that climbed up the tallest wall in the room. She looked around herself in awe, the cabin was elegant in way that imitated nature but was still cozy._

 _When the room ceased to hold her full attention, she realized that she didn't feel panic at all. She was inside a room, enclosed by walls with no exit in sight, and she felt no panic. Her heart wasn't racing. Her palms weren't sweating. Blood wasn't rushing her ears. She didn't feel the normal itch break out across her skin urging her to run, to flee. She felt comfortable here. Almost as comfortable as she felt back in the woods. It was unexpected but not surprising, not when she felt the warmth radiating from the house. It was like this place had its own heartbeat, was a living entity with a soothing presence that Beth felt like she could lose herself in._

 _She turned when she heard Daryl clear his throat behind her. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning slightly on the frame. There was a softness in his eyes that allowed Beth anticipate his next words._

" _Thinkin' we should hold up here for a while." He said it as a statement, but she could hear the real question underneath. He was leaving it up to her. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't take the initiative to stay here, wouldn't even cross her mind as an option. And if he outright asked, she would refuse for lack of a reason. So he was making the decision for her, for them, knowing she would fight him if it wasn't what she really wanted. Knowing it was what she really wanted before she did. She wondered how he knew her so well._

 _She turned away from him, looking back around the room. She felt the pull. She_ wanted _to stay here. She just wanted to be, exist inside this place that felt so welcoming and inviting. A small voice in the back of her head prickled at the idea, whispering about the past, forcing her to remember all the other times she had stopped and everything had been taken from her. But Daryl's voice was louder, telling her home was with people, not places. And his voice won. It probably always would._

" _Alright." She nodded her head, throwing him a small smile over her shoulder._

 _XXX_

" _Daryl?" She knew her voice sounded hesitant, but she also knew it was okay. She could let Daryl in, it was okay if he could read her tone or her face. And while it still felt strange to reveal her emotions, leaving her more vulnerable, she knew she was safe with him._

" _Yeah?" His voice was gruff behind her, but she could easily detect the curiosity there. He felt safe letting her in too. The thought made her want to smile. She finished tying off the snare she was currently working on before standing up and facing him._

" _You ever gunna let me use that thing again?" She nodded towards the crossbow hanging from his right hand. He dropped his gaze and looked at it too before meeting her eyes again. He smirked at her and began walking towards her, holding his most prized possession towards her._

" ' _s been a while. Lets just start with some target practice." He walked away from her, pulling the red rag from his back pocket and using his knife to hang it from a tree a couple yards away. There was no way for him to know, but Beth didn't need any target practice. And what she really wanted was for him to finish teaching her how to track. But she figured she would entertain at least one arrow of 'target practice.' She waited for him to walk back to her side and gesture with his hand to go ahead._

 _She lined up the shot, all the things he had taught her coming back to the forefront of her mind. She let the ghost of his voice glide through her mind, reminding her the right amount of tension to keep in her arms and how to time her breathing properly. She allowed her instincts to aim the bow, trusting herself, and then pulled the trigger._

 _The arrow flew straight into the rag, striking right underneath the knife and piercing the middle of the fabric. She knew it would. Her aim had gotten pretty good and she trusted herself to hit her target, regardless of the weapon. She held the bow still for a few seconds after releasing the arrow, fighting her small smile at Daryl's silent disbelief. He hadn't said anything, but he didn't needed to. She was learning to read him without even looking these days. She could hear words in his silences. If she thought about it for too long, it became strange how in sync they were sometimes._

" _I was thinkin' more trackin' practice than target practice," she said as she lowered the bow. There was a light teasing in her voice, a smile playing around the corner of her lips, and both vanished when she felt the force of his eyes on her. She could feel it, like a physical weight on her body, the second he looked from the arrow to her. And the longer his eyes rested on her, the more intense the weight got._

 _She kept her eyes on the rag to resist meeting his gaze. She could feel his eyes burning holes in her back, and it made her feel oddly shy for some reason. What if he turned her down and said no to her request for tracking? What if he wasn't nearly as proud or stunned as she imagined his expression to be? Why did she care if he was proud of her, or surprised at her aim? The longer she refused to meet his eyes, the more questions formed and she didn't have any answers. And she was starting to feel foolish, like a child again. So she stiffened her spine and looked over her shoulder at him, turning in his direction._

 _His face was more composed than she expected, his squinted eyes showing no traces of surprise nor pride. But the intensity of his gaze left no room for disappointment. His eyes studied her so meticulously, she felt exposed under his scrutiny. Small flashes of confusion lingered around his mask of concentration and she wondered what he saw when he looked at her, what he was clearly trying to figure out. The longer he stared at her, the more anxiety she began to feel. Sometimes she could tell exactly what he was thinking. And sometimes, like right now, she was completely in the dark._

" _What?" She asked when she couldn't stand the weighted silence any more. He simply shook his head in return,_

" _Jus' full of surprises, Greene." His words felt thick with implications that she couldn't identify, and she felt desperate for the strange air between them to dissipate._

" _Worried I'm getting better with this thing than you?" She teased him, but the lightness in her voice felt forced. She wondered if he could hear it. If he did, he didn't show it. He just scoffed at her, fighting a smirk and shifting his weight in his feet._

" _Bullshit. I been usin'_ that thing _longer than you been alive." His tone matched hers, but his face abruptly hardened after he spoke. He dropped his head and started walking towards the tree where the red rag hung limply. He pulled both his knife and arrow from the tree with what looked like more force than necessary. Shoving the rag back in his pocket, he called over his shoulder, "Ain't gunna track shit standin' there all day. Let's go." His voice was surprisingly bitter and harsh. And Beth moved towards him in a dazed state, wondering what the hell had happened in the past five minutes._

 _XXXX_

 _Beth found herself wandering the living room. Daryl was upstairs, doing a more thorough search of the bedrooms. Or at least that's what she assumed he was doing. He had muttered he was going up stairs when they got back to the cabin and she didn't ask for further explanation. They had gotten plenty of meat and found a small river for water. Without anything that needed to be done, Beth took to wandering the house._

 _She ended up front of the fireplace. The mantel was decorated the same as any other home. Photographs, candles and small knick-knacks littered the shelf. She hadn't done this since the winter after the farm, when they were constantly moving through houses. Over time the nonessential items in a home became background noise, left useless and forgotten. But she used to look at these items, especially the pictures, and try to imagine the family that once lived here. She imagined them together and alive someplace else, still surviving. She imagined all the happy memories they had in the house, birthdays and breakfasts and family dinners._

 _Now she was drawn to the pictures, examining them with excruciating detail. Only it wasn't the people in the photographs she was imagining. The longer she stared, the longer their faces changed, molding into people she had tried not to think about. A picture of two women sitting beside each other and smiling widely became her and Maggie. The two men standing side by side in front of a lake became her daddy and Shawn. A wedding picture of a happy couple dancing blurred into her mama and daddy. And the photo of two happy parents posing with their toddler turned into Maggie, Glen, and their could-be son._

 _She looked at the pictures, but instead of imagining what the strangers' lives had like before the turn, she remember what her own life had been like. Mama cooking in the kitchen. Early morning chores. Asking Maggie about boys. Church on Sunday. Chasing Shawn around the farm when he read her diary. Choir practice after school. Daddy kissing her head before bed. The scenes flashed before her eyes like an old silent movie and pain squeezed her heart in a vice grip._

 _Her eyes began to fill with tears, everything around her becoming blurry, and she bit her bottom lip hard to stop it from quivering. She turned away from the fireplace, the pictures now making her feel overly exposed, but when she looked into the kitchen she could see her mama standing at the sink washing dishes. Beth blinked and she was gone._

 _For the first time since finding the cabin she felt the need to run. It itched across her skin and she could feel herself breaking apart. The emotions she had kept locked behind mental doors had worn away the wood. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before what thin barrier that was left would be broken for good. She needed the only thing that had brought her comfort for so many months now._

 _She ran from the house, quickly and quietly escaping through the front door and sprinting for the cover of the woods. As soon as she hit the tree line, she sank to the ground and scooched over until she was siting against a tree trunk, her back to the cabin. She could feel the tears threatening to fall so she squeezed her eyes shut. But behind her lids, the memories of her family played over and over. She couldn't hold it back anymore, and anger simmered beneath the surface of her pain for feeling so weak._

 _Maggie. She thought about Maggie the most. She remembered when Maggie would brush her hair out when she was little. The times she would sneak into her room after a bad dream. She imagined her now, living behind those walls and in a nice house with Glen. She pictured them sitting on a couch together in clean clothes and happily laughing over something insignificant, rather than struggling to survive, dirty and hungry. She wondered if they would have a baby now. Or maybe they already had one. She could be an aunt. Right now. And not even know it. The concept seemed so foreign, but her heart ached for the dream. Holding a baby in her arms, maybe a little girl like Judith, or a little boy with her daddy's eyes. Hearing a little voice shout "Auntie Beth" and squealing happily._

 _But that wasn't what life was. That was just a dream. That couldn't be reality. Because the reality was, no matter how high or sturdy the walls, it would always fall apart. People would always die. Just like her. Beth was dead to them, long gone and probably forgotten. The thought made her tears leak faster, steady streams now leaving tracks down her dirty face. She shoved her hands into the ground, grabbing handfuls of dirt and trying to ground herself. But it wasn't working. All she could see was her sister, thinking she was dead. Crying over her body. Mourning the loss of her little sister so soon after losing Daddy._

 _She missed her. She missed her so damn much. But she wondered, even if she did go back to Alexandria, would Beth ever really get her back? Would Maggie still love her?_

 _Everything was more confusing than it had ever been, and Beth couldn't seem to push her emotions away. She had survived off her ability to mentally block out her past, and now is seemed like no matter how hard she tried, her brain just wouldn't cooperate._

 _That was a lie. She knew she wasn't trying her hardest to keep her past behind closed doors. Her heart wasn't in it and a part of her wanted to feel the pain and happiness her memories brought. She had gone for so long, forcing herself to feel nothing and now only a short time with Daryl, she couldn't turn it off. She hated feeling anything. But she wanted it deep down. And now she hated how much she wanted it._

 _She knew the truth. She was smart. She could leave right now, take off into the forest. And sure, Daryl would come find her again. But she could keep running from him, keep fighting this. Eventually he would give up trying to bring her back. Daryl was loyal, one of the most loyal men she knew, but he was also smart. Smart enough to know a lost cause when he saw one. He wouldn't waste the rest of his life chasing someone who refused to be caught, no matter how loyal or stubborn he was. Patience was a characteristic he only seemed to display while hunting, and even then he knew when it was time to give up._

 _She looked out at the woods expanding before her eyes, the lost and lonely taking refuge inside its welcoming embrace. She could just go. It was that simple. She didn't have to go through this, feeling the pain or making any decisions. She could just disappear, stay dead for the rest of her life. Forget about Maggie. Forget about Daryl. Let the thoughts of her family collect dust in the farthest corner of her mind, slowly fading until nothing remained._

 _She stood up, wiping the residual tears from her face and streaking it with dirt in the process. Taking a deep breath of that fresh, woodsy air she loved so much, she started walking._

 _Back towards the cabin._

 _XXXX_

 _Beth lie awake, letting her heart slow and her breathing return to normal. The living room was dark, the kind of darkness that came in the earliest hours of the morning. It was still strange waking up here, and each time she had to remind herself where she was. It made her wonder is she would ever get used to sleeping indoors, if waking without the stars and moon above her could ever feel normal._

 _She looked down her body and let the still silhouette that was Daryl's sleeping form come into clarity. It had taken a lot of convincing but she finally got Daryl to sleep on the couch with her. There was only one couch in the living room, but it was a huge sectional with more than enough room for both of them. The first night it was unspoken that they would sleep in the living room together where they had dropped their bags. But when Daryl sat down on the floor to settle in for the night, Beth refused to drop the issue until he got off the floor._

 _After much grumbling on his part, he finally gave up and reclined on the lounge end of the sectional. When he first sat down, Beth couldn't help but laugh at how uncomfortable he looked. His shoulders were stiff and it looked like every muscle in his body was tensed to the extreme. At her laughter, he looked at her and relaxed a bit, muttering a horse "Shut up" and settling a bit deeper into the cushions._

 _Since then, they had spent all three nights sleeping on the couch. Beth's head rested on the arm, her legs stretching towards his head and he slept laying on the chaise. Beth's body was so small and the couch so large, an entire cushion separated her feet from his torso. She looked down at him now, careful not to move because she knew the slightest stirring would normally wake him. It was strange. Even while he was asleep, his chest rising and falling in deep, even breaths, he still managed to look alert. Like he would be ready to go at the smallest noise. He didn't lie all the way back, instead sitting up and reclining back slightly. His crossbow sat in his lap and his bag on the floor by his feet._

 _She found herself wondering if Daryl ever relaxed. Like, ever. When she couldn't picture a single time that she witnessed him relaxed, she began to feel guilty. She thought back to the prison, to the farm, to their time together. The pain slashes at her insides as the images filled her brain, but she fought through it and filtered through her memories. She could remember everyone relaxing at one point or another. Even Rick would take a few moments in the morning with Judith and Carl to just be. She could see Michonne outside by her horse at the end of a long day, watching the sunset and enjoying the silence while offering the animal a few strokes on the neck. But never Daryl. Even when he was eating a meal or smoking a cigarette, he always seemed tense. Like he was rushing through the task so he could get on to more productive things. Even when he was just sitting around the prison, he was always keeping his hands busy, working on his crossbow or fixing arrows. And the few instances when he was still, the tightness around his eyes gave him away._

 _She understood. She understood now better than she ever could have. Being alone and surviving alone, she knew what it was like to always be worrying and stressing. To always be on guard. But even she checked out from time to time. Everyone did. Otherwise they would go insane. The one and only time Daryl had seemed relaxed was when they drank moonshine. She wondered if he relaxed in Alexandria, behind the walls with armed guards. She highly doubted it._

 _Rolling onto her side, letting her mind continue to wander as she waited for dawn, she thought about the bottles she found in the kitchen. Dark, amber liquid she knew was alcohol that had been put high and out of reach for most. Only after climbing on the counters had she been able to open the cabinet over the oven and pull out the bottles nestled in the farthest corner._

 _She smiled to herself, remembering the night they drank and burned their pasts to the ground. She wished it could be that simple. If it was, she would burn the whole world down to erase what happened. But they had both come out of that night different people, or maybe the same people but better versions of themselves. Maybe that could happen again. And maybe she could actually get Daryl Dixon to relax again._

 _Maybe it was silly. Maybe it was irresponsible. But she definitely wasn't searching for a drink like last time. No, the drink had simply found her. And the more she thought about it, the more appealing the idea became. Maybe it could feel like a fresh start again._

 _XXXX_

 _It took her another two days before she grew the courage to broach the subject. She felt nervous and unsure of herself, scared that Daryl would shoot down her idea and it would somehow derail their easy connection. Surviving together was so easy and effortless for them, Beth failed to realize just how great things were. It was like they had their own unspoken language. Or maybe they had both just become incredibly perceptive as a result of their circumstances. Either way, they barely had the need to speak to each other, but occasionally did as a means to check in. Things were rarely uncomfortable between them and Beth didn't want to do anything to risk that._

 _Sometimes the thought would make her laugh. If anyone had said that Beth and Daryl would be best suited as survival partners, not a single person would have believed it. But now, she couldn't imagine another person besides Daryl that would have been able to bring her back from her self-imposed mental death. And she was extremely grateful to him._

 _But sitting near him now, in front of the fireplace and finishing dinner, she was seriously second guessing herself. She had no idea how he would respond to this. And the last thing she wanted to do was piss him off. But she really wanted to release her demons, and maybe it could work the same way it had for them in the past._

" _Greene." His voice was rough and shook her from her thoughts. She moved her eyes immediately from the flames to his face in acknowledgement. All he did was look at her expectantly and raise his eyebrows. He didn't need to say anything, and she wasn't going to pretend to be dense. Damn, that man caught everything. And since he had opened up the floor, giving her the little push she needed, she decided to go for it._

 _She exhaled and got to her feet, making a quick trip into the kitchen and returning to the fire with a bottle in each hand. She silently handed one to him before sitting back and wrapping her fingers around her own bottle. She took a quick peek at him from under the brim of her ever present hat to find him smirking slightly. Taking that as a good sign, she went with one of the meager arguments she had managed to come up with._

" _I promise we wont burn the cabin down this time," she offered and watched him chuckle in response._

" _You forget what a dick I am when I drink?" His tone was light, but the warning was clear to her. Last time they did this, it wasn't exactly fun and he said some pretty messed up stuff to her. But it was all stuff that needed to be said, that cleared the air between them and they became stronger from it. Maybe that's what she was really after._

" _You forget how good things were after? Like we were brand new people." His face became more serious and thoughtful. He looked down at his bottle, and apparently having made the decision, unscrewed the top and took a drink of the amber liquid. When he pulled away, the scent permeated the air and sweet burn of liquor invaded her nose. She exhaled silent relief at his understanding and a small victory smile turned her lips as she unscrewed the top of her own bottle._

" _Gunna make me play another dumbass game?" Her smile grew before she took her own drink. It was gross and the liquid burned her throat on the way down. She fought against her reflexes to spit it out and swallowed the offending beverage, taking a few small coughs after in attempt to clear her throat of the taste. He laughed at her face, which she knew was scrunched up in disgust._

" _Well since you asked so nicely, I'm sure I can think of somethin'," she smiled at him as he took another drink. "We already discovered how bad you are at I Never. How about Truth or Dare?"_

" _What are you, thirteen? No."_

" _Come on, Daryl! I dare you to," she said with a laugh. He looked at her, took a long swig from his bottle and muttered out a barely recognizable "fine". Beth laughed again._

" _It wont be so bad. If you don't want to do the dare or answer the question, you just drink. And if you do it, then I drink. Easy."_

" _This another one of the games you_ watched _your friends play?"_

" _What exactly are you implying there, Daryl Dixon?" Beth scoffed in mock offense. Daryl just shook his head in response._

" _Alright, lets get this over with." Excited, Beth wiggled to sit on her knees facing him entirely with her bottle placed neatly in front of her._

" _Truth or Dare?" Daryl brought a hand up, rubbing his fingers over the scruff on his chin and leaning back against the coffee table that separated them from the couch. One of this knees was bent up and his arm rested on it. His position looked relaxed enough, but his face screamed tension. Beth had to fight back a laugh._

" _Truth."_

" _Where did you find that vest?" Beth figured she would start with an easy one, and she had always wondered where it had come from. She always guessed it was Merle's, but when Merle came back to the prison, Daryl had kept wearing it. And Merle seemed like the type to immediately reclaim his belongings no matter how much time passed._

 _Daryl responded by taking a drink. "Your turn." His tone wasn't angry and his face didn't give away any signs of discomfort that would normally indicate a sore subject had been brought up. She wondered why he skirted the question, but rules were rules so she let it go._

" _Truth."_

" _You drank anythin' since the moonshine?"_

" _Nope," she answered quickly, and nodded her head at him to take another drink. "Truth or Dare?"_

" _Truth."_

" _What do your tattoos mean?" She went with another topic she had always been curious about and figured was safe. But again, he closed her out, taking a drink instead of answering. Yet he showed zero signs of being upset._

" _Your turn."_

" _Truth." He hesitated a moment before asking._

" _Why were you always writin' before?" His question surprised her, and she looked down at her hands as she considered her answer. The truth was, she never really thought about why she did it, she just did it._

" _I don't really know. It was something I can't remember_ not _doin'. I guess it made things feel more normal. I didn't really have a lot of people to talk to at the prison, so it was a good place to get things off my chest. Gave me hope that things were gunna get better."_

" _What kind'a stuff did ya write?"_

 _Beth shrugged. "Things I wanted to remember. Things I was feelin'. Things I wanted to get out of my head and not think about. Sometimes lyrics from songs or poems. All kinds of stuff." She paused for a second before refocusing her eyes on his face. "Why?" It seemed an odd thing for Daryl to ask. But he just lifted a shoulder and shook his head before taking another drink, making it clear the round was over. But Beth wasn't going to let it go, and since they were playing truth or dare, she was going to get an answer._

" _Truth or Dare?"_

" _Truth," his voice was neutral, but something almost playful lingered in his eyes and it tripped her up for a second._

" _Why are you askin' bout my journal?" She smirked at him, thinking she was trapping him into answering just one in a long list of the many questions he had dodged in his life. But instead he smirked right back at her, keeping eye contact while he lifted his bottle and took another drink. She could feel her face fall._

" _Your turn, Greene. You better catch up. Startin' to fall behind there, girl." He nodded to her untouched bottle and her mouth fell open, realizing he had been playing her this whole time._

" _Daryl! You been cheatin' this whole time!"_

" _Hold up. You didn't say nothin' bout how many times we could pass on shit." She glared at him._

" _Guess I forgot to mention you only get three skips, and would you look at that? You just used up all three." She took a smug drink from her bottle, thinking that he was right. She was falling behind._

" _Now you just makin' up rules."_

" _My game. My rules. And I pick truth."_

" _Fine. Why we playin' this dumb game anyway?" His voice was only mildly annoyed and held no real bite, but the question still brought Beth up short. She opened her mouth to answer only to realize she had no real answer to give him. What was she going to say? Because I wanted you to relax? Because I need to find a way to let go of my demons before they destroy me? Because I have a million questions for you that I refused to even acknowledge, let alone ask, without some liquid courage? Yeah, right._

 _She snapped her mouth shut and narrowed her eyes at him before picking up her bottle and taking a large sip. It was still gross, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she forced the swallow._

" _Truth or Dare?"_

" _Dare." Her eyes popped open. Dare? She hadn't even considered what she would dare him to do, which was extremely stupid. She couldn't think of any dares that weren't juvenile. And as she had just told him, he had to do whatever she asked. Why the hell was he going along with this?_

" _Hmmmm," she stalled, her eyes rapidly searching the room for an idea. They fell on a painting hanging on the wall across the room. It was a watercolor painting of a deer in a field and inspiration struck._

" _I dare you to shoot that deer," Beth gestured towards the painting and then turned around to look him in the eye. "With your eyes closed."_

" _Waste of an arrow."_

" _We can just pull it out of the wall after."_

" _Its too high."_

" _Well then stand on the table. Unless you think you can't do it," she goaded, challenge sparkling in her blue eyes._

" _Fine." He pushed off the coffee table and moved to squat on his knee. He looked at her for a second. "Get behind me." It was an order, and Beth knew better than to disobey. She crawled around him and turned to watch._

" _Eyes closed, Mr. Dixon. No more cheating." She peeked around him to look at his face, and when his eyes met hers, he rolled them. Looking at the painting one more time, he closed his eyes and quickly brought up the bow, pulling the trigger._

 _Beth looked at the painting only to find no arrow. She giggled slightly, only to full on laugh when she found the arrow about a yard below the deer. Daryl huffed at her laughter._

" _Somethin' funny, Greene?"_

" _Nope," she said while still laughing. She crawled back to her bottle, sitting a little closer to the fire than before. "Let's just hope you don't go blind any time soon." She took a quick drink to acknowledge his completion of her dare._

" _Ain't gunna be no more fresh meat if that happens."_

" _Oh don't worry. I'll take over the hunting and you can stay home with Judith," she teased lightly, before her words caught up with her and it went silent. The smile fell from her face. Judith. The baby that was practically hers for so long. She took another sip from her bottle, letting it loosen her tongue, before setting the question free._

" _How is she?" Beth looked up and met Daryl's eyes. His face looked almost gentle, the tension normally held around his eyes vanishing and he looked at her with a tenderness that he only displayed when it came to the baby in question._

" _She's good. Got pretty big. Thought she was gone for a little while after the prison, but we got her back. Practically famous round Alexandria. Everybody always wants to hold her and shit. Dunno how she puts up with it." Beth smiled slightly, but his words only fueled her curiosity instead of satisfying it. What she had wanted to know for so long, deep down, but refused to acknowledge. Some stupid streak of stubbornness or fear preventing her from asking about her family._

 _And yes, they were_ her _family, no matter what lies had she tried to convince herself of to get through the day. And she needed to know what happened. No more hiding._

" _Tell me what happened after the prison. After the funeral home. What happened to everyone else?" She took another drink and prepared herself for the answer._

" _Well, long story short, almost everyone got out. Everyone was just separated. After the funeral home, I hooked up with a group of assholes. Through them I found Rick, Carl and Michonne. There were signs everywhere for this place called Terminus. Turned out to be a bunch of psychopaths. But everyone from the prison followed the signs and we all ended up there, locked up in a train cart. Turns out they were all cannibals, leadin' people there so they could kill 'em for food. Carol took the place down and we got out."_

" _Was that after you guys came to Grady?"_

" _Nah, it was before. After Terminus we found this moron priest and went back to his church. That's where we were holed up when I saw the car. Black car, white cross. Was with Carol and we went after it. Led us into Altanta. Ran into Noah. Those cops hit Carol with their fucking car so they could drag her back. Took Noah back with me to get Rick and everyone, then we went into the city to get you guys." His face went cold. He was looking into the fire with so much anger that Beth was almost scared. They both took a drink at the same time, clearly remembering what had happened. It was quiet for a bit before she spoke again._

" _What happened after Grady?"_

" _We went up to Richmond with Noah. It was gone. Then we just kept headin' north, helpin' them get Eugene to D.C., but-"_

" _Wait. Eugene?" Daryl chuckled in response._

" _Yeah. Met some people along the way to Terminus. Ended up sticking together. They're part of us now."_

" _The assholes you met after the funeral home?"_

" _No. Those guys are all dead." His voice was streaked with enough anger that it closed the topic for discussion, though Beth couldn't help but wonder if she would ever get the full story._

" _So did you ever get to Washington?"_

" _Nah. Along the way a couple of guys found us. Actually more like stalked us. Asked us to join their community. We've been there ever since."_

" _So who exactly is there?" Beth held her breath and grew still, waiting to hear how many people she had lost._

" _Maggie, Glen, Rick, Michonne, Carl, Judith, Carol, Sasha. And then the newer people you don't know. Tara, Rosita, Abraham and Eugene. We lost Tyrese and Bob along the way. Tyrese had two kids with him when he left the prison, but they didn't make it."_

" _Noah?"_

" _He got to Alexandria with us, but… Run went bad. Bunch of asshole kids from the town thought they knew better than us. He was the only one that didn't come back. Glen was pissed, wouldn't let anyone else go on runs except our people. Everyone really liked him. Was a good kid."_

 _Beth nodded, taking another drink. She was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. Her head was swimming and it was becoming harder to focus on any single thought. But she fought against it. She knew what happened. She knew her family's story. And the majority of them had found each other and were living happily. They had went through some shit, but it sounded like they came out the other end. And that's what she wanted too. She wanted it so bad all of the sudden, to overcome everything holding her back. To go back and see her family and move on with her life. And with that sudden desire, the words began falling from her lips._

" _I was heading towards Richmond. I knew you guys would get Noah there. The car only took me so far and pretty soon I was just walking on foot. Came across a guy, said if I taught him how to set up snares he would give me some food for the road. Said he was leading me back to his group, and he was. Just a different group than he described._

" _Brought me to an abandoned office space in a small town. Two guys were waiting inside. Grabbed me by the hair and tied me up. They were about to rape me, but when they found out I was a virgin they decided to wait. Hand me over to their leader or something. But that didn't stop them from doin' other stuff. Forcin' me to do other stuff." She took a long drink, barely even noticing the taste at this point._

" _On the third night I killed them. All of them. The shots drew all the walkers. I used their bodies as a distraction to get away. After that I was different. Somethin' snapped in me. And I just started wanderin' the woods. Didn't realize how far or in what direction I was goin'. I just turned everything off." She kept her eyes on the flames, not ready to look at Daryl. She didn't want to see any of the potential emotions in his eyes. And it felt like things were quiet for a while before his voice startled her._

" _Beth, I watched you get shot in the fucking head. I carried your goddamn body out to your sister." He paused, trying to regain control of his voice and not let so much pain leak out. "How? How are you alive?"_

 _She only shook her head, taking another drink and then looking over at him. "Honestly, I don't know. When I woke up, I was back in Grady again and I lost it. Then it started to come back and I remembered stabbin' Dawn. Edwards explained it, the doctor. Said the gun wound was a graze, but my heartrate slowed so much and there was so much bleedin' that there was no reason to think I was alive._

" _They told me what happened. Said they watched the herd come in, followin' some fire truck. That you guys had to go and couldn't bring me with you. They saw where you left me and went to get my body after it was clear. Edwards was goin' to have them bury me, but they realized I was still alive. There was no way you could have known." Her gaze had landed back towards the fire at some point while she was talking and she took another drink. It was quiet and it took a few minutes for the heaviness of that silence to penetrate her thoughts. It was tense in the room and she looked back over at Daryl. His body was practically vibrating with how hard he was fighting to sit still. And she could see his hands clenched into fists._

" _Daryl?" But he only shook his head. She waited, knowing better than to push. Her silence made it clear she was waiting for an answer. And it took a while, the silence growing more suffocating by the second, but eventually he responded._

" _Beth, I…"He shook his head again and finally met her eyes, looking up from the floor. The stormy blue was more tortured than she ever remembered. Maybe she just never looked hard enough when she had the chance before. But now, it was all she could see. That deep, rich color so unique and special to her, it became obvious why it was the one thing she could never force herself to forget. All those months wandering around, turning off all her memories and feelings, and his blue eyes were the only things that refused to be concealed behind her mental doors. But the pain in them now, the suffering, it made her feel desperate to erase the self-loathing that lingered._

" _Don't." Her voice was strong and firm, maybe more aggressive than necessary but she didn't care. She needed him to understand this wasn't his fault. So she packed as much emphasis into her words as she possibly could, hoping it would be enough._

" _Don't blame yourself. Not every bad thing that happens is your fault. The prison, the funeral home, Grady… none of that is on you." He dropped her gaze, looking down at the ground and taking another drink. The air felt so heavy, and she knew he would never listen to her. She wanted to feel light and floaty again, not the suffocating depression that was beginning to fill the room. She suddenly remembered that they were supposed to be playing truth or dare._

" _I dare you to… take a sobriety test," she looked over at him smugly and couldn't help but laugh at his face, equally confused and annoyed._

" _Why?"_

" _Operatin' a weapon under the influence is a serious crime. And cause I dared ya to so you_ have _to. And cause I wanna tell Rick that you failed." She laughed again when he huffed and muttered under his breath._

" _Fine. What do I have to do?" Beth smiled widely, happy he was playing along, and got to her feet. But the second she stood up, she felt exactly how drunk she had gotten. Her head felt like it had totally floated away and she swayed slightly on her feet. But a quick head shake cleared her up and she suddenly felt weightless and heavy all at the same time. She smiled bigger, remembering this feeling from so long ago._

" _Alright. You gotta walk in a straight line first."_

" _How do you know this shit anyways?" He grumbled as he stood up, placing his bottle on the coffee table with hers._

" _Movies," she shrugged and gestured for him to get on with it. He walked five steps in front of the fire, placing one foot directly in front of the other. When he had crossed the span of the fireplace, he looked back at her with an expression that clearly asked if she was satisfied._

" _Now stand on one foot and touch one finger to your nose."_

" _This is stupid," he muttered under his breath, but followed her commands anyways. Only he couldn't seem to balance on one foot. His other kept tapping down on the floor to steady himself. And Beth couldn't hold back her laughter any more. He dropped his hand and placed his foot back on the floor, standing in front of the fire and watching her fall apart in giggles. She could see the anger fading from his face._

" _Shut up, Greene. You think its so easy? You do it." After taking a few deep breaths to stop the laughter and try to compose herself, she placed a finger on her nose and lifted a foot. Only someone kept tilting the room on her. She couldn't keep her foot off the floor for longer than a couple seconds at a time. And it made her laugh all over again. She moved her hat up her head to allow for a little more light to hit her face, and when her eyes met Daryl's again, he was looking at her head strangely._

" _What?"_

" _Why do you wear that hat all the time?" The question made Beth laugh, even though she knew the answer wasn't even remotely funny. But it suddenly seemed so ridiculous, she couldn't help but laugh at herself._

" _I thought… if I dressed like a boy… to hide my body… and wore this hat… to hide my hair… no one would know I was a girl," she managed to get out through her giggles. "I thought if strangers thought I was a teenage guy, they wouldn't try to kidnap me or rape me." She watched Daryl's face go blank and suddenly it wasn't funny at all. And the heaviness she had tried to escape was right back in front of her face. Daryl's face might not be revealing much, but the iciness of his eyes told her all she needed to know. She looked down at her boots and dirty, male clothing._

" _Seems pretty silly now, I guess," she muttered, keeping her head down._

" _You should burn it." His voice held so much conviction, and she vaguely recognized the words as her own. Or a form of her own. But it didn't really make sense, so she tried to focus on his face and remember what they were talking about._

" _What?"_

" _I dare you to throw that fuckin' hat in the fire. I dare ya to burn it."_

 _She looked at him and felt herself start to smile. It felt like something new was pumping through her veins, something wild and free. She wanted to be reckless. She wanted to let go of the vigorous control she held on to so tightly for so long. Maybe that's why she really wanted to drink. She just wanted to feel without repercussions, like she had that night before._

 _She snatched the hat off her head, setting her dirty hair free. She looked at the hat for a second, taking in the dirty black material that had been her safe place for a long time. Looking back to Daryl, her drunken mind registered she had a new safe place now. She walked towards him, towards the fire, and he stepped aside, giving her access to the flames._

 _She didn't hesitate. She threw it in the fire and watched it burn. When the flames had taken total control of the fabric, she turned around and smiled at Daryl. She could feel her eyes dropped slightly with the alcohol, her face felt too hot and she knew her smile was too wide but she didn't care. He looked resolved. Like he had finally solved a puzzle or accomplished an impossible feat._

" _We should really do this more often," she said with a laugh. She had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be drunk. And how exhausting it could be. She yawned widely and made her way to the couch, grabbing her bottle as she passed. She sat down heavily, taking another sip before sinking back into the cushions and putting her feet up on the coffee table. She hadn't realized Daryl followed her until the cushion next to her sank down. She offered him a slight smile before looking back to the fire place._

 _Once again, the pictures on the mantle grabbed her attention and she dropped her head back on the couch to lift her eyes away from the images. She looked up at the ceiling, the exposed wooden beams crisscrossing back and forth almost looked like they were moving. She wondered idly how drunk she actually was._

" _I miss Maggie." She didn't know where the words came from, but she said them. Her voice matter of fact and tired. Daryl was quiet beside her, just listening. She wondered how drunk he was. He was surprisingly not a dick tonight. The thought made her laugh, and she rolled her head lazily to rest her cheek on the couch so she could see him._

" _Hey, you weren't a dick tonight!" She said through her giggles. She watched him smirk and side eye her._

" _Never too late, Greene." She looked back at the ceiling as her laughter died down._

" _We gotta go back now, don't we?" Daryl took a healthy pause before answering._

" _Don't gotta do nothin'. You like it here. Why not just stay here?" She looked back over to him. His hair was so long and dirty, it made her wonder what her own hair looked like. She wondered if it was even blonde anymore under all that grime._

" _We both know we gotta go back," her words were starting to slur together and her eyelids were becoming too heavy to keep open. "Maybe we just keep this cabin as a vacation spot." She wasn't sure if she was teasing him or if she was serious. She was asleep before he had the chance to respond._

 _XXXX_

 _Beth opened her eyes, but the light was blindingly bright. She groaned and squeezed them shut, turning her head to hide it further in the couch. But when her cheek stuck to the fabric, her foggy brain registered something was off._

 _She jerked awake, sitting up fulling and looking around her. She groaned again when her abrupt movement produced a dull throb behind her eyes and the brightness of the room threatened to burn her eyes. She looked around her and suddenly a few things registered in her mind._

 _She and Daryl had gotten drunk last night._

 _She had obviously slept the night with her head resting on his shoulder, her facing sticking to his leather vest._

 _She didn't have a single nightmare last night._

 _She was definitely hungover._

" _Mornin'," Daryl's gruff voice sounded too loud to her sensitive brain._

" _Now I remember why drinkin' is bad," Beth whispered in a low voice. Daryl smirked at her and stood up. Beth closed her eyes and laid back down on the couch. She realized it was still pretty early in the morning, probably close after dawn. She listened to his footsteps move away from her and then circle back towards her._

" _Here." She opened her eyes to find him standing right in front of her, offering her some food. Some leftover meat from last night. It didn't exactly look appetizing, but she knew it would help. She took it wordlessly and ate it while still laying down on the couch. While she ate, Daryl sat on the other end of the couch and Beth wondered to herself why it wasn't more awkward waking up after basically sleeping on him. Why he wasn't more awkward._

 _She glanced down at him to find him playing with his own fingers and looking down at his shoes. So maybe it was awkward, but she had just failed to notice it in her hungover state. Either way, she found she didn't really care. She closed her eyes, finished her food, and let sleep claim her again._

 _XXXX_

" _Alright, we're here," he said and dropped the strange duffle bag he had brought with them. Beth looked around, confused._

" _The river?" she asked. After she had woken up again, Daryl had told her he wanted to go somewhere. She hadn't asked because frankly, it wasn't really important and she didn't care. But he brought a random duffle bag she had never seen before, that looked like it was stuffed to the brim. She had looked at him curiously, but he didn't respond, instead just leading them out of the house._

" _Do we need more water? I would have brought some of the empty bottles." She turned back to him to find him pulling stuff from the bag. It looked like clothes._

" _Nah. Your ass is takin' a bath."_

 _Well. That was the last thing she had been expecting. She reached up to pull the brim of her hat down, as she normally would when she was uncomfortable, only to remember she was thrown it into a fire last night like a drunken moron. A bath? Was he serious? This was Daryl._

" _Why?" she asked, trying not to sound defensive._

" _Cause you fuckin' stink," he responded. She could detect some teasing in his voice but not enough to reassure her that this was all just a joke._

" _Look whose talkin', Dixon. When's the last time you took a bath?"_

" _More recently than you. So here." He turned to stand and faced her, offering her the duffle bag. She looked inside to find a random assortment of toiletries. It was obvious he had raided the upstairs bathroom and just threw everything into a bag._

" _No. No way." He had inadvertently taken her hat. No way was he forcing her to take a bath. Even if the idea of shampoo was enticing. She met his eyes to find him glaring at her stubbornly._

" _Just get in the fuckin' water, Greene."_

" _Or what?"_

" _Why ya gotta be so god damn stubborn? Thought you wanted a fresh start or sum shit. Aint that why ya got us hammered last night?" That brought her up short. He was right. That's why she made him drink with her. That's why she agreed to torch her favorite hat. That's why she had been surprised when they didn't start heading towards Alexandria today. She did want a fresh start. But she was still scared._

" _Fine. But you gotta do it too."_

" _Why?"_

" _Cause you fuckin' stink too," she said, throwing his words back at him. She went to the pile of clothes he had taken out of the bag before. She found not only clothes, but towels. Two of them. And some clothes that were clearly female and some that were clearly male. She whipped back to face him, only to find him staring at her smugly._

" _How'd you know I'd…" she trailed off._

" _You'd be annoyin' and stubborn?" he finished with his eyebrows raised. She rolled her eyes and grabbed what she needed before making her way towards the river. She dropped the duffle bag, her towel and the clothes. She looked over her shoulder to find Daryl standing where she left him, his back towards her and eyes obviously scanning the surrounding area._

 _She shook her head at herself. Obviously he wasn't gunna look. She turned back towards the water and reached for the hem of her shirts. She pulled them off and let them drop to the ground. Stripping off her boots, socks and pants, she stood in front of the water in just her bra and panties. She could see the difference in the color of her skin that was exposed versus what had remained hidden under her clothes for months. She grabbed the shampoo and walked into the water. It was a smaller river and the water didn't move too quickly at this point. She managed to find a spot deep enough to reach her waist._

 _She dunked her head, coming up with wet hair and a wet bra. Looking down, she realized how little it was concealing anyway. She unclipped her bra and then pulled off her panties, wading them into a ball and throwing them back to shore. Dipping her hair back again to fully wet her scalp, she poured out all the shampoo her small hand could hold before letting the bottle float next to her and began washing her hair._

 _It took forever, three rounds of shampoo before it felt clean, but eventually the suds were white and clear. She went back to shore, nervous watching Daryl and hoping he didn't turn around. She worked a generous amount of conditioner into her hair before walking back into the water. She stopped knee deep and started washing her body. She watched the suds turn brown, felt the filth and grime leave her skin, and felt like she was finally getting rid of those men that molested her._

 _Daryl was right. She hadn't bathed since before they had taken her. Probably since Grady. She wanted to stay as dirty and disgusting as she could, trying to keep any predators from wanting her. But now, washing everything away, she felt like she was removing all trace of those men from her skin. It felt so good, she washed her whole body twice._

 _She walked the bar of soap back to shore before going back into the water one last time. She dunked her head and worked the conditioner out of her hair. She ran her finger through the tangles, letting the conditioner loosen the knots and remove all the fallen strands from her hair._

 _She felt amazing, emerging from the water for the last time. She grabbed her towel and dried herself quickly. She could feel herself smiling as she dressed in the clean clothes Daryl had grabbed for her. She smiled wider as she imagined him packing underwear and a bra for her, which he had. The jeans were tighter than the other pair though still slightly loose, but her belt helped them stay put. And he brought her a tank top and a zip-up hooded sweatshirt in a thin material. Light enough to wear in the warm weather, but with a hood. It wasn't her hat, but she would take it._

" _All clear," she called to him while she sat down to put on her socks and shoes._

" _Better?" he asked as he walked towards her._

" _Yeah," she smiled up at him, gratefulness in her eyes that she knew he would read. She stood up and took his crossbow when he offered it. She slung it over her back and grabbed her towel._

" _Your turn," she smirked and walked to where he had stood guard. She towel dried her hair while she waited, but when she heard the unmistakable sound of clothes hitting the floor, she grew very still. All she wanted to do was turn around. And now all she could do was stand there and try to figure out why the hell she wanted to see Daryl Dixon naked._

 _XXX_

"You good?" His gruff voice brought her back to the moment. She glanced over at him quickly before looking back to the cabin for one more glance. It was beautiful. And it felt like it was theirs. She hoped that one day she would see it again. But she also knew, there was no guarantee.

"Yeah, lets go." She smiled at him and let him lead the way. It was never discussed, but she knew where they were going. She could feel the small flutter of anxiety in her stomach, and pulled her hood up over her head. Her eyes caught her hands and she was again shocked at how clean her skin was.

It served as a reminder. This was her fresh start.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

They had made it to Alexandria. It only took a day and a half, and for some reason, Daryl made it a priority to remember the cabin's location in relation to the community. He didn't want to analyze why, but he had an instinct he would need to find it again. Or maybe he wanted to find it again. Either way, it was important.

They were almost to the main road that would reveal the walls. He looked over at Beth, as he had been doing all morning. He could tell she was anxious. She was growing more silent and tense as they got closer and closer to their destination, and the anxiety was rolling off her in waves. Last night, she made him draw out a map of the contents inside the walls. Then she stared at that pathetic map for at least two hours by the fire light. She probably stared at it the entire time he was asleep.

She had barely said a word all morning, and he could feel the worry creeping up his spine that she was shutting down again. He could see the tree line coming into view where the road would take them right to the gate, and he stopped to face her fully. She looked up at him with cold, blank eyes. She was forcing the emptiness back into her mind, after he fought so hard to fill it with the Old Beth.

"Past them trees is the road," he said, jerking his head as indication. She gave him a single nod back and narrowed her eyes. And he decided that he hated seeing her like this. He never wanted her to look at him the way she was looking at him now. Like there was nothing in front of her. So he forced the next words from his mouth, not caring what it revealed. He just needed to see some life in her eyes.

"Listen, you tell me if ya wanna leave. Just say it, 'nd I'll get ya outta there. Go back to the cabin. Nobody'll follow us. Just don't run, a'right?" He watched some warmth come back into her eyes, the ice there defrosting slowly, and she nodded again, slower and longer.

"I wont run from you," she repeated her words again, and again they brought him the same relief. Seeing her these past few days, with her long blonde hair clean and lose around her shoulders, in clothes that were relatively clean and so much sparkle in her eyes, he was suddenly second guessing this whole decision. He knew the whole reason for getting her back to normal was to get her back to Alexandria, back to her family.

But now that he had her back, or at least a version of her, the stakes felt too high. Remembering her giggling uncontrollably in front of the fire, drunk off whatever stale liquor they had found, he realized just how precious that moment was. Because Beth Greene could easily turn cold again given the circumstances. What if Alexandria turned her cold, and he was the one pushing her there?

"Sure 'bout this?" Remembering her warmth and happiness at the cabin, and comparing it to her increasingly frosty demeanor as they neared their destination, had Daryl wanting to turn right around. He knew it was selfish and he fought against the instinct, but it still tempted him.

"Don't think we gotta choice." She was right. They didn't.

"Keep your hood up and head down. Takin' ya to Carol's. Sasha'll round everyone up, tell 'em to meet there. Just stay close to me, I'll make sure there ain't a scene." She nodded, her eyes looking focused and determined. She looked down and gathered her hair, wrapping it into a loose knot and pulling her hood over her head. With her head down and hood up, no one would even suspect the face that was hiding beneath.

"Greene," he said, grabbing her attention again. She looked up at him. "One look and we're outta there," he promised. Her eyes warmed more and she smiled with only her eyes at him. It was enough. They took off again.

XXX

She kept her head down as he instructed, but it was driving her crazy. She wanted to see her surroundings, see the people that could potentially threaten her.

"Find someone, Dixon? That's a first." She heard a voice call out, coming from high up. She recognized it as Sasha, though her voice sounded different than the last time she heard it. Normally her voice was so calm, soothing almost. But a lot had happened since the prison, and now it was bitter, mocking almost. As the bottom of the walls came into view, Beth forced her breathing to remain normal. The gate started moving, a loud noise that temporarily distorted one of the few sensory tools she had left. She took a small, involuntary step towards Daryl. An instinct, not a choice.

"Want me to take her to Deanna?" Sasha's voice came from directly in front of them now as the gate stopped moving, and Beth wondered who Deanna was. Wouldn't Rick be in charge? Was there a council here? She quickly began realizing how little she knew about this place.

"Nah, I got it. Get Maggie." Beth froze. "Send her to your place. Then round up everyone else and meet us there." He had started walking towards the gate and into walls. Beth forced her feet to move, but every step felt like wading through quicksand. She could tell by the pregnant pause, that Sasha was confused but not invested enough to argue.

She followed after Daryl, staying close to his side and slightly behind him. Mentally she walked through the map in her mind, counting the houses they passed to keep track of where they were. It was so strange. She could hear children playing in the streets and knew people were milling around. It felt and looked, from her limited view, like a small town completely untouched by the horrors that lurked outside.

She knew her old self would be amazed, in awe of such a place. This is what her family had dreamed of finding ever since the farm was overrun. Now, all she could see was weakness. She could see how easily this place could be taken over, that many of the people residing here would probably die after living in a fantasy world for the past few years. She tried to avoid jumping to conclusions, as misjudging a person or place could be deadly. But she had a feeling she wasn't wrong. It made her even more anxious, imagining how their weakness could impact her family.

Beth tried to focus on her breathing and steps instead, attempting to block out her surroundings and what would be waiting for her inside at Carol's house. She was entirely trusting Daryl to guide her, and she realized now that she hadn't even considered that factor in these moments. No part of her fought against the idea of him looking out for her. She had come to trust him entirely, and not from a lack of options either. It happened so naturally, she didn't realize the depths until this moment, as he led her blindly through her worst nightmare.

It felt like time had passed in both seconds and hours before they were approaching a house, walking up the steps and entering. She didn't think, just followed. But when Daryl stopped in the dining room, she had no choice but to check back into reality. She lifted her head for the first time since entering the walls and felt desperate panic until she found his eyes. That blue relaxing her and strengthening her.

"Carol?" he hollered, holding her gaze as only silence answered. She knew that he could read her, that she was hiding nothing right now. She didn't have to hide around him.

"Stay here. Lemme talk to 'em first. I'll try ta keep everyone from swarmin' ya." His voice was low and soft, his attempt to be reassuring.

"You okay?" he asked. She didn't know how to respond. Her brain was both empty and overflowing. No thoughts were really being processed. And she was so focused on the aspect of seeing their entire family again, that she couldn't remember to panic that she was trapped inside walls and inside a house.

"Daryl…" That was all she could manage before the front door opened and he walked away to intercept whoever had entered. She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled her hood down, letting her hair free. Her ears strained to hear who it was. Luckily, Daryl talked much louder than his normal tendencies. She knew it was intentional, so she could hear and know what was happening.

"Maggie," She heard him start and then abruptly cut off, like he wasn't sure how to continue. She couldn't blame him. Then her sister's voice hit her ears for the first time in what felt like a million years. Loud and panicked, but calm on the surface. Impatience hiding beneath all the layers that Beth could identify in a way only family could. Deep down, it was fear hiding in her sister's voice.

"What's goin' on? Where've you been? Are you alright?" Tears filled Beth's eyes. Out of all the reactions she had imagined herself having in this moment, crying was never one. Tears were something that Beth of the past would have. She imagined this new version of herself feeling nothing and anticipating rejection. But now, experiencing this moment, she had no control. She felt all the time they had spent apart tearing at her insides. And hearing her sister's voice, it hit her that Maggie was just on the other side of the wall. She was so close.

"Beth's alive. I found her in the woods. That's where I've been. She's in the dining room." His words were awkward and rushed, like he couldn't handle keeping the secret inside him anymore. After a long pause, Maggie spoke again. Only this time her voice was filled with sadness and pity. She spoke softly and slowly, the same way she remember Maggie spoke to her when she was younger and had been crying.

"Daryl, Beth is dead. She's gone. I know that you've been-"

"Go look. She's in the dining room right now." He cut her off and a small part of Beth's mind wondered where that sentence would had gone. But after a second she could hear the footsteps approaching. Only one set. And then her sister was in front of her, only a few feet separating them. Maggie froze for a second. And that single second was enough time for tears to spill over both of their eyes. This was insane. Maggie. Her sister. She was right in front of her, looking just like she always had. Beautiful and elegant, the shock clear in her big green eyes. Her hair was a little longer and her clothes were pristine, but it was her sister, her blood.

"Beth!" She breathed, the words leaving her in a gush of air like she had been punched in the stomach. Beth nodded in return and Maggie screamed. She wailed a distorted version "Beth" like she was in pain, and then her legs gave under her for a moment. The slight bend of her knees was enough to push Maggie into action. Maggie lunged at her, taking only a single step before wrapping both arms around her neck and sobbing into her ear. Beth stiffened instantly as the contact, but then Maggie's smell surrounded her and she relaxed. Just like she had always smelled back at the farm, minus the lingering scents of hay and dirt.

Beth's arms came around her back, working on auto-pilot, and she squeezed her eyes closed.

"Hey Mags," she whispered, her voice thick with her own suppressed sobs. She could feel Maggie shaking violently, her whole body pulling Beth as close as she could get her. Feeling her sister in her arms, she felt silly for even thinking that Maggie wouldn't love her now. The time apart, everything that had happened, it created a monster in her brain, convincing her of lies that she now knew could never be true. She loved her sister unconditionally. Nothing could ever change that. And she realized Maggie felt the same for her.

She opened her eyes and blinked away the tears that were still falling. More time must have passed than she anticipated, because looking at her with looks of disbelief and shock were Carol and Rick. They were standing in the doorway, giving the Greene sisters room, but Carol's eyes were shining with unshed tears and she was holding a hand over her mouth. Beth squeezed Maggie again and started to pull away. She looked into her sister's green eyes and they both laughed. Beth looked back towards Carol and Rick, almost laughing again at Rick's face. She realized he was obviously too shocked to process anything, judging by his frozen face, so she held Carol's gaze and smiled.

"Hey, Carol." She spoke with a little laugh, knowing the nonchalant greeting was out of place. But she didn't really know what else to say. Carol simply laughed back, clearing her throat and making her way over to Beth. She placed her hands on Beth's cheeks first and took a second to just look over her face.

"Beth," Carol murmured almost in awe, before her hands came to rest behind her head, leading Beth into a hug. The way Carol handled her, Beth remembered how much she had started to feel like a mom back at the prison. And now, Carol held her like only a mother knew how. Tears started to fill her eyes again as she hugged Carol back.

"Beth," Rick's voice reminded Beth that he was there and it sounded like he had been broken out of his haze. Carol released her and she made her way over to Rick. The disbelief was still clear in his face, and she could hear the question he hadn't asked yet. _How?_ She only shook her head in return, knowing that there was no real explanation for them. She was Lazarus, back from the dead.

Rick placed a hand behind her head and pulled her face to his chest, his arms gentle and weightless like his body couldn't register what was happening. She felt him kiss the top of her head and she squeezed her eyes closed. The fatherly affection brought her own daddy to the forefront of her mind. For a moment her chest ached, wishing he would be the next person to walk through the front door. She held Rick a little bit tighter, letting her mind imagine someone else's arms around her.

"Uhh… what's going on?" The voice had Beth releasing Rick and popping her head up over his shoulder. Glen.

"Holy shit," he muttered, joining the rest of her family's shocked expressions. "No way, Beth!" He moved towards her quickly, wrapping her into a tight bear hug and pulling her against his chest. She heard him muttering to himself things like "this can't be real" and "this isn't happening." He was so lost in his excitement, she was certain that Glen couldn't feel her body stiffen in response to his quick grab. She could feel her heart beat quicken, and willed herself to calm down. It was her family. And she was safe.

She wrapped her arms around him in response, but her eyes searched the room. They darted to every corner, refusing to linger on anything for too long. Glen was still muttering in her ear and asking questions she couldn't answer, but the seconds felt like hours as her body became more and more tense. She forced her breathing to a normal rhythm, but she could feel herself starting to get overwhelmed.

And then Daryl filled the doorway, almost like he could hear her silent panic. Blue met blue, and Beth felt herself deflate. His gaze poured out strength, but she could see the worry lingering around the corners. She felt herself wondering what she was giving away in these moments, when she was so overwhelmed by her emotions that she wasn't giving a single thought to controlling her expression.

"Got some people ya oughta meet." His voice was rough and familiar, bringing her back to the ground. She finally felt Glen's arms loosen and she stepped away, offering him a small smile. Her eyes went immediately back to Daryl. Like he always seemed to be able to, Daryl could see that she needed him. As she met him at the door, his hand came to her lower back and guided her back to the living room. She knew it was him offering her some support, reminding her that she could leave at any time.

The act had her wanting to lean into him fully, rest her weight against his torso for a moment and let his chest hide the heaviness for a while. Because Beth knew, as light as this moment was being reunited with her family, that the darkness would eventually follow. They would want to know everything. They would have questions. And she didn't want to answer them.

As she entered the living room, there were three people she didn't recognize sitting on the sofa. Seeing strangers brought an instinctual reaction, that she could feel happening without having any control over. Her body stiffened, muscles tensing and her hand twitched towards her knife. She could feel her eyes narrow and face shut down, the blank stare taking over her features. She assumed these were the people Daryl had told her about, so she reminded herself they were now a part of her family. But it was strange and she knew that she wouldn't be able to blindly trust them. But she was willing to give them a shot. If Daryl thought they were good people, then Beth thought she might think so as well.

Two of them clearly knew who she was, based on their expressions when she entered the room. A large, muscular man with bright orange hair stood up immediately when he saw her.

"Son of a bitch." His expression matched everyone else, and Beth wondered how he knew what she looked like. She didn't remember seeing him in the hallway at Grady. A smaller woman next to him slowly stood up, bewildered expression on her face as well.

"That's Abraham, Rosita and Eugene." Rick's voice sounded from behind her. "Helped Maggie and Glen find each other after the prison." The one she assumed was Eugene remained sitting, not having the same reactions as the others. At no point did recognition dawn in his face. They stared at her and she simply returned the gaze. She could feel the pressure starting to build in the room, the expectation for her to say something to them, but she didn't. She had nothing to say. She was saved when voices came from the front door as it swung open.

"Maybe someone finally figured out how to make ice cream," a female voice that she didn't recognize teased behind Carl as they walked through the door. He laughed in return, his voice deeper and his hair longer. His laugh caught in his throat abruptly when he saw her, and he stopped dead in his tracks, causing the woman behind him to bump into him.

"Wha-" she stared, but was cut off when Carl whispered her name.

"Beth?" He walked towards her slowly and hesitantly, as if afraid to spook her, and she wondered just how perceptive Carl had become. Beth gave him a small smile and nodded. She glanced quickly again at the woman behind her, only for a second to confirm that she was not at all familiar, before finding Carl's eyes again. He was closer now and still approaching, with a dumb-found look on his face. When he was right in front of her, he slowly lifted his arm to hug her but did so with a question in his eyes, asking if it was alright. She stepped towards him and brought an arm up around his shoulders. A surprised laugh came from him, before he stepped away, ending the somewhat awkward embrace. Beth smiled a little bigger at him.

"Holy shit." Her eyes snapped back to the stranger and the smile left her face as she took her in. Short brown hair pulled back into a low ponytail with honest and open eyes. She shook her head under Beth's scrutiny and took a step forward. "I mean hi. I'm Tara." She offered her hand out to shake, an odd gesture under the circumstances. "You're Beth. Maggie's sister. We never met but I was there when-" Her sentence cut off abruptly and she froze. Beth knew how she was going to finish that sentence, and for whatever reason it didn't bother her. She could see this woman becoming more flustered as she spoke and her demeanor was extremely non-threatening. She reminded Beth a lot of Glen.

Her hand was still out and she was stuttering slightly, unsure how to finish the sentence. The room was on the verge of turning awkward, so Beth decided to throw her a bone.

"When I died?" Beth finished for her, a slight teasing in her voice and she shook the woman's hand. Tara looked so relieved, Beth almost laughed at her.

"Yeah, but I guess not since… well, here you are," Tara spoke with a little laugh, and Beth found herself instinctually liking this person.

A small silence started to fill the room, and again she felt the pressure building for her to say something. But she still didn't know what. She never realized how much she enjoyed the comfortable silences she shared with Daryl until now. She looked around the room, and then the door opened again. Michonne and Sasha walked into the room, their footsteps slowing when she caught their eyes.

The same pattern occurred, and Beth found herself getting more comfortable now that she knew what to expect. There was the shocked expression, followed by a tearful embrace and her name muttered in complete disbelief. Then the same look that everyone's face seemed to take after the shock faded. Suspicion. How was she still alive?

Everyone's face had a different level of hesitance. Her sister was so thrilled, there was only a small look of disbelief still visible. Others, like Rick and Michonne, just seemed confused above all else. Happy, but confused. She could detect a trace of sadness in Carl's eyes and Sasha had some of the same bitterness present in her face that Beth had heard in her voice earlier.

"Beth… how?" Rick was the one the finally asked the question everyone wanted to know. Beth took a deep breath and felt Daryl take a step closer. She turned her back to face the wall so she could see everyone. She decided to just go with the facts, and make it quick.

"The gunshot was just a graze. My heart and pulse slowed from the shock. People from Grady came to get me, to make sure I didn't turn and to bury me. They realized I was alive." She shrugged, trying to sum up the story and close the conversation. It seemed like her words did nothing to lessen anyone's confusion or suspicion, but Maggie broke down into sobs and came towards her again. Beth wrapped her arms around her sister as she bawled, a constant stream of apologies leaving her mouth. And while it was weird to have this moment in front of everyone, Beth was relieved that it gave her something to do. She tried to mutter small reassurances to her sister, but it took a while for Maggie to release her.

"Deanna is going to want to talk to her," Michonne's low voice caught Beth's attention. She was clearly talking to Rick, but there was that name again. Who was Deanna? She looked over her shoulder at Daryl, letting the question leak through her mask.

"Deanna's kinda the leader. Meets with everyone that's new." Daryl answered, his voice low and clearly meant just for her. He looked back at Rick and Beth shifted her gaze to the man that would always be their real leader.

"Best to do it before she finds out and comes to break up the party," Rick said with a small smile. Beth noticed the way everyone talked about her. With respect and kindness. And while she knew it was no question that everyone in this room would have loyalty to each other and Rick above all else, she could also see that people liked Deanna, and acknowledged her as an authority figure here. It made her curious to meet the person that would win over her family's approval.

"Well I think this calls for a family dinner tonight!" Carol's voice called out from the corner of the room, the smile clear in her voice. Everyone laughed and muttered in agreement, while Beth felt the panic start to rise up her throat.

"You guys bring her to Deanna and then she can come back here to get settled. I'll go to the pantry and start cooking. Meet back here at seven?" Carol's response was met with agreement from the group and they slowly started to trickle from the house, all passing her by on the way out to offer either a smile or an awkward rephrasing of "I'm glad you're not dead."

Eventually only Rick, Maggie and Daryl were left and Beth felt exhausted. But she pushed that aside. She needed to meet Deanna, wanted to meet her. She knew that she needed to get all the information she could about this place.

The four of them headed out the door, Rick leading the way and Maggie walking alongside her. She knew Daryl was trailing behind them. This time walking through the small community, she didn't have to keep her hood up and head down. She took in the large, beautiful houses. She saw the residents milling around and noticed almost none of them had weapons she could see. It made her nervous.

"Bethy, I can't believe you're here," Maggie spoke softly beside her. Beth felt her grab for her hand and flinched away automatically. Realizing her mistake, she tried to offer her sister a smile and shrugged.

"Sorry," she said with a small, forced laugh and reached for Maggie's hand. She could see the confusion and hurt on her sister's face with that small action, and Beth knew that she would have to tell Maggie everything that happened. She knew Maggie felt guilty, and the last thing Beth wanted was her sister thinking she was angry with her. She wasn't sure how reassuring her smile was with all the tension she could feel in her body, so she looked away, scanning the new environment and tried with words this time.

"I love you, Mags. I never thought I'd see you again." She squeezed her sister's hand and felt her return the gesture.

"Love you too."

They were approaching a house and Rick climbed the stairs to the porch. Beth knew this was Deanna's house and she slowly stopped walking and released Maggie's hand, turning towards her sister.

"I gotta talk to Daryl quick first." Beth watched Maggie's brow furrow in confusion. She almost expected an argument, but Maggie just nodded her head. She knew that Maggie wasn't used to Beth telling, she was used to Beth asking. But Beth's tone left no room for discussion.

"Alright, I'll go get Deanna." When she had opened the front door, Beth turned to face him and he closed the distance between them. He stopped a foot in front of her, and she could feel her tension lifting at his proximity.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Tell me about Deanna." She spoke in a low, rushed voice, wanting to get as much information as possible. Daryl merely shrugged.

"She's alright. Used to work for the government or sum shit 'fore all this. 'S why she's in charge here. Husband built the walls. Smart. Good at readin' people."

"What's about to happen?"

"She'll ask you shit. 'Bout your life before. 'Bout how you got here. Probably gunna video it. Did the same to all of us. Made us go in alone." His last sentence was actually a question. _You want me in there with you?_ Beth considered before answering. She didn't like the idea of being separated from him in a stranger's home, but her family trusted this woman. He trusted this woman. Enough to let her do this. So she figured she would be fine as long as she kept her guard up.

"Okay," she nodded and she heard the front door open behind her. She knew she needed to go, but she also didn't know how she would find him when she was done. "Where-" she started but he cut her off.

"Be here, waitin' for ya." She nodded again and started to turn when he spoke again.

"Remember your manners, Greene." She could hear the teasing in his voice and see the smirk he was fighting. Walking backwards towards the door, and smiled sweetly at him before flipping him off. He laughed at her.

"Atta girl." She shook her head and turned to see a small woman standing in the doorway, watching their exchange with an amused expression. She was tiny, skinny and short, and definitely older than Beth expected a leader to be. She was wearing what looked like business casual clothes, and Beth wanted to scoff at her. Who wore dress pants after the world ended?

"You must be Beth. I'm Deanna. Please, come inside." She turned and walked into the house. Beth threw one last look at Maggie and Rick on the porch beside her before following the small woman inside.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Daryl watched her disappear behind the closed door and felt his anxiety peak. It has hard to tell which was worse: worrying that she would vanish when she was out of sight or worrying about how she was going to handle being inside that house with a complete stranger. He should have gone in there with her, rules be damned. It's not like Deanna wasn't used to their family breaking her stupid rules by now. He stood there, staring at the door, trying to figure out if he should just walk inside or let her be. She said she was okay, but he could only imagine the way her face had probably shut down at this point.

"How did you find her?" Maggie's voice broke through his inner turmoil. He glanced at her, before looking down and making his way to sit on the porch steps.

"Wasn't lookin'. Just happened." He leaned his back against the railing, making sure he could see the door to the house, and set his crossbow down beside to him.

"Was she alone?" Rick's question had Daryl's eyes snapping up to meet his, but Rick's face gave nothing away. He wondered how much Rick had already pick up on Beth's new personality.

"Ya."

"You just found her in the woods? How did she get all the way up here? Was she lookin' for us?" He could tell Maggie was going to ask him a million questions if he didn't shut it down now.

"I just found her and brought her back. You want her life story, ya gotta ask her." He picked up his bow and started examining the arrows, all while stealing glances towards the door.

"You know what happened to her?" Rick asked a few minutes later. Daryl looked up to meet his eyes again, holding his gaze for a moment before nodding. He knew then that Rick could tell Beth went through something ugly. After a few seconds, Rick returned his nod and dropped his head.

Daryl glanced at Maggie before dropping his gaze back to the arrow in his hand. There was a firm warning on the tip of his tongue that he bit back. He wanted to tell Maggie that she was different, that Beth had changed. He wanted to make sure she didn't push Beth too hard, he couldn't risk losing her again. But he wasn't about to tell Maggie Rhee how to treat her sister or what she was allowed to do. Hell, the whole reason he wanted Beth back here so badly was to get her to Maggie. Wasn't it? He figured if anyone could help Beth it would be Maggie, regardless that she had turned her back on Beth after the prison.

So he kept his mouth shut, his hands busy, and continued waiting for the front door to open again.

"I wonder what kind of job Deanna will have in mind for her. Probably something at the school." Daryl tensed at Maggie's words. He hadn't even considered that Beth would be assigned a job or thought to warn her about the possibility. Shit. There was no way she was gunna be up for that.

A feeling that was all too familiar filled his gut. Disappointment. If Beth got a job here, that meant she couldn't be by his side or in his line of vision. The thought made him anxious. How could he protect her if she wasn't around him?

He quickly considered his options. If Beth got a job within Alexandria, they would both go crazy. He couldn't stay inside these walls all the time any more than she could. And he already had a job recruiting with Aaron, plus hunting whenever they were "home" as an excuse to escape. He couldn't ask for a reassignment within the walls without it being questioned and drawing attention.

If Maggie was right and Beth was assigned to work with the kids, it wouldn't matter if he was reassigned or not. He would never be allowed near those kids all day. The parents would lose their shit if they thought a dirty redneck was hanging around the future generation of morons. There was no point staying within the walls all day if he wasn't with Beth.

He knew Beth wasn't going to want to stay inside for the rest of her life anyways. She had become as much of an outdoor cat as him by now. The only option was to tell Deanna that Beth needed to be a recruiter. It would allow him to keep an eye on her and satisfy both of their needs to live outside the "safe zone." He knew Aaron wouldn't mind adding another person to their team.

It was perfect. Only how the fuck did he make it happen? He wasn't about to ask Deanna for shit. Never had and never would. Not that he disliked the woman, he just was not the type to start asking for favors, especially favors that led to questions. He looked at Rick and saw his solution. He knew Rick would question him eventually, but he didn't mind answering to Rick. And he had a feeling Rick would agree to Beth's job once everyone figured out this wasn't the same Beth they remembered.

XXXXXX

Beth closed the door behind her, knowingly closing herself inside an unknown house with an unknown person. Her instincts screamed at her, but she pushed it down and focused on the task at hand. Complete the interview. Get out.

The front door opened right into the living room, which extended further to the dining room and kitchen. Bookshelves lined the walls and a coffee table filled with useless knick-knacks sat in between the couches. She quickly examined the items, searching for anything that could be used as a weapon and finding nothing. Deanna moved towards the wall where a tripod was leaning against one of the many bookcases and set it up behind the couch closest to the dining room. It was pointed at a single chair, clearly her intended seat.

"Please have a seat. I hope you don't mind if I film this. It's a kind of policy we have here." Beth kept her eyes on the small woman the whole time as she retrieved a video camera and set it up on the tripod. Still watching Deanna, Beth moved further into the room and began to take an inventory. The windows led outside to the front porch where she could see glimpses of her family. Instinctively, she kept her back to this wall, feeling it was the safest. She knew for anyone to attack her from either the windows or front door, they would need to get through Daryl to do so.

That left the rest of the house a possible threat. Looking straight through the open house plan, she saw no one else but she knew that didn't mean the house was empty. Anything could be hiding behind the breakfast bar dividing the kitchen from the dining room. She imagined the stairway to the second floor was along the left wall somewhere and the closed doors on that side of the house had her eyes constantly darting back to them, waiting for anyone to pop out.

Beth made her way behind the chair. She was short enough that the chair concealed her body from the waist down. One hand came to rest on the knife and the other rested on the back of the chair, ready to use the object as an obstacle if someone came towards her. She watched as Deanna moved around to sit on the opposite couch, settling comfortably into the cushion and smiling warmly at her.

"You can sit," Deanna gestured to the chair.

"I'm fine."

"I must say, I am very happy to be meeting you, Beth. You must be very special. Not only to come back from the dead, but to make Daryl Dixon laugh! I haven't even seen that man smile since your group joined us." Deanna spoke fondly of her family, with respect in her voice and a smile that wrinkled the skin around her eyes. It was clear there was a mutual respect between them, one that Beth couldn't understand based on how poorly this woman ran her community. To have her people walking around unarmed?

Beth didn't respond. She watched the smile fade slightly, but hints of kindness still lingered on Deanna's face.

"Why don't you tell me how you came to Alexandria?"

"Daryl brought me here."

"No, I mean before. Tell me about the time you spent away from your group." Beth was silent. She stared at Deanna, completely in control of her expressions and emotions. Beth knew she had shut down the second she walked into this house and felt the threat that came with the unfamiliar. Her face was a mask made of stone, eyes narrowed at the small woman who was waiting patiently for a response.

"Why?" Beth responded after a few moments.

"Because your story is important. Everyone's story is important. Does it make you uncomfortable to share it?" Deanna leaned forward, letting her crossed arms rest on her knees. Her expression was genuine and Beth knew she was not intentionally threatening her. This woman really believed that what Beth had to say was important. The idea made Beth warm towards to woman in the slightest bit, but she didn't let it show externally. But that wasn't enough for Beth to reveal anything about her past.

"It's not important." Beth retorted, knowing how the woman would respond before she even opened her mouth.

"Of course it is. Do you really believe that? That what you experienced and the path you took to get here is of no importance to who you are as a person? To how you will impact the people around you?" Deanna sat back against the couch again and Beth felt her hand loosen slightly on her knife. She didn't even realize she had tightened it when the small woman leaned forward.

"Not in the context of this conversation. It doesn't matter. You have these interviews to determine whether you should let the person stay, right? And you aren't goin' to tell me I can't stay here, not when the rest of my family is here and you are relyin' on them for protection. So how I answer any of these questions, none of it matters." Beth watched the woman's expression change. The warmth in her eyes faded as they narrowed slightly. She looked at Beth, really looked this time, and Beth could feel how the weight of her stare intensified, like she was defining the person in front of her and making a decision about her character and value. After a moment, a small smirk formed on Deanna's face and some warmth returned to her eyes. Beth remained cold and still.

"Do you want to be here, Beth?" Deanna asked in a tone that told Beth this woman already knew the answer.

"My family is here." Deanna nodded her head at Beth's response, her smirk growing slightly.

"I can see why he likes you." The statement was unexpected but Beth didn't let her confusion show on her face. She resisted the impulse to ask who. It wasn't important. All she wanted was for this to be over.

"Alright, well I think I have everything I need. Welcome to Alexandria, Beth. I hope it will grow on you with time." Deanna smiled at her and stood, a clear dismissal. Beth gave a single nod before walking quickly towards the door. She tried not to reveal any outwards signs of her growing need to escape this house, not wanting to reveal any weakness. She opened the door and walked through slowly, closing it gently behind her.

Turning, she found Daryl standing on the stairs with an arrow in his hands. His eyes asked the question before anyone else could and she gave him the smallest nod before looking over at Maggie and Rick, who were standing up from the porch swing.

"That was fast. How did everything go?" Maggie asked as she walked towards her, a smile on her face with only a hint of concern in her eyes.

"Fine."

"Let's get ya back to Carol's. You must be exhausted. You can rest there for a while before dinner." Maggie led her down the stairs past Daryl, who was moving in the opposite direction. Beth watched as he approached Rick with a question in her eyes that she knew he would get. He was going to leave her alone in here? She wasn't ready for that. She could feel the panic build as Maggie led her towards the road, but Beth only made it halfway across the tiny front yard before she stopped completely, just staring at him.

"Be right behind ya." His gruff voice soothed her nerves enough for her to nod and force her feet to move again, but she moved them slowly. She followed Maggie at a glacial pace, forcing her sister to slow down to walk beside her again. All the while Beth listened carefully for the sound of his steps behind her and fought the urge to look back for him.

Ten steps. She heard nothing. Fifteen steps. Still nothing. She noticed Maggie was chatting about something next to her, but Beth only noticed because the added noise impaired her ability to listen for his nearly silent tread. Twenty steps and still nothing. They had passed two houses by now and she was feeling itchy.

Unable to fight it, she looked over her shoulder to see him crossing Deanna's yard into the street. He looked up, like he could feel her eyes or hear her silent panic, and their eyes met briefly. As she turned her head back, she could see him picking up the pace slightly and she exhaled. Finally.

XXXXX

Daryl watched her walk into the street, away from him, and he felt the need to follow her pulling at his brain. He shook it off and looked at Rick.

"Gotta ask you something." Daryl looked down and grabbed his cross bow to give his hands something to do. He strapped it onto his back, hesitating, before meeting Rick's expectant eyes again.

"Ya gotta tell Deanna not to give Beth a job. She's gunna be recruitin' with me 'nd Aaron." Rick's face didn't show any sign of surprise as he thought over Daryl's words.

"You sure Maggie is gunna go for that?" Shit. Daryl hadn't even considered the big sister protector crap that Maggie was probably going to pull now that Beth was back.

"Ain't up to Maggie."

"Well it ain't up to you either." Daryl shifted his weight and looked down. He didn't want to betray Beth's trust, but this was for her own good. He knew she would rather being outside the walls than feeling trapped inside. And he trusted Rick not to share this information.

"Look man," Daryl met his eyes again. "She didn't wanna come back here. Barely convinced her. Bein' inside these walls all the time…" He hesitated before shaking his head. "She ain't gunna make it." _And I ain't losin' her again._

Rick looked at him for a minute before dropping his gaze and looking out across the street. After what felt like a while, he nodded.

"I'll talk to her," he said without looking at Daryl. Daryl nodded his thanks and walked down the stairs. Making his way across the yard, he looked up to see Beth staring back at him. She was maybe fifty feet ahead of him and the tension in her face was obvious. He watched some of it fade when their eyes connected, but still he quickened his steps, closing the gap between him and the Green sisters easily.

"…couple a houses between us. I think Carol's place has an extra room or two, but I really want you to stay with us. We don't have any empty beds but you could sleep on the couch. Better than the ground in the woods anyways. God I still can't believe…" Maggie rambled next to Beth as they walked slowly back to Carol's. It took a few seconds for her words to hit him, and when they did his eyes snapped up Beth's back.

Maggie's. She would probably be sleeping at Maggie's. Again, another obviously thing he hadn't even considered. She would be sleeping in another house, under another roof. He hated the way that same disappointment from earlier crept back into his chest, making his body feel hollow.

He didn't realize it until this second, but he had gotten used to spending all of his time with her. Normally that would drive him insane. But now that he was being offered freedom again, it became clear how little he wanted solitude. He was used to spending his nights watching over her, waiting for any sign of distress so he could stop the nightmares as soon as they started. And he was used to waking up and seeing her immediately, before any doubts of her existence or questions about his sanity could start to eat him alive from the inside out.

Now all of that would be gone.

He bit back the mounting anger he felt for expecting anything else and tried to remind himself that this was the point. He brought her back here to be with Maggie, to be with their family. He brought her back to Alexandria so she could heal and find the parts of herself that she was still trying to hide. There was so much he couldn't help her with and he knew that from the start.

He couldn't bring Beth back to her old-self alone. She needed someone she could talk to, someone who could offer her insight and comfort. That was never something Daryl could give her, and that's why she belonged with Maggie. She needed to be with her sister, and there was no logical reason why Beth should be away from Maggie. They were family, real blood, and they should stick together.

Daryl reminded himself of all this, yet he still felt the agitation stiffening the muscles in his shoulders and neck. He gripped the strap of his bow tighter than necessary as they entered the empty house, his knuckles turning white against his chest. He was only getting angrier at himself when Maggie's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Daryl, can you show Beth to one of the empty rooms?" He nodded to her and she turned to face Beth. "I'm gunna run back to my place and grab you a change of clothes. I'll be right back. You need anythin'? You hungry?" Beth shook her head. "Alright." She stepped closer to Beth and he watched her try to suppress a flinch when Maggie's hand came to rest on her cheek. "I'm so happy you're here, Bethy."

Beth forced a smile back at Maggie, who turned to leave. As soon as the door shut behind her, Beth closed her eyes and visibly sagged. Letting out a deep exhale, she reached her hand up to head, only to drop it back to her side when she remember her beloved hat was gone. Watching her façade melt away, Daryl remembered how difficult this was for her and felt his anger start to dissipate.

When her blue eyes opened, they were focused on him. Exhausted and expectant and pleading with him, but for what he wasn't sure. He let those blue eyes ground him. Refocusing on what she needed and pushing his selfish wants aside, he nodded his head towards the stairs.

"Come on." He started towards the stairs, pausing only when Beth opened the coat closet and downstairs bathroom doors. Her discomfort was becoming more apparent as the seconds passed without an audience to appease. She opened every door they came across, tensed for anything to pop out. When they got to the second floor, Daryl opened the doors as they passed them and left them open. He realized she hasn't been given a tour of anything and would probably feel better knowing the layout of at least his house. He made a mental note to make sure she got a proper layout of the whole community tomorrow.

"Carol's room," he said when he opened the first door at the top of the stairs. "Bathroom," when he opened the second. "My room," when he opened the third door. He moved to open the last door, but Beth had stopped at his door, her eyes darting between him and his now exposed space. It made him feel embarrassed and anxious, but he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like there was much of anything in his room. But the way her eyes moved around his space, it made him feel vulnerable.

"Spare room." He opened the last door in an attempt to pull her back towards him, to get her and her curious eyes away from his overly exposed personal space. Slowly, she walked towards him and entered the bedroom, cautious and observant. Her eyes took in everything, and she moved to the closet first, opening the door the same way she had opened the others.

Finding it empty, she turned to face him. Her eyes were no longer curious, but held the steel resolve he had grown so fond of. He knew whatever she was about to say wasn't something she would change her mind about. She looked determined and stubborn, every bit the Beth Greene he remembered.

"I'm staying here." Her sentence confused him, and the obvious words didn't match the intensity of the expression on her face.

"If ya want, before dinner…" He trailed off, unsure what she was talking about.

"No. I'm staying here. With you. That's your room, right?" She gestured down the hall. He nodded once and narrowed his eyes, unsure he liked where this was going and fighting back the instant reaction to be happy.

"Then this is my room now." Her voice sounded firm and resolute. And he knew this was going to be a fight.

"Sure that's a good idea?" He paused when a flash of hurt crossed her features, only there for a second before her eyes narrowed back at him. "Maggie…" He trailed off, hoping it would be enough of an explanation to reassure her that his resistance was no indication of his personal feelings on the matter. Of course he wanted her here. Wasn't that obvious?

"I'm not leaving you." Those words made him want to cringe. They made his heart soar and his stomach drop. He wanted to yell at her for conjuring up the memory of the first night he lost her while also smiling that she was still insisting she stay by his side. It was too many reactions for his body to interpret, so instead he just stood there, silent and unmoving. Long enough that Beth grew unsure and some of her resolve began to crumble in front of him. He watched the doubt fill her eyes before she dropped them to the floor.

"Unless you want me to go," her voice lifted at the end, the statement an obvious question that Daryl wasn't sure how to answer. He cleared his throat and shifted his weight, watching her eyes glance up at him through her lashes.

"Ain't 'bout me. Stay wherever ya want." She nodded back at him and then turned to look around the room. She moved towards the bed, running her very tips of her fingers along the mattress and nightstand. He wondered what she was thinking, how she was feeling other than the obvious exhaustion showing on her face. The reminder had him backing away towards the door.

"Get some rest," he said, and resisted the urge to laugh when she simply raised her eyebrow in return. They both knew she wasn't going to be able to get any sleep in here. He threw a smirk at her before leaving the room and entering his own. He resisted the urge to close to door, wanting to be able to keep watch and see the hallway. He also wanted Beth to know exactly where he was if she needed him, so he made some extra noise as he laid down on the bare mattress and set his bow down next to him. Tucking both hands behind his head, he kept his eyes focused on the wall outside his bedroom door and tried not think.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

She held perfectly still as she listened to him move through his bedroom. When she heard him settle onto the mattress and the room was quiet, she released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She took another look around the room that now belonged to her. It was strange.

She hadn't willingly had her own bedroom since the prison and that felt like another lifetime. She remembered how she felt back then, unpacking her bag for the first time and writing in her journal again. She was so determined to make the prison feel like a home, decorating her cell and collecting small items.

She looked around the bedroom, her bedroom, and almost wanted to laugh at all the useless stuff cluttering the room. Jewelry box on the dresser, alarm clock on the night stand, paintings on the walls. Nothing new or unexpected, commonalities that she ignored all the time when scavenging other homes. But right now, this room belonged to her and she felt like all the pointless shit scattered around was nothing more than a distraction. A mask attempting to cover the new world. It added to her anxiety.

Beth tried to shake off her irritation, telling herself that eventually she would get rid of all this shit if she decided to stay in Alexandria. Just because she came here, didn't mean she had to stay. She wasn't trapped, and she repeated that to herself as she made her way to the bed.

She curled onto her side on top of the blankets and tried to let her new reality sink in. It was so much to process, seeing her family again, seeing them alive and happy. They all seemed so happy and surprised to see her. She couldn't blame them. She just hoped their feelings wouldn't change overtime.

The sound of the downstairs door opening pulled her from her thoughts and she felt her heartbeat speed up. She knew it was Maggie, but she also didn't know that. Anyone could have just walked through that door, and her entire body tensed at the thought. She reminded herself that Daryl was just in the next room over, and if he wasn't alarmed then she shouldn't be either.

Footsteps moved up the stairs and Beth considered if she really wanted to talk to her sister right now, or anyone for that matter. She just had more interactions with living humans in the past hour than she had in the past however many months spent on the road. When the steps cleared Daryl's door and Beth knew the intruder wasn't a threat, she closed her eyes and tried to relax her body to appear sleeping. It wouldn't be hard to believe that she was exhausted enough to have fallen asleep already. Only she and Daryl knew what the past few weeks had been like.

When the door knob turned, Beth tried to take even breaths. The footsteps made their way into the room and something was dropped onto her dresser. There was a pause before the steps made their way back to the door, but no sound of the door closing. The steps made their way down the hallway before she heard her sister's voice and her eyes snapped open, finding her room empty and the door slightly open.

"Hey." Beth looked to the door but she couldn't see her sister, so she realized Maggie must be talking to Daryl. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard a grunt in reply.

"She's sleepin' already. Must be exhausted. Not that I blame her." Beth almost smiled to herself. Daryl knew without a doubt that she was awake and could probably hear this entire conversation. She could never fool him the way she had with Maggie.

Maggie's words were answered with silence, and the sound of her footsteps moved further into Daryl's bedroom.

"I just wanted to thank you, for bringin' her back. I can't believe she's been alive this whole time…" There was a weighted silence as Maggie waited for a response that wasn't coming. Beth found herself holding her breath too, wondering why Daryl wasn't responding. After a few more moments of silence, Maggie gave up and spoke again.

"You said that you know what happened to her…"

"Already told you. Ya gotta talk to Beth about that."

"I will." Maggie's voice sounded too confident. Like she was still trying to convince herself instead of Daryl. Beth felt her body tense at the thought of Maggie's questions. She was grateful that Daryl clearly hadn't told anyone what happened to her, but a small part of her almost wished he had. That she wouldn't have to see their faces when she revealed her true colors.

The sound of Maggie's steps made their way slowly towards the hall away again and then abruptly stopped.

"Does she know?" Her voice sounded hesitant, like she didn't want to ask and she didn't want to know the answer. Beth's curiosity piqued.

"Know what?"

"After the prison. The signs. And then after the church, going to DC?" Beth could detect something in her sister's voice that she rarely heard. Guilt. And it fed her interest. Daryl's hesitation in answering the question only made it worse.

"She didn't say nothin' and I didn't tell her." It was a quiet again for a moment before Maggie's steps picked up, this time leaving all together. Beth heard the front door of the house open and close, and she fought the desire to immediately ask Daryl what that was about.

She knew that Daryl was smart enough to know she wasn't asleep. He knew she had overheard that entire conversation. And he had proved time and time again that he knew Beth. He could anticipate her actions better than she could sometimes. So he knew it was only a matter of time before she asked him to explain.

But she decided that now wasn't the time. Maybe she just didn't want to know yet. The way Maggie had hesitated, it couldn't be anything good. And Beth had enough to deal with. An entire family dinner that would no doubt be filled with questions was now on her agenda, and she need to start coming up with some good avoidance techniques.

XXXXX

"Can you pass the peas?"

"Well what did you expect? You know how much she cares about making pasta."

"Definitely going to need to ask Deanna about that. She has all the plans for the expansion laid out."

"Come on, Dad! Please?"

The voices were constant, had been constant since Carol called them downstairs for dinner. Everyone arrived in small groups, and a bunch of small conversations kept up all night. It resulted in a solid amount of background noise that Daryl tuned out for the most part. It also meant he was able to sit quietly on the corner stool of the breakfast bar, unnoticed, and keep an eye on Beth.

Everyone had crammed around the dinner table. Everyone but him. They packed in close and she was sandwiched between Maggie and Carl. They took turns all night, talking at her and not realizing how little she was actually listening. Daryl wondered to himself how no one else could see how uncomfortable she was. How tense her body looked. Was he really that observant or had everyone else just become blind in this place?

Dinner had passed without event for the most part, and he took Asskicker so Carol could begin clearing the table. He couldn't help but smirk at Carol. Badass or not, she couldn't fool him. She really loved playing hostess and taking care of their family. He was bouncing Judith in his arms when it happened. The moment he had hoped they could avoid.

"So, Beth, tell us everything. What happened after that creepy-ass hospital?" Tara's voice floated across the table, louder than normal so Beth could hear her over all the other conversations going on. Of course, that meant everyone else heard it too. The constant stream of buzzing from earlier vanished, and the room became almost silent.

Daryl couldn't see her face, but he could see the tension in her body. He watched her breathing start to get quicker, and he knew this was the absolute last thing she wanted to get into.

"Don't matter." The words were out of his mouth before he decided to intervene. All eyes fell on him. Well, all eyes except for Beth's. He looked down at Judith and then connected with Rick's eyes. Asking for help in making Beth's past a taboo topic. Rick nodded back at him before speaking up.

"She's here now. That's all that matters." The eyes in the room shifted to Rick and most people nodded their heads in agreement. Rick smiled gently at Beth, and Daryl wondered what her face looked like in this moment. The tension had mostly left the room and small conversations began to pick up again, thanks to Carol asking Michonne something trivial.

"Beth," Daryl mumbled her name low enough not to call attention, but she heard it all the same. She turned around quickly in her chair, like she had been waiting for him to grab her attention. The second their eyes connected, he could see her anxiety, and he gestured with his head for her to join him in the kitchen.

She moved quietly, walking around the breakfast bar and following him behind the island. They were as far away from the dinner party as possible without outright leaving. Daryl turned to face her, leaning against the counter and holding out Judith.

Beth froze as she realized his offering and met his eyes, panic bubbling around the edges. Daryl noticed how Judith had been reaching for Beth all night. The baby remembered her. And damn well, Beth was practically her mom at the prison. But Beth had avoided holding her or touching her. And that was bullshit.

"Take'er," he pushed and gave Judith a little bounce. Beth shook her head, the same deer in headlights look on her face.

"I- I can't. I'm not-"

"You ain't what?" He challenged her, knowing she had no good ending to that sentence. Her mouth snapped shut and her lips pursed. "If I can hold her," Daryl took a step forward and pushed the baby into her arms. He gave Beth no chance to refuse. "Then you can hold her."

He moved his hands away from the baby and watched as Beth instinctually adjusted Asskicker to sit on her hip. She kept her face as far away from the baby as possible, and Daryl could easily read the fear on her face. Like she was waiting for Judith to reject her, to start screaming or crying. It was almost comical how ridiculous Beth was being. She should know Judith better than that.

Judith immediately patted her hands against Beth's cheeks, smiling and talking gibberish, before she snuggled her face into the crook of Beth's neck. Her tiny hands grabbed fistfuls of Beth's hair, like she knew Beth's turmoil and was determined to keep her here. Daryl watched Beth's face. He watched the panic and fear dissolve. She closed her eyes with Judith nestled against her and he could see her holding the baby a little tighter.

They stood like that for a few minutes, Beth gently rocking Judith in her arms, before she opened her eyes and locked onto his. The relief he could see was profound, but the gratitude directed towards him made him look away. He glanced back at her and nodded his head, acknowledging her thanks. In that moment, he was grateful they didn't need to talk to communicate. He wasn't sure he would be able to get any words out.

He knew it would be important, beneficial, for Beth to hold Judith. He figured it would remind her of the good person she was and help her see that was still inside of her. And the way she had avoided it all night had him thinking she knew it would be important too. But he never expected it to impact her like this. It was like holding that baby in her arms was rebuilding something.

She was confident in this moment, and it took Daryl seeing that confidence to realize just how unsure of herself she had really been. Since walking in here, he knew it was going to be rough. That she would be uncomfortable. But now he could see parts of Beth from the woods. The forest had become her comfort zone, the place where she felt most in control. She walked through the woods with confidence.

Holding Judith, having a reunion with the little girl she helped raise for so long, Daryl realized that Judith's approval was in some ways the most important to Beth. For Asskicker to welcome her back as if no time had passed and cuddle up to Beth like nothing had changed, it gave Beth another comfort zone within the walls.

She turned away from him, standing a little taller and walking with purpose. She made her way back to the table. He caught Rick's smile at seeing his daughter in her adopted mother's arms again, and he was about to smirk back when Beth's turned to Maggie.

"I'm not staying with you and Glenn. I'm going to stay here."

Shit.

"What? Why?" While Beth's voice didn't attract much attention, Maggie's certainly did. Daryl stayed back in the kitchen, preparing for the fight he could sense building.

"There's an open bedroom here. It makes sense." Beth added a shrug, trying to play if off like it was no big deal. And in reality it wasn't. But Maggie just got back her dead sister, and Daryl knew that she had expectations of the Old Beth. And Old Beth would have wanted to share a bed with Maggie when she first found her again. The two would have been inseparable. So this turn of events could send Maggie into a tail spin.

"Beth… You just got here. You should be with your family-"

"It isn't your decision to make." Daryl could hear the Greene stubbornness in the statement and it almost make him want to smirk. The finality of her words caught Maggie off guard, and he could sense the power dynamic of their relationship shifting.

"And I am with family here." Beth turned her head towards Carol and smiled slightly. But Daryl was watching Maggie, and he could see the disbelief plain on her face. He wondered if she was actually starting to see what was right in front of her.

XXX

Everyone was finally gone. Carol was cleaning the kitchen and refusing any help that Beth had offered. Daryl had walked outside when Rick left and had yet to return. Beth pictured him outside on the front porch, smoking and trying to stay outside as long as possible. And Beth was refusing to relinquish the strength she had gained from having Judith in her arms again.

She still hated being inside these walls, and she could see why Daryl wasn't exactly opposed to following her around the woods for a few weeks instead of being here. But it was getting easier to breathe inside their house. The walls weren't closing in yet and she could see herself making it through the night without running away.

Riding the wave of confidence that Judith had given her, she decided to find out exactly what Maggie has been talking about earlier. She was fully aware of how differently Maggie treated her after she announced she wouldn't be staying with her big sister. Almost suspicious of her. Beth had a feeling that she might have laid the seeds for a fight, so if there was something Maggie was hiding, now was the time to find out.

She made her way to the front porch, finding Daryl exactly where she imagined. Sitting on the steps with his back towards the front door and cigarette in hand. Only he wasn't smoking it, just rolling it between his fingers. She moved quietly to sit next to him. He didn't turn or look at her, keeping his eyes on the cigarette.

They sat quietly for a while, Beth taking in every detail of the neighborhood and trying not the let the overwhelming opportunities for threats to start a downward spiral. Daryl still wasn't smoking his cigarette and it was starting to make her nervous. Like he was waiting for something, and the anticipation was making her heart beat a little faster.

She turned her eyes to him, examining his face. He didn't look back at her, but he acknowledged her gaze by breaking the silence.

"You good?" Beth considered the questions for a while. Was she? Yeah, she wasn't having a panic attack and she wasn't about to climb the walls to escape at the first chance she got. But was she actually okay being here? Was she okay with her family just welcoming her back and not knowing anything about the person she was?

She looked down, away from his face and began staring at the sidewalk leading away from the steps instead. While her family being happy to see her was nice and all, it felt fake. She still felt like a stranger sitting at the dinner table, surrounded by a bunch of people who didn't really know her anymore. Yeah, her family had welcomed her back with open arms and smiles, but none of them knew what she did to get there. Would they have still welcomed her if they knew?

"I don't know." Her voice was small, even to her ears, and it had Daryl glancing at her. She shook her head, and remembered that she came out her to find out about her sister's possible faults, not to contemplate her own.

"What was Maggie talkin' about before?" She turned to look at him again and watched him exhale through his nose. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and finally lit that cigarette, taking a deep drag. Beth couldn't tell if she felt better or worse now that he had started smoking. But she knew that she was getting more worried about the answer to her question.

"You sure you wanna know?" They eyes met for the first time since they were in the kitchen together, and she was lost again in that stormy blue. She took a deep breath and felt herself relaxing at the narrowed eyes examining her. She nodded her head yes, knowing that as long as she had that blue she could survive whatever answer he gave her.

He waited a minute more, really looking at her and giving her a chance to change her mind. She could see how much he didn't want to have this conversation, but she waited patiently, giving him time. He nodded back at her a looked away, taking another drag and Beth grounded herself for whatever was coming.

"After the prison, Maggie got out with Sasha and Bob. Left a bunch of signs all over for Glenn, tellin' him to go to Terminus. Worked, I guess. Since they found each other," he looked down and shook his head. Beth could read through the lines. She knew what he was saying without actually saying it. But she didn't feel any shock or surprise.

"She thought I was dead," Beth summed up, and shrugged. The movement had Daryl looking at her sharply, anger so clear in his eyes and Beth felt the need to backpedal.

"It's okay, I get it. I mean, it's not like I was some survival expert. If I didn't get out with you, who knows what would have happened."

"Nah, you don't get it. I told her, when we were all in that fuckin' boxcar, that you were alive. It didn't matter. Still got on that damn truck to deliver a bullshit cure instead of-"

"What cure? What are you talkin' about?"

"Eugene. He convinced Abraham that he had some cure for all this shit and they needed to get to DC. Was all bullshit 'nd he just wanted protection. But after Terminus, in that church I told ya 'bout? Shit hit the fan when me 'nd Carol were lookin' for ya. When I got back with Noah, Maggie was gone."

Beth let the words sink in. It was still confusing and she had a feeling it always would be. So much had happened while she was gone. But knowing that Maggie gave up on her. Not once but twice. After she knew that Beth survived the prison. Well, that really sucked. Everyone had given up on her. Even when they knew she was alive. It didn't matter. Everyone except for Daryl and Carol, expected her to die.

She looked down at her hands, fingers still clean and white, and now she wanted to run. Now she wanted to climb those walls and get as far away from this place as possible.

"When I got back, after I found out where they were keepin' ya, we all went ta get ya. Everyone wanted to get ya back, Beth." His voice was genuine, but she shook her head. She knew that wasn't true.

"Who went to DC?" Her question was met with silence, and after a while she knew he wasn't going to answer if she didn't push. She looked at him, and she knew he was avoiding her eyes.

"Daryl. Who went to DC?"

"Eugene. Abraham and Rosita. Tara… Maggie and Glenn." So strangers who did know her at all, never met her once, and the two people who should have cared about her the most. Her sister and brother-in-law. Beth nodded her head. It made perfect sense when she thought about it. She made Daryl track their family for days after the prison, with zero proof that anyone was alive.

Why wouldn't they give up on her? Why would they believe in her? She couldn't help but wonder if they would look for her now. If they knew who she really was, the things she was capable of now. Would they look for her now? Would they believe she could survive now?

She nodded her head and stood up, turning to go inside. She made it up the stairs and to the door before he called out her name, but she kept walking. She had enough talking. Maybe enough for the rest of her life. There was nothing she wanted to hear right now.

She went straight up stairs and closed the door to the room behind her. Immediately, she opened both windows and laid down on her back. Staring up at the ceiling, she tried to force the numbness back. She tried to shut down her mind, pushing everything away and willing the haze to build. But it wasn't working. No matter what she tried to do, she couldn't find the doors in her mind.

At some point, she heard footsteps moving through the hallway. But she ignored it. It was one of the few things she could ignore. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get the images out of her head. She never considered it before, why Maggie wasn't in that hospital hallway. Why she wasn't standing there with Rick and Daryl and Sasha.

Now she knew.

Hours passed and unsurprisingly, sleep evaded her. She hoped it was just the house, the bedroom, and unfamiliar space with walls that kept her awake. She could feel her own exhaustion at the endless day gnawing at her. So much interaction had drained her emotionally, and the added rollercoaster of ups and downs had her body begging for relief that her brain refused to grant.

She made her way down stairs, taking off her shoes so her steps made no sound. The last thing she wanted was Daryl knowing she was awake and coming after her like she was trying to escape. She made it to the front porch and sat down, her back against the house, and put her boots back on.

The night air was quiet and calm, but not in the way she had hoped. It was too quiet, missing the sounds of the forest that she hoped would overpower her thoughts. The air wasn't as crisp, missing the scents of pine and earth. She was outside, but there were still walls. She wasn't trapped but she couldn't leave.

She wondered if she made the right choice, coming here. Maybe she was right, when she told Daryl in their cabin that they didn't have a choice in returning.

She realized that she did have a choice now. The choice to stay or go.

 _Author's Note_

 _First off, I am so sorry for the delay in updating this story. I hit a serious block and outlined the second half three times before deciding to say fuck it, lets just see what happens. That being said, I have no idea where this story will end up going so we are both just along for the ride. I really want to finish this one up asap - I have a pretty killer idea for another story that I am dying to start, but I am forcing myself to finish Find A Reason first. Thanks so much for reading and leave a review :) Next chapter will be coming at you this weekend!_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Early morning light washed into his room and he got out of bed, groaning as his joints popped. He grabbed his bow and opened his door, pausing as he looked at Beth's room. The door was open. It was closed last night before he went to sleep.

His brain immediately starting coming up with conclusions. She must already be awake. But if she was awake, he would have heard her leaving. Did she leave in the middle of the night? Maybe she was still inside. He took a few steps, closing his door behind him and glancing inside.

Empty. Bed still made but sheets disturbed, like she slept on top of them. Her bag still on the floor where she left it. She wouldn't have left without that, right? Trying to keep the panic at bay, he went down stairs only to find the house empty. Maybe she was at Maggie's? It made no sense, but where else would she have gone?

He went through the front door and down the steps so quickly, he almost missed the small shape sitting on the porch.

"Hey." Her voice was quiet, a little rough from disuse, but it was fucking music to his ears. He tried to cover up his panic, grunting in response, but his abrupt halt at the sound of her voice gave him away.

"Thought I left?" The corners of her mouth tilted ever so slightly and her eyes were so much warmer than when he last saw her. He snorted back, trying to conceal his relief. He walked back up the steps and leaned against the railing, taking in the dark circles under her eyes. She looked like shit.

"You stay out here last night?" She just shrugged and looked away, before meeting his eyes again. It was answer enough. He could tell she didn't sleep at all, and that didn't surprise him. He was shocked he had been able to without her in his sights. He had gotten so used to falling asleep with her next to him, or at least being the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes, that it took forever to get any rest.

"You busy?" He shook his head in response. What would be busy doing? He watched her stand up slowly, her body stiff from being in the same position for a while and Daryl wondered exactly how long she had been out here for. How did she manage to sneak past his room unheard?

"How about that tour then?" They made their way down the stairs and out into the street. It was so early that the place was empty and it was pretty quiet. The only sounds he could pick up on were the birds chirping and their boots against the pavement. They walked slowly, not in any rush, and he led them towards the gate. He figured that was the best place to start.

The air between them felt peaceful, more relaxed than it had been since they got here yesterday. Damn, it had only been a day since she got to Alexandria. It felt like more time had passed. Considering how little time she spent here, she seemed more comfortable in these moments than he expected. He didn't feel like disturbing that comfort, so he kept quiet and led her around the perimeter along the wall. He knew she was taking in every small detail, taking an inventory of the place and storing away questions for later. Right now, she didn't ask so he didn't offer.

He wanted to ask her about last night. If she was okay. If she was going to talk to Maggie. Normally he stayed out of family drama, but he was learning that his usual habits didn't matter when it came to Beth. And that realization brought on a feeling of unease, because he couldn't quite figure out what made her so different.

While they walked, he wondered what the next few days would hold. When the next run would be. When Aaron would have them head out again. He needed to talk to Rick, make sure that Deanna cleared Beth for the recruiting job. He also needed Beth to meet Aaron, and by extension Eric. He had a feeling she would like them. He hoped she liked them. But there was no telling nowadays how she would react to strangers.

He stole a quick glance at her and it hit him all over again that she was alive. It would happen every so often. The shock would feel brand new, like he was seeing her again in the woods for the first time. It was so impossible, but she was here. He remembered when Aaron first brought them to Alexandria. He looked around and thought that this place was what Beth had been talking about. He felt so angry that she wasn't here with them.

It made him want to laugh at the irony. Now she was here and they both wanted to leave. The hopeful girl that would have been so willing to give this place a chance was gone, and replaced with the dangerous creature next to him, taking in every detail of the walls and probably thinking of a million ways to escape.

She slowed next to him, before stopping completed and turning to face him. He took in their surroundings, noticing they were almost back to the gate, before meeting her eyes.

"Why did you bring me here?" Her voice was quiet, but the way she asked confused him. He just looked at her, waiting for her to explain.

"Why did you want me to come here? To Alexandria?" She looked at him so intently, like the answer wasn't obvious.

"Our family's here…" His voice trailed off, still confused. She looked at him for a few seconds and then shook her head.

"No. That's not the whole reason."

"It ain't?"

"No. Maybe at first that was why you wanted me to come here. But after a while…" She paused for a minute, considering her words carefully. Her forehead wrinkled as her brows dropped in concentration or confusion, he wasn't sure which. "You knew I was happy in the woods. We were both happier out there. So why are we stayin' here? Why did ya wanna to get me back here so bad, to a family that you knew didn't really care about me when I was gone?"

"They cared, Beth."

"Answer the question." He exhaled deeply, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this and trying to figure out what she wanted to hear. He looked away, at the town he dragged her back to, and considered what she was asking. Why did he really bring her back here?

They would have always come back, eventually. But she was right. They were both happier outside these walls. They could have waited longer before coming back, but he wanted to get her here as soon as possible. Back to her family as soon as possible. He thought back to being with her in the woods, wanting to help her but not knowing how. Thinking that if he could just get her back to Maggie, she would know what to do.

Then they found that cabin and everything started to change. She decided she needed to come here, and he didn't argue. Didn't try to talk her out of it, even though he knew deep down that she wouldn't want to be here. He looked down, finding the answer and knowing she didn't want to hear it. It felt like a betrayal. She made it clear from the start, she didn't want her family to expect her to be Old Beth. And here he was, about to explain that he dragged her to a place she didn't want to be, in the hopes her sister could change her back into the person she was. Fuck.

"Thought that Maggie could help you." He added a shrug and met her eyes. He waited for the betrayal to fill her eyes, the hurt and disappointment to come. But she didn't look angry, just thoughtful.

"Help me?" she prompted him. He shuffled a little closer to her and dropped his voice. He knew they were alone right now, but her past and what she had shared with him about her time out there felt like a secret.

"Look, you went through some serious shit," he paused, holding her eyes. "I dunno how to help you with that." He shook his head and took a step back. But she took a step forward, not allowing any distance between them. He saw the anger start to simmer in her eyes and waited for it to erupt.

"But you did!"

"Nah, not enough. You ain't okay with who ya had to become to survive." He watched her anger dissolve as she realized the truth of his words. "Me? I always been this way. Ain't always been a killer but I'm used to shit being fucked up. Can't help ya with that guilt you're carryin'."

"And ya thought Maggie could? She murder a bunch of people since I been gone?" He snorted at that, effectively breaking the tension and shook his head. He watched her hold back a smirk. She had a point there. Maggie probably couldn't help at all with what she was dealing with. But he knew someone that actually could.

"You gotta talk ta Carol." He watched confusion color her features, eyebrows dropping again.

"Carol?" He nodded.

"Trust me. Prolly tha best person ya could talk to." She looked at him for a while before nodding her head. They stood there for a minute longer before continuing their circuit around the perimeter. They both seemed content to get lost in their own thoughts.

A while had passed before Maggie's voice broke their continuous circling.

"Beth!" Both turned at her name and stopped, Maggie walking up to them. "I was lookin' for you! You had breakfast yet?"

Beth shook her head, and Daryl could see the ice creeping into her eyes at her sister's presence.

"Ya hungry? I was thinkin' we could go see Deanna, see if she assigned you a job yet." Maggie smiled easily, clearly unaware of the anger bubbling inside the younger Greene. Daryl just wondered if the explosion would come now or later.

"Job?"

"Yeah, she gives everyone around here job assignments. I was thinkin' 'bout askin' her if you could do somethin' with the kids or-"

"She has one already," Daryl cut in, hoping to spare Beth the anxiety of thinking she would be forced into a job she didn't want, forced into staying here. Both sisters turned their eyes to him, but he looked down at Beth. It felt like she was permanently confused this morning, the number of times her eyes held his and asked for answers.

"Oh, great. What is it, Bethie?" Maggie looked back to Beth for an answer, but Daryl spoke instead, keeping his eyes on Beth.

"Gonna be recruitin'. With me 'nd Aaron." Her relief was obvious, but only lasted a second.

"What? No. She just got here, she isn't goin' out there again. It's too dangerous. Let's go talk to Deanna and have her give you somethin' else to do."

"No." Beth finally looked at her sister again and the anger had returned at full force. "That's the job I want." Maggie paused for a second.

"You can't be serious."

"Why?"

"Beth, you shouldn't be goin' outside the walls. It ain't safe." Maggie spoke slowly, as if Beth had lost her mind. Daryl could see Beth visibly bristle at the combination of her sister's tone and words.

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child, Maggie. I got here. All the way from Grady. All alone. I know exactly what it's like outside the walls."

"Doesn't mean you should have to go out there again. You've taken enough risks. What if somethin' happens? What if you don't come back?"

"Then you and Glenn can hop on the next bus to DC. Make sure you send me a postcard this time." Maggie recoiled from the venom in Beth's voice, and her eyes jumped to Daryl. He dropped his head before glancing up at her through his hair. Maggie looked so guilty, and so unprepared for Beth's wrath, he almost felt bad for her.

"Beth-"

"Save it. I got somewhere to be." Daryl met her eyes and she gave him a slight nod before walking away. He hoped she was going to talk to Carol. He wanted to kick himself for not thinking of it sooner, but no one could help Beth more right now than her.

They both watched her walk away and as soon as she was out of earshot, Maggie turned her glare to Daryl.

"You told her?" Maggie's guilt was quickly shifting to betrayal and Daryl wasn't in mood for this shit. He shrugged back at her. It was pretty fucking obvious.

"Thought you said she didn't know?"

"Asked me 'bout it last night. You want me to lie to her?" Maggie looked at him closely, and he shifted his weight as her gaze became more suspicious by the second.

"What's goin' on with you two?"

"Wha?"

"Between you and Beth. What happened when you guys were out there?" Her question had genuinely confused him at first. He thought she knew that they both wanted to leave Alexandria. But when he heard the protectiveness in her voice, he froze. Maggie thought they were fuckin' around? His heart started beating double time and his stomach felt like it dropped down to his balls.

"Tha fuck, Maggie. Ain't nothin' goin' on," his voice came out loud and his words slightly rushed. He wondered his he sounded too defensive while he battled down an emotion that was too ridiculous and out of place to even acknowledge.

"You sure 'bout that?" She was calm. Too calm. And the suspicion had yet to leave her eyes.

"Pretty sure I'd remember fuckin' Beth."

"How come she won't talk to anyone else besides you then?" He could hear the hurt in her voice long before he could read it in her eyes. The panic started to fade and he started to feel bad for Maggie, knowing this isn't at all what she had anticipated when she saw Beth in that dining room yesterday.

"Listen, whatever you're thinkin' she went through out there, it was worse. Can't make it about you. Just gotta wait and let'er come to ya when she's ready." He watched Maggie's eyes start to fill with tears and she fought to hold them back. He worried if he had said the right thing. After a moment, she took a deep breath and nodded at him. She departed with a small smile, one that he knew was bullshit, and he watched her walk away.

The further she got, the stronger that moronic feeling grew, making his chest feel tight and his stomach queasy. Guilt? Why the fuck did he feel so goddamn guilty right now?

 _What's goin' on with you two?_

The words played over and over, like a record player on skip. Why the fuck would Maggie ask him that? He had walked her around the perimeter of the safe zone, not down the fucking isle. He knew that Beth talked to him more than anyone right now, but that wasn't saying much. Girl said less nowadays than he did. And it was just because he found her.

There was nothing going on. And that's what he told himself over and over.

But his traitorous brain brought back images of her shooting his bow, hitting his red rag dead center. The way she looked, strong and fierce. The way he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Pride swelling in his chest and mixing with something darker, something on the verge of animalistic.

He thought about the morning after they got drunk, waking up with her curled into his side and her face on his shoulder. He told himself that he stayed still and sat there just so she could sleep. It definitely had nothing to do with him liking the way she felt tucked against him. Liking the warmth coming off her body and the way she sought him out in her sleep.

Beth was the most important person in his life. He had figured that out a while ago, but never dared to ask himself why. He could lie, tell himself that she saved his life after the prison. That she was the embodiment of hope and goodness, and she was what motivated him to keep going when we wanted to give up. It was all true.

But it was also bullshit.

That's wasn't the whole story. Because if it was that innocent, he wouldn't feel guilty as fuck right now or like Maggie should still be reaming out a new asshole for him. She was so much more than just a beacon of light for his darkness.

There was a reason why he felt so protective towards her, more so than any other person in their family. There was a reason why he still carried her knife on his hip and why he couldn't sleep easily without her in his line of vision. Why he would leave their entire family right now without a second thought if she said she needed to run.

And as he stood there, finally facing the truth he had been denying for a while, he fucking hated himself. Beth Greene made him despise himself. How such a tiny, blonde girl could bring such self-loathing was beyond comprehensible. He hated himself for not protecting her, for opening that door, for letting her get taken and brought to the fucking hospital. He hated himself for not being able to find her, giving up and joining a bunch of assholes. He hated himself for not being able to see what she was going to do in the hallway, not being quick enough to stop her, letting her get shot in the fucking head. He hated himself for not feeling her heart beat, leaving her in a goddamn trunk, leaving her no option but to find her own way back here. For all the shit that happened because of his inability to look after her.

And now, he hated himself for wanting her. He wanted her and it made him feel like a sick, old man leering after a beautiful, young girl. And it wasn't about sex. He wanted everything that she was. He wanted every smile, every laugh, every single word from those lips. He wanted her warmth. The warmth in her eyes and the warmth from her sleeping body next to his. He wanted her light to shine into every single dark corner that he had. And he wanted every single demon that she was harboring, every ghost that was haunting her. He wanted everything.

Most of all, he hated himself for wanting something he could never have.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Beth made her way back through the small community towards the house she had claimed a room in. As she walked, she pushed away the conversation between her and Maggie. She had already come to terms with what her sister did. Her insomnia last night was at least productive in that regard. She spent all night thinking about the information Daryl had given her and tried to process it.

She felt hurt. She knew that she would never look at her sister the same way again. Sure, she would forgive her. Eventually. Beth knew there was no sense in holding a grudge, not with the way the world was now. But right now she was disappointed. Sad that her own sister thought so little of her. And she needed time to heal on her own. To adjust to the new shift in their relationship.

She never intended to talk to Maggie about her newfound knowledge. She didn't really see a point. It was in the past and confronting her sister wouldn't change anything. But Maggie's protective big sister act had that sadness transforming to rage quicker than Beth could blink. And before she knew it, the words were flying from her mouth and couldn't be unsaid.

However, that anger was stemming from an entirely different place. She wasn't angry at her sister for giving up on her. She was angry at Maggie for not being able to see the person she was now. For treating her like she was still a child. Maggie was acting like she was still in control of Beth's life. Thinking that she could just make decisions about Beth's job here, whether or not Beth was allowed to go outside the fences, it was all bullshit. It drove her nuts and she just snapped.

But oddly enough, Beth genuinely wasn't mad about the situation her family had found themselves in. She knew she could be, had a right to be, but it just wasn't important. They tried to forget about her and nothing could change that. True colors had been revealed and now she knew who she could trust. The people that never gave up on her.

She closed the door on her issues with Maggie as she approached the house, hoping the Carol would still be there. Maggie's talk about jobs had her realizing that she had no idea how everyone spent their day. Luckily, she found Carol in the kitchen.

"Morning. Did you eat yet?" Carol's voice was warm, melting any residual sadness or anger, and making Beth want to smile.

"Not yet."

"I figured," the older woman smirked at her. "There's pancakes in the oven. Take some before Daryl gets back here." Carol smiled at her and started making her way out of the kitchen. Beth had a feeling she was about to leave, and Beth didn't want to wait all day to have this conversation.

"Carol…" The woman turned and Beth's mouth felt dry. "Can I, uhm… Can I talk to you 'bout somethin'?"

"Sure, what's up?" Beth hesitated, unsure exactly where to start. Maybe she should have waited, took some time to consider how she should approach the conversation, instead of just diving in. Anxiety flooded her veins as she sat frozen in Carol's curious eyes. She could feel her breaths coming quicker as she realized what she was about to share, and she could feel the walls of the kitchen getting closer and closer.

"Let's go outside." She barely managed to get out the words before she booked it for the back door. It opened to a small patio area with some lawn furniture and a grill. The second she could see the sky above her, she felt her muscles relax. She knew Carol had followed her out and was just giving her time to start the conversation. Beth figured honesty was the best policy.

"Daryl said I should talk to you… 'bout some of the stuff that happened." Beth looked down at her hands. Her clean hands. Fresh start. "Bout some of the stuff I did." She turned and looked back at Carol, bracing herself for rejection or disgust.

Beth found neither. She didn't find much at all, in fact. Carol's expressed seemed extremely neutral, and Beth realized quickly that Carol was guarded right now. The expressionless face had Beth wondering what kinds of secrets the woman in front of her had.

They stood in silence for a moment, staring at each other and Beth wondered what they were waiting for. She made sure that her expression wasn't guarded, that her eyes weren't cold. For this to work, she knew she needed to be open and trust Carol. And she did trust her. She watched as Carol's eyes slowly changed, compassion just barely visible around the edges.

"Sit down," her voice was quiet and Beth exhaled silently. They made their way to the table and chairs, sitting across from each other, and Beth wondered again at how to start. She looked at Carol and saw how seriously she was taking this situation. How intently Carol was looking at her. This woman had become like a mother to Beth, and remembering that helped in loosening her tongue. Beth realized there was no right way to start this, so she just started talking.

"I, uhm, I really didn't want to come here." Beth dropped her eyes at the confession and looked at her white fingers instead. "Me 'nd Daryl were out there for a while before he got me here. At least a couple of weeks, not exactly sure how long." She paused, and waited for Carol to say something. But when she was met with silence, she looked up to find Carol waiting to catch her eyes again. Her face was still neutral, just a hint of warmth in her eyes, but it felt like something dark and heavy was hiding.

"Why?" It was a simple question, and Beth fought the instinct to drop her gaze again.

"I was scared. I am still scared. I'm not the same person that I was before. The prison, it feels like a whole 'nother lifetime. When I got out of Grady, I looked for you for a while. But then… I stopped. Daryl found me and I told myself that by stayin' away, I was protectin' ya'll from the disappointment of findin' the real me. That I would only hurt everybody by comin' back." Beth shook her head. She wanted to admit the truth. "But really, I was just afraid that when everyone found out what I did, found out who I had become, they wouldn't want me anymore."

Carol's neutral expression started to melt, her face coming to life again, and she almost looked like she wanted to smile. But Beth waited. Waited for her to ask what she had done. Waited for her to condemn her. It felt like Carol had become judge, jury and executioner in the last two minutes. It reminded her of when she would go to confession at church, waiting for the priest to sentence her. This felt exactly like confession, only she had barely nicked the surface of her sins.

"You can relax. I'm not going to ask you what happened."

"Why not?" Beth was genuinely confused. That was the whole point of this.

"Because whatever you did, both the good and the bad, it got you here. It got you back to us. And that's really all that matters."

"But I-"

"I killed Karen and David." Beth froze. Beth's confession turned to ash in her mouth as she processed Carol's words. She thought back to the prison, the flu that spread like crazy. She had wondered who took them out while she was locked up with Judith, but after the prison fell she never gave it a second thought. Learning it was Carol was shocking, and Beth knew it was reading on her face.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, making the tough decision that no one else wanted to. Protecting our family when no one else would step up. I'm not sure it made much of a difference in the end, but I killed them. I did that." Carol's voice held little emotion. It was strong and honest, but void of regret or embarrassment. She was just speaking facts.

Beth was quiet. She considered the human in front of her. Carol was so broken when they first met, coming to the farm a recent widow with a missing daughter. There was so much heartbreak and pain in her life. But Carol never gave up. She was resilient and eventually found her place in the group. Strong, willing to get her hands dirty, but always loving and nurturing. She easily became the den mother to the group, cooking and cleaning and keeping everyone in line.

And now, she was deadly. Dangerous to anyone who posed a threat, though no one would ever suspect her. Beth had looked up to Carol at the prison, in the same way a child looks up to their maternal figure. Looking to them for comfort and guidance. And maybe she was seeking those same things now, but Beth was looking up to Carol in an entirely new way. She was starting to understand why Daryl told her to come here.

"How did you deal with the guilt?"

"I still haven't," Carol laughed lightly but it was empty. "When there is always something to focus on, something else that needs your attention, it's easy to avoid it. But in a place like this, a place where people can slow down, it will catch up with you."

"Does everyone know?" Carol shrugged.

"Some do, some don't. After Terminus, it just wasn't important. I probably killed a lot of people trying to take out that place, too. But that was different." Carol was quiet for a second, like she was lost in her own memories. Then her face got very serious and she leaned forward. Beth found herself mimicking the action, listening intently as Carol's voice got a little lower.

"Now, Beth, you know what I did. Do you hate me? Are you disappointed that I'm here or do you wish you had never seen me again? Do you want to kick me out of here?" She was so serious in how she asked, but the questions were so ridiculous to Beth, that she laughed at loud. Leaning back, Beth shook her head and laughed some more.

"No, not at all." Carol smiled at her reaction.

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't matter," she answered immediately and when Carol smirked at her, she realized what she had just said. She considered her words for a second and really thought about why they were true. Yes, Carol did something terrible. But that didn't change how Beth felt about her. She didn't love Carol any less, and she was still so happy to have this woman back in her life. Her actions just weren't as important as having a family member back. Carol's words broke her train of thought.

"I don't want to make assumptions, what I'm pretty sure that whatever you did, you did it to survive." Beth nodded at her words. It was true, but it didn't necessarily help.

"I just keep thinkin' 'bout my Daddy. What he would think of me if he was still here." Beth looked down after speaking, ashamed at what her father might think of her, and Carol was quiet for a moment.

"Beth, if Herschel walked through those gates right now, would you care at all what he had to do to get here?"

"No." The answer was immediate.

"No. Because you know what it feels like to lose him." Beth saw Carol's hands slide across the table and she gently took Beth's hands into her own. Beth raised her eyes and Carol's had become significantly more watery. "That's how we all feel. We watched you die. No one gives a damn what you did to get here. All that matters is that you are here." Carol have her hands a squeeze before releasing them and Beth smiled at her, nodding silently.

"I mean, even if someone wasn't happy to see you, just the relief for Daryl and Maggie would be enough," Carol teased but Beth's eyebrows drew together.

"Daryl?"

"I haven't seen him that upset before. I think losing you was worse than Sophia or Merle. Honestly, he hasn't really been the same since." The wrinkles in Beth's forehead deepened as she took in what Carol was saying. Carol's words made sense but not with Beth as the subject. She knew they had been alone for a while, and there had been that candlelit moment, but she didn't for a second fool herself into thinking Daryl had returned the sentiment. She shook her head.

"Must'a just been from the prison, everythin' that happened. When we got out together, he was pretty angry for a while." That would make more sense. That he hadn't been the same since the prison, which could have easily been one of the worst days in their family's history. But Carol shook her head.

"It wasn't the prison, Beth. Watching you get shot, it changed him." Beth dropped her eyes and slid her hands off the table, tucking them into her lap. She felt shy all of the sudden, but she wasn't really sure why. And like Carol could sense the shift, she spoke again quickly.

"I'm not going to ask what happened with the two of you while you were out there. It isn't anyone's business. I'm just glad you found each other again." Beth nodded, lost in a daze of her own thoughts, and met Carol's eyes again. She knew she needed some time to think, and there was only one place she could do that. She nodded again, more firm this time, and smiled at Carol. She tried to let as much of her genuine appreciation into that smile as possible.

"Thank you," her voice was quiet and she knew those two words weren't enough to convey the peace of mind that Carol had given her, but it was all she could say at the moment. Carol smiled back and they both stood. Carol made her way around the table and gently hugged Beth for a second. The contact was still a little jarring, but Beth managed not to tense up.

When Carol released her, she looked into Beth's eyes and placed a hand on her cheek.

"Let me know if you need anything." Beth nodded and smiled, watching Carol take a step back and walk into the house.

Closing her eyes, Beth took a deep breath. She felt lighter, her chest wasn't so tight. Daryl had been right. Carol was exactly who she needed to talk to. But she ended up with much more information than she expected and her brain felt like scrambled eggs. There was so much that she needed to consider and process, and she knew she couldn't do that inside these walls.

She wasn't going to run, she just need to be outside. She needed to be in the woods, surrounded by the forest. She needed to feel free before she could even approach the idea of entertaining these thoughts. She would leave a note for Daryl, something to reassure him that she wasn't going anywhere, but she just needed to get out.

XXXXX

Daryl found Rick easily, knowing that he liked to have breakfast with Carl and Judith before leaving the house for the day. Daryl entered their place without knocking, manners being a thing of the past, and made his way into the kitchen. He saw the worry in Rick's face at his unexpected visit and gave a slight lift of his head to put the man back at ease. He leaned back against the counter, uncomfortable with where he was and what he had to talk to Rick about.

"What's goin' on?" Rick asked, still suspicious. Judith was in his arms, clapping and smiling at Daryl.

"Nothin'," he replied, turning his eyes towards Carl and nodding his head in acknowledgment. The kid was half asleep in his breakfast and Daryl wondered idly if he was having issues sleeping in this place too. Rick seemed to relax a bit more, but there was still an alertness to his movements. He knew that Daryl wasn't one for social calls, and he was waiting for the real reason to be revealed.

"Hungry?" Rick asked.

"Nah. When's the next run team headin' out?"

"Maybe a couple of days? Glenn was talkin' about potential areas, but no definite plans yet." Rick hesitated for a minute, looking at him closely. "You need somethin' specific?"

"No."

"Does Beth?" Daryl could feel himself bristle at the question. He wanted to snap back _how the fuck should I know_ , but he had to remind himself that there was no reason to be defensive with Rick. It's not like Rick knew Maggie was accusing him of sniffing around Beth, or that the accusations were more accurate than he cared to admit. Rick only asked him a question, one that made sense since Beth spoke to Daryl more than anyone else.

And it was a question that Daryl realized he had yet to answer. He glanced at Carl, wondering if his silence had drawn his attention, but it hadn't. Kid was still sitting there, practically a walker.

"Dunno," Daryl shook his head. As much as her name made him panic, Rick mentioning Beth saved Daryl the awkwardness of bringing her up himself. "Clear her job with Deanna?" Rick nodded.

"Yeah, she didn't seem all that surprised. Kinda makes me wonder how their talk went." Rick gave him a meaningful look, clearly asking what he knew about the very short interview Beth had with Alexandria's "leader." But Daryl merely shrugged. He didn't really care what Beth said to Deanna because he didn't really care if they stayed here or not.

"Thinkin' 'bout goin' out soon." He adjusted the strap on his crossbow, not really asking for Rick's permission but still wanting his approval.

"Hunting or recruiting?"

"Recruiting."

"You just got back yesterday…"

"Yeah, but I wasn't out there recruitin'."

"Brought someone back, didn't ya?" Rick smirked at him. "Might be the most successful trip you've been on." Rick laughed lightly.

"Seriously. You're not gunna top bringing back Beth," Carl said quietly with a tired smile. Rick laughed again as Carl got up and put his dishes in the sink. He took his sister from Rick's arms and made his way outside, and Daryl watched Rick watching his kids. The amount of love in his eyes, it always made Daryl uncomfortable. He looked away and shifted his weight.

Beth. He needed to get Beth outside of the walls. She made it clear to him this morning that she didn't want to be here but he didn't want her to give up on this place just yet. If he could get her outside of the walls again, maybe she would be okay with both. Maybe she could see that she can have both.

"Taking her with you when you go?" Daryl looked up to find Rick staring at him now. "Beth," Rick clarified when Daryl didn't answer right away.

"Yeah." After a second, Rick started doing that fucking cop thing that Daryl hated. It always put him on edge. The way that Rick would look at him and tilt his head slightly, like he could read every single thought in Daryl's head. Daryl fought the urge to look away, stubbornly holding his gaze.

"What?" Daryl snapped when he had enough of Rick's eyes on him.

"Nothin'. Just hoped you'd stick around for longer than a day…" Rick looked away and hesitated. "Is Beth…" Daryl went very still as Rick fumbled through his question. His heart was beating so loud in his ears and he waited for Rick to ask what Maggie had. They had been so in-sync, almost able to read each other's thoughts for a while know. Daryl was waiting for another round of accusations and wondered if Rick would believe him when he lied.

"Does she… not want to stay here? You think she's going to run?" Daryl tried not to let the relief or guilt show on his face, and he tried not to audibly exhale the breath he had been holding. He also knew this conversation wasn't over yet and Rick still had his cop face on.

Daryl thought about his questions. He knew the answers, but they weren't what Rick wanted to hear. And he didn't want to worry Rick into taking any action with Beth. No, she didn't want to be here. She said as much to him this morning. But he also knew she wouldn't run. She promised him that she wouldn't run from him. He wanted to believe that Beth Greene still kept her promises.

"She won't run. But that doesn't mean she won't leave." There was a heavy pause before Rick nodded his head.

"Listen, get her outside of the walls. Take her hunting, go recruiting, whatever. But keep it to day trips. At least for now. Come back here at night so Maggie will know Beth's alright. It will help keep her off Beth's back." Daryl nodded, and agreed that it made sense. Though he wasn't sure how much of an issue the older Greene would be after Beth's words this morning, anything that would minimize their interaction at the moment was welcomed.

"Thanks, man." Daryl started to leave, ready to find Beth and get outside the walls.

"Daryl," Rick's voice stopped him in the doorway to the kitchen. He looked over his shoulder, turning slightly. If Rick's smile put him on edge, then the next words out of his mouth had Daryl tumbling over it. "I'm really happy for you."

Daryl dropped his gaze almost immediately. There was no questioning what Rick meant, not with the way that Rick was looking at him. Daryl had been ready for accusations or shouting, maybe even getting kicked out of Alexandria altogether. He was prepared for a full-fledged Sheriff Grimes interrogation if Rick ever found out how he felt about Beth. But not for this. Just the simple acknowledgement had been so unexpected that Daryl was caught off guard. Rick slipped it in at the last second, just when he thought he was safe.

Daryl didn't nod his head, didn't say anything or meet Rick's eyes again. Just turned and left this time, booking it for the front door before Rick said anything else. His mouth felt dry and he could feel his stomach turning. While he was worried about Rick figuring out how he felt, he never actually expected it to happen this soon. How the hell could Rick know? They were always on the same page, but this was bullshit. Daryl just figured it out for himself this morning.

Did Maggie get to Rick's before him? He thought he had done a good job of convincing her there was nothing going on. And there wasn't! But Rick's knowing smile… It felt like Rick could see inside his head, and saw everything he felt for Beth. Including the shit he didn't even understand. How could Rick read all of that? Daryl had always thought he was pretty good at hiding his emotions. Except for anger.

It wasn't until he was out the door and half way down the street that he realized his lack of a response could be considered a confirmation of Rick's suspicions. Daryl's guilt, his own feelings of self-loathing, had paralyzed him. All he could think about was wanting to deny it and hating himself for being unable to lie to Rick's face. But with every step he took farther away, he could see what a mistake he made. He should have said something, anything, to make it clear there was nothing going on between him and Beth.

There wasn't. There never would be. Just because he cared about her more than he should, wanted her in ways that he shouldn't, didn't mean they were involved. And now that's exactly what Rick believed. Daryl was so caught up in thinking he had been found out, he didn't even ask Rick to clarify what he meant. But that's the problem with guilt. You become paranoid, believing that everyone knows what you did.

And now he was approaching their house, seeking out the person he should probably stay far, far away from. He could still hear his heart beat thrumming in his ears when he opened the door. He tried to calm himself down, remind himself that no one knew anything because there was nothing to know. He found Carol sitting at the dining room table, papers spread out across the surface and writing in a notebook. She looked up when he came in and smiled at him warmly.

"Beth upstairs?" He knew he was being short with her, but he just wanted to get Beth and get the fuck out of this place.

"No, she left." Carol dropped her gaze and went back to whatever the fuck she was doing.

"Know where she went?" Fuck, he didn't feel like trying to track her down all over this stupid community.

"Nope. She just went upstairs, got her bag and left." Daryl froze for a second. She got her bag? Fuck. FUCK! He sprinted up the stairs, hoping against all odds that Carol was talking about a different bag. Throwing open the door to Beth's room, his eyes immediately fell to the corner of the room where she had been keeping her backpack. Empty. When a quick scan of the rest of the bedroom revealed nothing, he knew it.

She left.

He was down the stairs and outside faster than he thought possible. So much for her not running.

* * *

 _Thank you so much for all the reviews! Lemme know what ya'll think :)_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The gates closed behind her and she felt like she could actually breathe again. She didn't realize how tightly her body was wound until she heard the metal clink and relaxed. It felt so amazing to be free that she could feel the smile trying to break across her face.

But being outside and alone, she knew her defensive mask was slipping back on to her face. So while she felt lighter and happier, she also felt her control locking into place and building an armor around her. She looked around and moved on to the grass off the pavement. She told Daryl that she would leave him a trail in her note, and she didn't want him to worry. She walked along the wall, past the few scattered houses until the woods opened before her.

She made sure she kept track of the sun and her direction, even though she would probably just follow her own tracks to return. After a few hundred feet, she took deep breath of the wild air. This was where she wanted to be. Sun filtering through the trees, the sounds of the forest around her. She felt her soul being cleansed.

She embraced the clarity that came with being on familiar ground. She knew the threats out here, she knew how to handle herself. And allowing her brain to relax into familiar territory meant she could start to process the past 24 hours.

Carol had made things seem so simple, so obvious. Beth almost felt stupid when she looked back for believing that her family wouldn't want her. She had been honest with Carol, more honest in some respects than she had even been with herself. She had admitted things openly and it felt so good to get it off her chest.

Everything she thought she would say, all the terrible things she had done and the person she had become, none of that ever came up. Nothing was revealed. And Carol really had helped her see that it didn't matter nearly as much as she had convinced herself. Beth wasn't completely healed. But she no longer held the weight of her family's impending judgement or rejection.

The more Beth thought about it, the more she began to see her actions, her survival, as an empowerment. She considered what Carol had told her, the confession about killing Karen and David. Beth's immediate reaction, besides shock, was to see Carol as strong. Dangerous. Perhaps misguided, but Beth didn't look at her actions as grounds for dismissal. Rather, she now saw Carol as even more of a survivor. Nothing would stop her from protecting her family. And Beth could respect that.

She hoped that she was like Carol. That her actions could be perceived as strength by her family. And they should be. Beth never doubted that she had grown or that she was strong, but just that her family would reject this version of her in favor of the Old Beth. The Weak Beth.

 _I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie._

The words floated through her mind, and she thought back to how she felt in that moment. Frustrated at her own weakness. Wondering what all those women had that she didn't, what it felt like everyone in her family had that she didn't. Trying desperately to make Daryl see that she was important. That she mattered.

Daryl.

There was no more avoiding it. There was nothing else that needed to be focused on. He had gotten her back to Alexandria. His job was done. Any obligation to her was over the second they walked through the gates and she was back into Maggie's arms. That's how she imagined it would be if he had found any one else out there.

But that's not what was happening and Beth couldn't figure out why. Was he just doing all of this out of obligation? She tried to imagine him saying no to anyone in their family and she couldn't really picture it. He was always willing to do whatever needed to be done. Granted, she couldn't picture anyone seeking out Daryl when they needed emotional support. But would he really deny anyone in their family anything they needed? Maybe that's all that this way. Just a family allegiance.

Carol's words shot down that theory quickly. _Honestly, he hasn't really been the same since._ Not since she had been shot. She knew that Daryl had carried her body, he had told her that much. She imagined if the shoe was on the other foot, if she had watched him die. She winced at the image and pushed it from her mind.

Guilt. Daryl was no stranger to taking on every single responsibility he could. And then blaming himself when everything went wrong. He could always find a way to twist around any situation so that the fault would lie with him. The governor, the prison falling, Grady. Every single thing was always his fault.

If he blamed himself for her getting taken, then everything that resulted after that would also be his fault. Including her getting shot. He hasn't been the same since because he thinks it was his fault. And now, him hand-holding her emotional re-build was just driven by his guilt. His willingness to stay out in the woods with her, following her around Alexandria, offering to leave with her if she ever wanted. It was all just his guilt talking.

She knew that Daryl was insecure. That much would be obvious to anyone. He clearly didn't think much of himself and had a completely inaccurate sense of self-worth. It wasn't surprising to her that he would do all of this because he felt like he deserved it. Maybe helping her was some type of self-inflicted punishment. It didn't make any sense to Beth, considering how many times he had saved her life. You'd think he would just call it even.

But maybe…

Images of a candlelit conversation, right before and right after everything in their lives had been turned upside down for the millionth time. Eye contact that she couldn't break, even when each second felt like a year and it was impossible to breathe. The way she felt when she realized Daryl found her, falling into his arms and burying her face into his neck.

No. She immediately stopped that train of thought. This was Daryl. And she was Beth. No matter how much she had changed, she would always be Beth. She would always _just_ be Beth. And Daryl would never look at her like that.

She knew what she wanted deep down. She knew what it meant when his eyes were the only thing she couldn't block from her mind during her self-imposed numbness. It started building in her the second he agreed to follow her on a mindless mission to find her alcohol instead of shelter or food or their family. He was handsome and strong, and with every layer that Beth peeled back, she found herself liking the man underneath even more. Childish attempts at trying to force him to open up. Break downs and moonshine, hunting and tracking, serious piggybacks and redneck brunches. Things between them changed for her before sitting down to write that thank you note or getting up to throw him his crossbow.

Then she was just gone. Fighting to survive has a way of rearranging priorities. He was always there. Getting back to him was always a motivating factor. Until her hands were so dirty and bloody that she couldn't even recognize herself, and disappearing was the only thing she could fathom.

When he first found her, just trying to clear the haze was enough to focus on. It wasn't until they found that cabin that she allowed that part of herself to defrost. She acknowledged he was important to her, the most important to her, and that didn't come from her having a schoolgirl crush on the bad boy in town.

It came from everything she learned about him, every small piece he shared with her. All the amazing things he had done for their family with zero expectation of acknowledgement. It was the gentle side, the soft part of him that he thought he hid so well. His willingness to be whatever she needed. That willingness had sparked a hope that would always live inside Beth. New Beth. Old Beth. It didn't matter – she would always have hope for something living somewhere inside of her.

And now, realizing that was all just guilt making him act this way, it made her sick. Her stomach turned and she could feel tears starts to burn her eyes. It felt like a betrayal. She knew that was stupid and she was just trying to blame him for her own blindness. She had been believing this whole time that she was something special to him, never making the decision to think it but letting her subconscious run wild in the background. But the possibility of anything happening was just as improbable now as it was before.

Finally facing it, she was glad she had come out here alone to think things through. It was embarrassing enough to know she had been fooling herself without even knowing it, but to even imagine having this epiphany anywhere near him would have been unbearable.

The truth was she loved Daryl. She had loved him for a long time, as a part of their family. As someone she looked up to and someone who protected her. And then that love changed into something she had known would never be reciprocated. She had known it way back then and never even entertained the idea of ever having more. Sitting in a funeral home kitchen, she knew that it didn't matter if she changed his mind or not. That was okay then, she didn't need any more than just having him in her life.

But now, she wouldn't have him hanging around her because of a self-inflicted guilt that was total bullshit. She didn't want every nice thing he said to her, everything he did for her, to come from a place of guilt. That was worse than if he never spoke to her again. She didn't need his pity. And she definitely didn't need him to be fueling any hopeless fires within her.

Coming back to her body, she realized how exhausted she felt. The emotional rollercoaster of the past few days, combined with getting no sleep last night was wearing on her. She slowed her pace and kept her eyes peeled for trees with low hanging branches. She brought her backpack and hammock in the hopes of getting some sleep while she was out here, even if it was the middle of the day. A few hours was better than nothing.

Finding her tree, she shut her brain off. Climbing and setting up took a little longer than usual since it had been a while, but soon she was tucked under her tarp. She felt her body start to relax, exhaustion starting to claim her.

Her last thought before she drifted off was of deep blue eyes.

XXXX

 _She squeezed her eyes closed, praying to God that he would end this. Praying to anyone that would listen to save her, help her. Maybe if she could just finish this prayer, someone would come. But every time she felt his disgusting cock hit the back of her throat, she would gag and tears would stream from her eyes, stealing her focus. She knew if there was anything in left in her stomach, she would have puked everywhere by now._

 _She tried to hold her breath, not wanting another one of her senses to be violated by him. But her with mouth full, she had no choice but to breathe through her nose. Every inhale was repulsive._

 _His fingers pulled at her hair, forcing her head back and forth. She could feel the strands ripping. But it wasn't as bad at last night. Knowing she had no choice, she put up less of a fight. It saved her hair from being ripped out, but only made her more disgusted with herself._

 _The instinct to bite down, to snap her jaw shut, was almost impossible to resist. The last thing she wanted was his blood in her mouth. But she didn't want any part of him in her mouth and here she was. Choking and gagging and wondering if she would survive this round of torture or not. Just because she closed her eyes didn't mean the gun wasn't still pointed at her._

" _Beth." He moaned her name and she wanted to die. She wondered if her Daddy could see her right now, if he was up in heaven watching this. Why wasn't he helping her? Why was no body coming to save her? She didn't deserve this. What had she done to deserve this?_

 _More strands gone, another moan, more tears and snot running down her face. Maybe it would be better to just end it now. Bite down, let him shoot her, end this whole fucking mess of a life. What was she even living for at this point?_

" _Beth!"_

Vibrations up the tree startled her awake, but she could still feel the ghost of him choking her. She could feel the bile rising up her throat and sat up quickly, swallowing it back down and catching her breath.

"Tha fuck, Beth!" Another weak vibration up the tree. "Don't make me come up there!"

She knew that voice. She rolled her eyes and pull back the tarp, not at all in the mood to be berated by him right now.

"What?!" She shouted down over the side of the hammock, looking down and finding him holding a rather large stick in his hands. That explained the vibrations. Looking around and judging the shadows, she had only been asleep maybe 30 minutes.

"Thought you weren't runnin' no more. Thought I told ya to tell me if you wanted to go and WE would go!" He whipped the branch in his hands into the woods and started pacing back and forth. His anger was at a level Beth hadn't seen in a while, especially for being completely unjustified. Pulling herself from the hammock, she quickly made her way down the tree, waiting until her feet were on the floor before turning to face him.

"What are you talkin' about runnin'? I left you a note tellin' you exactly where I'd be and that I'd leave you a trail to find me just in case." She tried to stay calm, but his anger was only feeding her own.

"Wasn't no fuckin' note. All your shit was gone. If you weren't plannin' on runnin' then why did ya take all your shit?" He had stopped pacing and approached her, pointing a dirty finger in her face. She raised her head defiantly, knowing he would never lay a hand on her no matter how angry he was.

"So I could get some sleep! I can't sleep in that place and I doubt thats gunna change anytime soon. And you mustn't have looked too hard since I left it right on your bed!" He took a step back from her, his anger halting as confusion swept across his features.

"Why won't that change anytime soon?" She stared at him like he was crazy, raising her eyebrows after a minute.

"Buildings? Walls? Strangers? Any of this soundin' familiar?" He at least had the decency to look a little sheepish, dropping her gaze. But after a beat, he shook his head and met her eyes again.

"But the cabin… You were fine."

 _Because you were with me._ She bit her tongue to stop the words from coming out. She didn't need to give him another reason to follow her around when it was the last thing he wanted to do. Her earlier thoughts came back to her and she remember this was just his guilt talking. The same guilt that had forced him into doing so many things that he had zero desire to do. It re-sparked her anger and she shook her head at him.

"That was different," she bit out, turning to climb back up the tree and retrieve her belongings.

"Why?" She could hear his voice moving closer to the base of the tree but she ignored him. She rushed through breaking down her bed, haphazardly packing her bag. She just wanted to get away from this conversation.

"Beth." His voice made it clear he wasn't going to let her off the hook, but he would just have to deal with it. There were plenty of questions he never answered. And she was never going to admit that having him around made it easier to breathe, easier to sleep.

She finished stuffing the hammock into her bag and threw it onto her back. Quickly and carefully, she climbed down and landed softly on the balls of her feet. She moved to leave but he was there, blocking her way. When she tried to step around him, he snaked an arm around her waist, pushing her backwards until she was trapped between him and the trunk of the tree.

She waited for the panic to come. She waited for her brain to turn off and her body to lash out at being held here, somewhat against her will. But it never came. Maybe because she knew that she could escape this position if she really wanted to. Maybe because she trusted Daryl implicitly. Regardless, she knew that her quickened breathing had nothing to do with her past and everything to do with the man blocking her exit.

"Why was it different?" She looked into his eyes and was lost for a second. The deep blue swallowing her whole and pulling her under. He was looking at her so intently, remnants of anger lingered around the edges but there was something much more prominent that she could see now. He was pleading with her. His eyes were begging her for something, but it took her a second to figure out what.

Freedom. He wanted to be free of her. It was the only thing that made sense. The only thing that she could possibly have the power to give him that he would want. How her answer to his question would relieve him of that, she had no idea. But she was done with Daryl torturing himself like this. She shook her head.

"It doesn't matter. You did your job. You got me to Alexandria. Back to Maggie. You can leave me alone now." She maintained eye contact with him while she spoke, so she watched as her last words made his eyes go hard. The way he recoiled away from her like she had hit him. It was still for a second. Then his anger was back full force.

"Tha fuck-"

"No." She took a step forward, forcing him further back. "This debt you've been carryin' around? It's over. Whether or not you believe me when I tell you that nothin' that happened to me is your fault, I can't control that. But I'm done havin' you follow me around just because you feel guilty. Let it go. I didn't need a chaperone before and I don't need one now." His lack of an immediate response gave Beth the window she needed and she walked away, following their footsteps back.

After a while, she heard him start to follow behind her but she resisted the urge to turn around and check. She was done with this situation. It was over, just like she said. Daryl was free from his self-imprisonment of being her babysitter and that was that. They could go back to barely talking like they did at the prison. While the idea made her chest tighten painfully, it would be better than having him around and knowing he didn't really want to be there. This was for the best.

She could feel his eyes on her while they walked back, like a heavy weight pushing her forward. It made the skin in between her shoulder blades itch and she wanted to shout at him to stop looking at her. But she knew how childish she would sound, so she walked faster, knowing the second they were inside the gates they would go their separate ways.

It felt like forever, but eventually they began walking along the wall and the few surrounding houses came into view. She could hear him getting closer to her, closing in on her, and she fought the urge to run just to maintain the distance between them. As the road and gate came into view, his hand closed around her elbow and he quickly spun her around.

The second that he had turned her, he released her arm and took a step back. She was nervous to meet his eyes, but that didn't stop her from looking up and acting like this brief pause was the biggest inconvenience imaginable. When she locked onto his gaze, the frustration she found there kept her quiet. He looked angry, but not like before. Not with her. She could read easily that he was angry with himself. There was the slightest bit of hurt before his eyes went cold.

They stood there for a moment, silently measuring each other up. She waited, refusing to speak and not knowing what she would say anyways. He had stopped her, so she knew there was something he wanted to say. But as the seconds ticked by, she watched his anger and frustration start to fade. What replaced it was enough to make Beth feel sick.

Disappointment.

It got harder to keep her eyes on his. She wanted to look anywhere else, but she stubbornly refused. After what felt like a lifetime, he shook his head and took a step back.

"It wasn't guilt, Beth." His voice was quiet and that was more alarming to her than when Daryl was shouting.

"Then-"

"Not guilt." He turned and walked away, melting back into the forest with every silent step.

"Daryl!" She called out to him and knew that he heard her, but he just kept walking. She took a step forward, ready to chase after him but froze. What would she say? It was clear he didn't want to hear it anyways, otherwise he wouldn't have walked away just now.

Maybe he didn't feel guilty, but now Beth sure did. She took a deep breath and turned around, making her way back towards the gate. She had no idea what just happened. All she knew was that she felt responsible for fixing whatever went wrong. She went from feeling in control to feeling helpless in a single second. Thinking about the disappointment in his eyes made her feel desperate to replace it with something else. Something better.

All she could do now was wait for him to get back, and pray that it was soon.

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Thanks for all the reviews and love, I appreciate it more than I can say!


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Daryl sat there, his back resting against the base of a pine tree, and delayed the inevitable. The sun was hovering just over the horizon and he knew he should really get back. Hell, he should already be back. But still, he sat there, in same place he had been for at least an hour. For no other reason than being a coward.

He kept hearing her voice calling his name, over and over in his head. Walking away from her was nearly impossible, but his need to run was strong enough to overpower anything in that moment. Grabbing her elbow and spinning her around, he had been fueled by anger and ready to lash out at her again. No idea what he wanted to say, but he just knew that he needed to finish their conversation before getting back inside the walls.

Maybe he would have told her what a fucking idiot she was. Maybe he was going to just push her farther away than she already was. He knew what it looked like when someone was trying to distance themselves, he was a pro at it. Or maybe he would have thrown accusations at her like she had done with him. He hadn't decided what he would actually say, even as his hand was wrapped around her arm.

And then he was looking into her eyes. All those words that had been burning their way up his throat turned to smoke and vanished with every exhale. Her eyes told him so much more than he expected. They were defensive and raw with a vulnerability she didn't want to reveal. She really believed everything she had said back there. She wasn't just pushing him away or trying to hurt him.

She thought he only cared about her to the extent of his own guilt. And sure, he harbored plenty of guilt for everything that went down. But she was so much more than that. Even though Daryl wasn't big with words, he thought it was pretty clear that he cared about her. All the shit they had been through together, how could she not see that he cared?

The way that they had grown to communicate, they were past the point of needing words. They had gotten to be so in-sync, able to read each other so clearly sometimes. How could she have missed something so obvious? And to chalk it up to guilt? Did she really think so little of herself or did she just really think he was that big of an asshole?

All he could do in that moment was just let her know she was wrong. She had to know she was wrong. And he knew she would dig, wanting answers he wasn't ready to give. He might never be ready to give those answers. But she had to know she was wrong. So he told her and ran.

He circled around and then followed her tracks. He wanted to make sure she wasn't following him and that she had gone back to Alexandria. When all signs pointed to the latter, he lost himself back in the woods. He just wanted to turn everything off, needing to escape the confines of his own mind for a while.

Hunting had always been that escape and the forest had a way of grounding him. So he wandered around all day, telling himself he was hunting but really he was just walking in circles. His mind kept playing her words on repeat, making it impossible to focus on anything. He eventually gave up, headed back towards the gate and now, here he sat. Within sights of the community but stubbornly refusing to go inside and face the music.

He knew she would be waiting for him. Well, he didn't know that for sure but he had a feeling that this wasn't over. She wasn't going to sweep this under the rug and he didn't want her to. She needed to know that he wasn't acting out of guilt. He just had no idea how to express that without revealing more than he wanted to. She could never know how he felt about her.

Beth Greene could never find out and for so many reasons, the list felt endless. But primarily, it was pointless. And her finding out could only create turmoil in their relationship.

He looked up again and the sun had officially began setting. He was out of time. Spent all day out here and he still had no idea what to say to her. Typical Dixon fashion. He pushed himself to his feet and stepped out of the tree line to the road. The walk towards the gate was short and he tried to slow his heart.

Maybe she wouldn't want to talk to him period. She could still be angry with him. She could be planning to ignore him and pretend that he doesn't even exist. He had no idea. Maybe she wouldn't even be home. She might have taken her single backpack and decided to stay with Maggie from now on. His brain was running so wild with all the possible scenarios that he was about to walk into, he was approaching their house before it should have been possible.

Tightening his grip on his crossbow strap, he schooled his features into a calm mask. Aside from chewing the inside of his cheek, he tried to appear relaxed. A small figure came into view, sitting on the ground in the corner of the front porch, and he hesitated mid-step for half a second. He knew it was her and he knew she was waiting for him.

He dropped his gaze and continued his death march, steeling himself for whatever she was about the throw at him. A part of him was just relieved she was still here at all. Taking a deep breath and heavy exhale, he made his way slowly up the steps of the front porch, pausing at the top and finally looking over at her.

She looked so small, long limbs tucked into herself and sitting in a tiny ball. Her blue eyes were so big, looking up at him from under her lashes and he was shocked at what he found there. She looked guilty. And nervous. This was not at all what he had been expecting.

"Hey." Her voice was quiet and hesitant, like she was testing out the waters. It was weird to hear her voice sound that way. He stared at her for a second, wondering when she had last sounded so unsure of herself. He could easily see the anxiety on her face, and it relaxed him to know that she was letting him see that. Whether she had consciously made the decision to be open around him or not, he wasn't sure. But her face wasn't the cold, blank mask she reverted back to around others.

After a minute he made his way over to her, approaching slowly. He was sure his movements were as hesitant and unsure as her voice sounded. But then he caught the relief in her eyes and threw caution to the wind. He took off his crossbow and leaned it against the house, within arm's reach of course. He sat down slowly to the right of her, leaving about a foot between them, and stretched his legs out in front of him.

He ducked his head, keeping his eyes on his hands in his lap, and he waited. He knew they were both feeling the same anticipation of whatever this conversation would be, but the air around them remained calm. He didn't really know what to say to her, if he should apologize for freaking out and yelling at her, maybe apologize for running away from her. Ask her why she would ever think his only motivation was guilt or why she could sleep in their cabin but not Alexandria.

Thinking about it, there was plenty he should say. But he kept his mouth shut and tried to just enjoy the way his body seemed to naturally relax when he was near her. He didn't realize how tense his body had become. Sitting next to her and feeling his back muscles release, he wondered whether it was just the anxiety of their last conversation or the fact that this was the first time they had spent an entire day apart that had put him so on edge.

"Was startin' to get worried…" Her voice drew his eyes to her face, and he stared at her until she looked over to see his raised eyebrows. Anyone worrying about him being out there for a day was silly and she knew that. She smiled sadly and shook her head at his face.

"That you weren't comin' back," she clarified and looked down, embarrassed. What was with her assuming the worst from him?

"Wouldn't leave here without you." Her head snapped back up and her eyes narrowed at him. He wasn't sure where those words came from, but he knew they were true. No way would he ever leave Alexandria without Beth.

She looked at him so intently, searching his eyes for something he couldn't identify. But he let her look, taking the time to study her features. He watched different emotions pass through her, trying to identify them and wondering if he was right. Disbelief. Suspicion. Curiosity. They all morphed into one another until her eyes pinned him with something he couldn't name, something that made his heart pick up and had him biting the inside of his cheek.

She looked hopeful and nervous. Determined and resolute, but scared. She looked at him like he had something she wanted, had the power to give her something important. And he knew exactly what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth. It made him want to run, but her eyes had him frozen in his spot.

"Why?" Such a small, simple word, but it was spoken with the strength of a steel wall. She wanted an answer, and she wasn't going to stop until she got one. It was laced with just enough desperation that Daryl knew there would be no hiding from it. Even if he got up right now and walked away, she wasn't going to let this go. Beth was like a dog with a bone when she wanted something. That stubborn Greene blood ran through her veins and Daryl could feel himself starting to panic at what his face could be revealing.

"Ain't got nothin' to do with guilt. That what you think of me?" He deflected, hoping to buy some time. Maybe distract her by turning the conversation around on her. And honestly, he wanted to know if she actually thought that little of him. She looked guilty all over again and her eyes were begging for forgiveness in the same way that a kicked puppy looks at its abuser. He started to feel sick for putting that look in her eyes again.

"It was the only thing that made sense. The only thing that could possibly explain why you've been lookin' out for me like this."

"It aint." He said it quickly and with a sense of finality, hoping to close the subject. He knew she wouldn't be deterred that easily, but he had to try.

"Then why?" Again with that word. And all he could think about was how beautiful she was, sitting here beside him with the orange sunset highlighting her features. She was a fucking angel that came back from the dead and that would never be something Daryl could touch. People like her weren't meant for the likes of him. He shook his head at his own stupidity for getting into this situation.

"I dunno." He shrugged and dropped his gaze again. He heard her quiet exhale and wondered how long it would take before she realized he wasn't going to answer her. Shouldn't she know this already? He wasn't good with words and he never would be. And Beth had always been able to read through his bullshit and silences.

He saw her pale fingers reach across her body and come into his space. He froze, sitting completely still as he watched them slowly inch closer. Her fingers were almost graceful, approaching him slowly but confidently. She was giving him a chance to move, to avoid her, but he was rooted to the floor.

The tips of her fingers made contact with his jaw and his eyes closed. Softly, they trailed along his face, grazing his neck on their way up to his cheek. He exhaled slowly, registering afterwards that he should be embarrassed at how shaky he sounded. But he didn't care, all he could think about was her skin against his. Her fingers felt like they were burning him, leaving small fires behind as they moved back down the side of his face. Reaching his chin, she tugged gently. His eyes opened as she turned his head, forcing him to face her again.

Her eyes were pleading with him, and her mouth was open to ask him that fucking word again. He knew it, and he waited for it to come but it never did. When their eyes connected, he watched the question die on her tongue. She sat there, staring at him like a lamb caught in a wolf's gaze, and he knew that his eyes were revealing too much. That their ability to read each other so seamlessly had her flipping through his pages, learning every secret he tried to keep hidden.

Recognition dawned in her eyes and for a second, he was thrust back in time. The glow that lit her face came from candles instead of the setting sun and it was a different question she had asked, but the answer was every bit the same. The intensity of the moment wreaked havoc on his heart and he was sure he had crossed a line, let too much slip. But this time there was no sound alarm to interrupt the moment, no soft "oh" falling from her lips. Just four blue eyes and her fingers still lingering on his jaw.

Something he could only describe as affection started to fill her eyes, and she smiled at him softly, shyly. Her fingers moved against his jaw, caressing him softly, and he knew he needed to break the moment. They were teetering into dangerous ground and he was getting stupid ideas from the look in her eyes. He reached up and grabbed her wrist gently, removing her hand from his face.

Her smile vanished, and just as quickly as the warmth had appeared in her eyes, it was gone. Replaced instead with fear and anticipation. Her shoulders rounded, her body slowly closing in on itself as she waited for the rejection that she clearly thought was coming. Watching her start to go cold, it made his chest tighten painfully. He never wanted her to look at him like that, and watching the transformation happen felt like a punch to the gut. He squeezed her wrist, trying to reassure her, and he lowered her hand down.

Dropping her gaze, he looked down at her tiny hand, slender wrist encased in his own dirty fingers. Keeping a loose grip on her, he used his other hand to tug down the material of her sleeve and expose what he was looking for. The silver scar, shiny and raised, ran across her skin. Slowly, he rubbed the pad of his thumb over it and heard Beth gasp at the contact. The sound naturally tried to draw his eyes, but he was too nervous to meet her gaze again. Instead he focused on her wrist, watching the scar disappear and reappear as he traced his thumb lightly over the surface, back and forth. He wanted to touch all her scars, run his fingers gently over her face. He wondered where the hell that thought came from.

It was peaceful and he didn't know how long they sat there for. Just trailing his thumb over her raised skin, barely feeling her pulse below the surface. The air around them was calm, and Daryl couldn't find it in himself to panic yet. She had to know. His eyes must have given him away. She figured it out back in that funeral home and she figured it out now. So why was she still sitting here? Why hadn't she pushed him away yet, been repulsed by the desire in his eyes? He knew that it was coming, it had to be. But for now, she was letting him touch her skin while the world darkened around them. He wasn't in any hurry for this moment to end.

"Daryl…" Her voice was low and quiet, but he could detect the hesitation easily. Another question was coming and he didn't know if he could handle giving away any more secrets.

"If you ask me 'why' one more time, Greene…" His empty threat trailed off and she giggled softly. The instinct to look at her, to see her smile, was too strong to resist so he finally lifted his head. He wasn't disappointed. Her eyes were so bright, so full of light, he found himself wishing she would never stop smiling. He wanted to be in the receiving end of that smile for the rest of his life. He'd do anything to keep her smiling like that.

"No, I was gunna ask you…" She paused and her eyes became a little more solemn. Nervous. He felt himself becoming still with anticipation, his thumb pausing in its path. "Do you still think there are good people?"

He looked at her for a second, before nodding slowly. He knew what she was really asking, if he thought she was still a good person. She had changed his mind, and she wanted to know if she had changed it back. If the things she had done that she thought were so wrong resulted in him seeing her as a bad person. If he had lost hope. He nodded his head again, firmer and looked at her a little harder. She still seemed unconvinced.

"Even after everything that's happened? After all this time?" He looked at her, really looked, and knew that she needed more than a nod. More than any pathetic string of words he could manage to tie together. She needed proof to believe in herself again, to bring her back from that darkness. More importantly, she w _anted_ to come back.

He released her wrist, catching a glimpse of confusion on her face before looking down. He released his belt quickly, unlooping one side of his pants so he could remove the knife sheath. It felt wrong taking it off, but he told himself that he didn't need to carry a part of her with him anymore. She was right here.

He refastened his belt and held the knife for a second. He turned it over in his hands, saying goodbye to the sacred item that kept him grounded for so long. Silently, he handed it over to Beth and made sure the handle was up. He wanted her to see the white carved bone and know exactly who this knife belonged to.

When she didn't move to take it from him, he looked up at her face and she was staring at him. He could see her eyes starting to fill with tears, and the way she was looking at him made his ears feel hot. He dropped her gaze quickly to look back at the knife and gestured again for her to take it. After another second, her hands slowly moved, taking the item gently from him and holding it like it could disappear any second.

"Helped remind me, when you were gone… Maybe now it can do the same for you." He watched her fingers slowly curl around the knife, bringing it to her chest. He dropped his eyes back down and looked at his hands. He felt naked without her knife on his hip, and he hated how his body immediately missed the weight.

"Daryl," she whispered his name, said it so reverently that he couldn't fight the impulse to run anymore. No one had ever said his name like that. And hearing Beth whisper his name like a prayer, like he had just given her the best gift in this entire fucked up world, it pushed him into the deep end. He couldn't swim in these waters anymore.

He pushed to his feet, grabbing his bow and turning to stand in front of her. He avoided her eyes but held out a hand to help her up. He didn't want her to think that he was pushing her away, but he had been in over his head for too long. He needed to breathe. He needed to realize how much of an idiot he had just been and he needed to try to figure out a way to make sure things went back to how they were. Figure out if it was even possible or if he had just permanently ruined everything.

One small hand gripped his and he pulled her gently to her feet, still avoiding her eyes. Her hand slipped out of his but her body kept moving forward, directly towards him. Before he could react, she had wrapped both arms around his neck and molded her body against his. Up on her tiptoes, she buried her face between her arms and his neck.

He was frozen in shock for a millisecond before his free hand moved to the small of her back. Every inch of the front of her body was pressed tightly against his, and he fought the impulse to pull her tighter, to fist his hand in the fabric of her shirt. She fit against him so perfectly. Feeling her heartbeat against his chest, feeling her ribs expanding with every breath, it was a physical reminder that she was here. She was really here after being gone for so long.

The miracle of her survival hit him all over again. The pain of losing her washed over him again, and he didn't care. He gave in. He pulled her tighter against him, the pads of his fingers pressing harder into her skin. He felt her arms tighten around his neck in response and he ducked his face further into her hair, turning his face more towards her.

"Thank you." She whispered it against him and he could feel her lips brush his neck. He was lost. He was surrounded by her and all activity in his brain stopped. Any connection between his mind and his body was severed, and he could only sit back and enjoy the moment. He grunted in response because any words were beyond his ability, and he pulled her in a little tighter for a second.

She started to pull away and he removed all the tension from his hand but let it loosely linger on her back. Her body stayed pressed against his, one of her arms lowering so that her hand could press against the side of his head. He felt her face drag back and turn towards his. Her lips pressed against his cheek, her other hand holding him still, making sure he didn't pull away. He couldn't find any part of himself that wanted to. He relished the feeling of her soft lips against his rough skin, wanting to burn it into his memory forever.

All too soon they were gone, and her forehead pressed against his temple for a second before she moved away completely and Daryl dropped his hand. Slowly disentangling herself, she clutched the knife to her chest again. He looked down, clenching and unclenching his fist as if trying to grab back onto her.

"Come on. You should eat." Her voice was gentle and he could tell she was trying to push back her emotions. She was giving him the out that he needed to move past everything that had just happened, trying to get them back to a normal place. He glanced up at her and nodded, backing up towards the door and holding it open for her.

As she walked past him and into the house, he wondered to himself how long his arms would feel empty for.

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Alright, we are finally getting somewhere! Let me know was you think :)


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